Cookie's healing journal, Leaving PMO behind

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by CookieGuy, Nov 1, 2013.

  1. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Hi guys. Its been a while since I posted here.

    I have had some improvements, haven't looked at any P for a while now (over two weeks I think but Ive stopped counting). I still have been going through periods of no MO and MOing. When I do without MO I really notice a change in my demeanor throughout the day. I have finally made some progress with girls. Got to cuddle with one girl for a bit, then got to make out with another finally. I can say when I cuddled with this redhead girl, I felt amazing. After we left and I went home, I was like feeling 'high' in my car for a bit. Like I was under the influence of some powerful opiate (I know the feeling as I have done drugs before, thankfully sober now). Then I met with another girl the next night, and we hung out and made out for a bit. That last weekend was by far a huge improvement for me. And, the whole thing is I didn't MO that entire week before that happened. I see a strange relation.

    I did MO shortly after that weekend as a sort of 'reward' for my hard work. However now I am faltering again in my dealings with women. I was gonna hang out with a girl today, but my MOing is making me feel like I don't want to now.

    Lately too I have been feeling pretty isolated. I have been working so hard on this girl thing lately, and I have worn out some of my friends with my constant talk about it. So I have stopped talking about it to them as much. It's something I really want to change, so I am passionately devoted to it. However, its like I cannot talk about it. Figure posting here would be a good place to vent. I feel like I have to change so much about me just to get anywhere with a girl. That I have to learn all these seduction things before I can make any more progress with a girl. That I have to completely be MO free before I can even get with a girl. It's messed up in my eyes. I feel too that I cannot get help with this because all other guys are out there for themselves, as its all a quest to spread our genes. Attractiveness all relates back to Darwin's ideas. I want to meet a girl and eventually have kids. I need that affection and sex because of the stress relief it has been proven to give. But, it looks like to me I am on my own here completely.

    tl;dr: PMO free for a bit, struggling with MO, making progress with girls, feeling isolated, have to stand on my own now.

    I might send out a few PM's, but feel free if you want to PM me about both PMO and meeting women. I have made some progress so id be willing to talk about it a bit.

    later guys.
  2. Apeman

    Apeman It means you're a baboon... And I'm not

    It's scary how PMO or even just MO can rob us of our drive to seek out the fairer sex. I suppose that's why this Challenge is so important. We're reclaiming our ancient, primal masculinity, the force that has kept the line going for a billion generations.

    I'm looking forward to reading this journal, CookieGuy. Your exploits meeting women and beating addiction could be Legen

    wait for it.

  3. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    First off, thanks for your continued support Apeman! Primal masculinity is something that is needed in this world.

    I experenced some of that primal feeling when I went to a rave this past weekend. I felt a little bit of it, however, I noticed how little I have of it. All around me I saw guys whom were much more stronger and confident then me. I'm still a light build guy, weak from my absence of physical activity in my teens due to my playing video games and isolation. Guys all around me where leading hot women around, and, at least for the first night I was all on my own. Not that I didn't talk with girls, just that I didn't make many moves and granted not many girls seemed interested in me. I wasn't fully dressed too, so I had no peacocking effects so to speak. I felt bad too because I brought a buddy, and I'm pretty sure because of me we didn't hook up with any girls. He is a bit of a player, and had much better luck then I did. Since I brought him, he was in my reality, and my reality isn't very good.

    I have very very little knowledge of how to interact with women on a physical level too. I brought a girl the second night, and granted we had fun, but my moves were limited. I saw this one biker guy and a really hot girl dancing, and the moves he was pulling were far beyond my knowledge. But, at least I got to dance all night with a girl, and kiss and share a good experence with her. I do like her cause she has been cool to me. I've got so much to learn though, and it's really discouraging.

    Going back a bit, for most of my life, I played video games, and always held back with girls. Thinking about mathematically, I spent so many hours playing video games and not interacting with women and not doing manly stuff when I was young. I also did drugs too in high school, thankfully now I'm clean and video game free, but Now I'm having to pay that time back. And fuck, I will never be able to catch up. I am working, doing school, and support groups, and those things take up so much time. I have very little time I can allocate. And a lot of guys around me are wayy further ahead. I'm just scared all the good girls will get taken, and I'll be left with scraps.

    Spent time can NEVER be refunded. I just wish I knew when I was younger. I wish I didn't fall into video games and drugs. I will heal from this, I just have to work at like 200% to catch up. At least I'm realizing this now.

    I had to vent abit, there is so much on my mind lately.

    I haven't PMOed, occasional MO but even that I'm doing less. Got a couple of girls in my sights. Have done some cold approaches, and because I was able to go to that show with that girl, my fear of touching has melted a way a bit.

    One thing I will leave with. People always say 'have confidence'. That is meaningless. You can't 'have confidence' you have to earn it though actions, and actions require willingness. So, if I want confidence, I must have willingness to do what ever it takes to get women. Something I never found in PUA or seduction guides.

    Wish me luck guys, I'm off again.
  4. Ahermit

    Ahermit New Member

    You nailed it!
    Totally agree: you can't 'have confidence' in a particular situation. You only can be confident or become confident. It is about healthy feeling of self and self approval. I always believe that it just coming through time to a people with normal self-esteem. I remember a few times when I was confident with women. I was just happy from the start, I din't do anything special like "or it is a hot chick on the way, putting my confident-manly-happy-super-cocky-mask-on".

    PUA is bullshit, I think that even shamanic practices are more effective ;D There is one good thing in all PUA guides - care about hygiene, do sports, dress well, try talking to girls, but damn it, it is the basic stuff.

    Stay strong and good luck, fighter!
  5. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Fuck porn.

    That is all, for now.

  6. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    I remember reading a great article about becoming a man. You don't just become one some day, you can be a man each day depending on your ACTIONS. It's HOW you act, not simply becoming one. So for now, that's my goal, acting like a man.

    What is that for me? Getting my schoolwork done. Managing my time. Being a good friend. Helping others. Working out. Building a career. Holding to ethical values like honesty, patience, persistence. Talking to women and interacting despite fear. Not PMOing , and less MOing (still on the fence about complete no fap, although I can see why it's beneficial.)

    Thankfully I have not PMOed at all since idk when. The days have passed so fast. I did get really close to a relapse recently, but something inside of me just decided to close the window right before I hit the 'I'm of age' buttion to continue. And I'm so glad I did close that window. It's not my path.

    My path is starting to go somewhere. I was able to go farther then I ever had before with a girl a couple night ago. Let's just say it was just a happy ending. I'm still a virgin, but I'm okay with that. Not to say I'm gonna stand down and not try. But, I want it to be with someone I have strong feelings for. Because it is emotional, and I am not a sleep and leave kinda guy. I have discovered that. Sex is powerful, it is like a drug, so I am gonna tread lightly for a bit.

    I am responsible for my own reality; something I am learning. The actions I take in the situations presented to me determine my life. It's one day at a time for me. My goal is to each day take actions to be a man, because it's only then I can feel like one. Women like men. Not boys. And I am still acting like a boy at times, but I see it, and am becoming willing to work on it.

    Leaving PMO behind is a lifestyle change. And that's what I am doing. I have abused it for too long. Time to grow up.

    I'm out again guys. Will be back with more updates here in time. Might see me post every now and then though.
  7. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Whew. I'm exausted, and it's good.

    Got 2 numbers today. Both cuties. And the second one I had a literal adventure with. However, I should have kissed her when we were at a climax. I felt it go slightly down hill after that. But, I did my best at the time. I will push harder next time.

    Been hitting gym consistsantly, doing well in classes, talking to a lot of girls. Granted I'm not getting laid a lot, but that's gonna come in time if I keep doing this.

    I got really close to relapsing on PMO last night. I'll admit I looked at suggestive images on Instagram. However, I realized after it that it just didn't cut it any more, and I am so glad I didn't fully relapse. My brain enjoys the real interactions. I felt so freaking high after my adventure with that girl. Way better then PMO. And I didn't even do her. So for me, I gotta keep going one day at a time.

    My reality is like becoming more real. My brain is healing, and I'm becoming more socially out there. It's not a direct result of no PMO, it's a result of my changes. Not PMOing has helped, but it's changes that have to happen to end the lifestyle PMO put me in I believe.

    I'm still learning a lot and get flashbacks from time to time to P. But, I just pray and move foward. And the amount of fucks I am giving in real life is decreasing. Still got so much to learn about women and life, but I'm making progress each day.

    It gets better guys, if you work at it I find. Keep up the good fight.

    Cookie out.
  8. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Today was a successful day. went on a date with a girl that I met last Wednesday. Went well, did some romantic stuff down by the beach, and man she is just beautiful. I have made progress in this area for sure, but I am still learning a lot. Relationship stuff is not easy, and my PMO addiction definitely didn't help me learn how to do relationships well. Going up and approaching a girl and getting a number is one thing, dating and learning about her is a whole different ballgame.

    Maybe I am getting a little attached to the outcome here. I have slowed down on meeting other girls since I met her, so I should keep meeting others.

    I read that post on Thoughts on Rebooting, had some good information there. I agree changing lifestyles is critical. Made me think today about my life plan. A new year is coming, so I will draft something up for it.

    Still haven't PMO'd, it has to be over a month at least if not two. I really don't remember my actual clean date. Ima keep going though one day at a time. Gotta get some rest.

    later guys.
  9. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Hi guys. Checking in again. Doing better, still no PMO.

    Honestly, I am struggling more now with life and dating stuff. I have no idea how to explain it but reality is becoming more real. I think it is because I am finally realizing I have to grow up. Thankfully not PMOing is part of that. But no PMO isn't enough. I need to commit to meditation, more exercise, and just positive things.

    Have been improving with girls, only slightly. But, making progress none the less. I do wanna avoid ego because I tend to be very egotistical I believe. I have met a girl that I like. We have been talking and flirting. I am trying to play it cool. Its tough though cause alot of my insecurities come out. Doing my best to work through them, it is not easy by any means.

    I am by no means cured. but, I am slowing moving forward I think.

    I find each day is what I make of it. So im working on waking up on point, doing my routine, and staying consistent. I struggle with that a lot.

    getting sleepy, but I figured id post. will check in another time.

    thanks guys.
  10. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Successes: been getting a good amount of dates
    got with a girl and finally got some action.
    Finished school with high grades
    Got extra hours at work
    Been going to gym consistantly
    Still haven't PMOed since the early start of this journal.

    Failures: waking up late
    Wasting time/failing to make plans
    MOing a bit much, but has been slowing down.

    Felt like checking in again. Short list of what has been going on. Right now I'm in a weird spot. I feel like I'm struggling a bit. Almost losing it some days. PMOing does come to mind, I haven't acted on it. I feel like I need to push so much harder with my life. Wake up every day and go hard. Or just put in that little bit of work each day. Something like that.

    Been feeling better that I finally had some success with girls. Still learning so much tough. Part of me wants to PMO again because the amount of time I'm spending trying to get with girls is becoming a slight obsession possibly. I should spend some time to get into my major stuff and build electronic things and develop my career. That really is more important.

    Guess I don't have too much to say. Thanks to those who read. Cya guys
  11. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Needed to post here. Came really close to a relapse last night. I was ready, hit the 'private' switch on my phone (not really that private though as it can still be traced lol), opened a new tab, but I punched in this site before I punched in the real site I wanted to go to. I saw a post of someone who relapsed first on this site and it took me back. So I didn't PMO.

    I've been feeling really down lately. Granted I have a lot of good stuff going for me, got strait A's in school, have two jobs, going to the gym, but I just feel like there is something missing. I haven't been around many girls since the end of the semester. I'm keeping in touch with two, but I cannot see either of em. I did notice however yesterday when I saw some girls in this coffee shop, I felt much better. I didn't talk to them like I was when back in school, but it sorta sparked something.

    I think my recovery here does consist of me consistently talking to girls. I stopped once the semester winded down, and I think that is why I'm so down. The two girls I'm talking too right now still haven't sparked feelings I once had with a girl I met over a year ago. That could be why I'm not super into them, I'm looking for something that they won't have and I won't find again probably. But , looking back, I'm in much better shape then I was in the beginning of this year.

    Was talking with one girl about this year, and I agree with her statement that it has been a shitty year in many senses. Some positives, but so much work and things to go through. I'm ready for it to be over so I can start anew. I'm really thankful I didn't relapse too, that'd be a really shitty way to start this next year. Back in the hole I wanted to get out of, PMOing. I'm gonna be weary right now, and get out n talk to girls.

    Wish me luck guys, and thanks for all your posts here. Cookie out.
  12. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Checking in again.

    Still haven't PMO'd. It has to be about 3-4 months at least. So I am making good progress.

    Have been having fantasies a lot of a certain type of P that I used to watch. Had like a dream where I was about to watch that stuff, I was on my phone searching and stuff in it. Came really close. But I didn't act on it. I think my head is healing a bit. It feels calmer and calmer now.

    I have been spending time with a girl more. We cuddled and been kissing n stuff. I believe that is helping, but it might be clouding me too. I do want to push for more, but I am being sensitive to her too. I have no idea if I am being a chode or what. I really want to go all the way with her. I haven't really expressed that though. So idk. I'm trying to treat her as a person, not an object.

    On a positive to recovery, I have been working a lot over break. I think the no P is helping push me to do more. I feel like a need to go work, and part of it stems from being a provider a girl. More natural.

    I feel discombobulated with this girl thing. Not sure what to do. Think I should just push to finally have sex and just get it over with. Anyone going though this? I'd like to know.

    Gonna keep working, hitting gym, and progressing to better myself each day. Getting better with time management too. Need to work on personal relationships more, I find they matter more to me now. And just keep staying PMO free one day at a time.

    Late guys.
  13. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member


    I broke it. I chose to do it. Was so close. I feel weird. Gonna work today, stay busy again.

    I could use a recovery buddy to talk to. Please pm me if you'd like.
  14. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    Day 4-5 No PMO

    feeling better. Got to hang out with a girl I have seen before, but she was out of town for school break. That was nice. I just have been going crazy because I decided to do the valve job on my car, so it being down has been stressful and alot of work to repair. Almost done though. Decided to do that in order to save money, and challenge myself. And it also has kept me busy.

    My goals right now are avoid PMO and get ready for school.

    wish me luck guys.
  15. XpeciaL

    XpeciaL Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again

    Wishing you the best on your mission good sir! <--- amazingly put together by many members here on this forum <-- start meditating in general and make it a habit if it isn't already... Don't be lazy!!!

    Stay focused and give these a read through/watch through when you have the time! :)
  16. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    thanks for the input XpeciaL!

    Meditation definitely helps me stay focused and present I am learning.

    I just started school again and it felt good. Happy to be back. Plenty of girls to talk too. Although I have been building a good relationship with one I have been seeing for a while. It's really weird though, I like have to force myself to try and maintain any relationship with people. And honestly to get any girl, you have to put time into it. Part of me just doesn't like too. She was talking about another guy whom has been spending time with her (were not officially gf and bf). She talked about how he went to see her when back home. It's like competition I am dealing with. Getting used to that has been hard. I come from a guy who was very shut in, addicted to video games and drugs for my young years, to being sober and trying to get out there. Its hard cause I am playing some catchup. I can like never quit now, or else ill never be where I want to be later on. I have to keep pushing forward and talking to girls always. doing school and learning always. Not wasting any time.

    Been following some of RSD Tylers advice, running through life like I have a gun to my head. My time is precious, and I cannot waste it anymore. Im blasting myself with information. Just absorbing as much as possible. And that feels good. I just need to keep on this motivation. Cannot slack off. Ever. It produces a ripple effect, one day of low work effects other days later on down the line. So true.

    Should push through and save some money to go to a show with that girl again. She wants to go, and I do too, just money is getting tight again because of school. But if I work hard, I could be in good shape. So idk. Learning alot from not PMOing. Sex is like, a drive, for me to be a better man. Yeah some guys can get sex without trying. But thats not me. Im not at that level yet. Maybe in time I will, but I have alot of catching up to do. Gonna keep trying and I can do this! something I have to tell myself because I don't have super high confidence. Im a work in progress.

    Later guys.
  17. CookieGuy

    CookieGuy New Member

    I got laiddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd.


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