Considering an escort? Don't, here is why.

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by hope2overcome, May 21, 2015.

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  1. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Many men can get it up fine with prostitutes or one night stands, but have problems with their girlfriends or wives.

    It is similar to those that can only get hard with porn but not during sex.
     
  2. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    I thought PIED was ED caused by porn, not by people?
    I've not seen any journal about a guy having sex with a hooker, but when it comes to his SO/wife, he has ED?

    I thought the problem was porn on the internet, lots of choices
    so the problem isnt just computer porn, but all sex with people you pick up?
    In college, I knew guys who got tail from lots of ladies. so they are going to have ED because they have TOO much sex?
     
  3. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Forget it.
     
  4. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Watch the movie Shame and you will understand what he means.

    Sex addicts need thrilling situations / scenarios to get off. They often love anonymous sex. They have trouble with real intimacy, hence ED within a commited relationship. - because it's boring, because they are ashamed.

    PIED is just a variation of thay same effect for people that jave abusd Porn rather then escorts or one night stands or other forms of sexual deviances.
     
  5. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    Exactly.
     
  6. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    so guys who see hookers are sex addicts?

    I've had ED issues with gf's and with hookers...I'm def not a sex addict(I dont think)...
    I just enjoy the sex and when I found out why I had ED isses , I am healthy(not fat, not yellow, dont work at a nuclear plant) I found this site and most stuff on it about porn rang true.

    Granted, I havent found my taste to ever change,(no escalation< i like the stuff I liked in high school(20yrs ago) but i stil like it.
    I have favorite porns,(I had a huge collection(deleted ;D) that I enjoyed time and time again, so I do like novelty, but I used the same stuff to get off/a release(for sleep) for years.
    I only recently started seeing hookers(only seen 3)cause a friend of mine told about a hooker he liked. (I didnt see her, but checked it out)
    much like I'm looking into finding a wife who is not from america, I just don't like the attitude of most american women. I know a relationship and sex/love are 3 different things.
    so am I a sex addict because I see hookers??
     
  7. Ansem

    Ansem Member

    What a ridiculous article.

    Recently, a friend (mid 20s) of mine lost his virginity to a hooker. I was talking about it with some female friends and they all agreed that he was pathetic, sad, and that he 'should man up and get himself a girlfriend'. Yet these are the same women who rejected him, call him a nice guy (or even a creep for thinking he had a chance with her).

    I talked with him about it a few weeks ago. He said he was tired of spending all that time, paying for dates and dating sites to end up with nothing. He just wanted some intimacy and sex.

    So he said fuck it, and hired an escort. He said he had the best hour of his life. They cuddled, kissed and had sex twice. It was expensive, but he spent much more on trying to get a girl. He won't be doing it again in the near future, maybe in half a year if he's still alone.

    While I haven't visited a hooker myself, if you're really frustrated then just do it. Just make sure it doesn't replace your PMO addiction.
     
  8. TheUnderdog

    TheUnderdog Active Member Staff Member

    ::)

    Are guys who drink beer alcoholic?
     
  9. Osa

    Osa New Member

    Speaking from experience, my past compulsive sexual behaviours with strangers are causing me problems in my present relationship on so many levels. My present relationship was unexpectedly born out of my addiction. Fearing that as a sex addict I might be confusing lust for love, I'd decided on a sexless relationship. She however insisted on a sexual relationship and I capitulated. When we're together, she needs sex at least every three days, often every too days, and sometimes twice in a day. She'd even hinted that she would leave me if I refused a sexual relationship. The concern is not with the frequency of the sex, but her need for it. I'm starting to wonder if she might be a sex addict herself. Though I can keep up with the frequency now, I ask myself, what if that should change in the future. Does she stay with me only because I can keep up with her sexually? Would she leave me if I couldn't keep up with her sexually in the future?

    Then there's the ironic situation where when we lived apart, I could control my sexual urges better over time in a completely sexless relationship; I was starting to feel like I really did not need sex, including masturbation. Now we're together again, and to engage in such a sexual relationship so soon in recovery is causing me to struggle with relapse. The more sex she gives me, the more sex I need. I've ironically relapsed to masturation recently when I'm getting more sex than ever before even though in my early recovery I'd reached the point of not craving masturbation even without sex; and the more I have to resist the temptation to seek sex with prostitutes now that I'm getting so much sex even though in early recovery I was starting to forget sex with prostitutes even though I was getting no sex. Though I haven't relapsed to prostitutes yet, the inner struggle is frustrating. But how does one explain that I starting to learn to control my sexual urges without sex, but feel the need for more sex the more sex I get. It does seem counterintuitive, and I don't understand the psychology behind it, but this has been my experience.

    She now fears that if she can't give me sex in the future for whatever reason, that I'd leave her. Ironically enough, it's not the circumstances of our first encounter that give her this fear, but rather the fact that, our first encounter aside, I seemed more emotionally involved in our sexual relationship, whereas now she finds me more emotionally distant, as if just pleasuring myself and more compulsive. I too have noticed it, having to put more effort into the emotional side of it and trying to resist pushing her for sex. Yet I've found her somewhat emotionally distant and sexually compulsive too.

    She has now brought up the idea of a sexless relationship, but is questioning whether she could handle it. She knows I'm a recovering sex addict, and she's now questioning whether she might be a sex addict herself. She said that she has difficulty distinguishing whether she loves me or whether she's staying with me for the sex. And quote honestly, I'm facing the same confusion.

    I guess the bottom line is that compulsive sex with strangers can confuse the mind in a monogamous relationship later.
     
  10. Ansem

    Ansem Member

    OMG you have sex every day? You are obviously addicted, please get professional help before it ruins your life!
     
  11. Osa

    Osa New Member

    Frequency is not the problem. A person can have sex a hundred times a day and it might not be a problem.
    I see at least two problems:

    1. Compulsion. Feeling an uncontrollable need to have sex every three months could be unhealthy whereas enjoying sex a hundred times a day while never feeling an uncontrollable need for it might not be a problem.

    2. Confusing lust for love, which can have practical consequences of its own.

    Just a few weeks ago, I'd gone a few months without sex, and was no longer feeling the need for sex of any kind. It was liberating. Now I feel a need for it, and that feels like slavery. To enjoy sex is one thing: to feel a need for it is something else entirely. And though it's usually men who suffer sex adfiction, some women do too.
     
  12. Osa

    Osa New Member

    If they feel a need for it, yes.
     
  13. Osa

    Osa New Member

    Another problem is insecurity. We've sometimes had sex thinking that if we did not satisfy the other sexually, that the other might leave us. We're both Recognizing that our present sexual relationship is unhealthy on many fronts.
     
  14. BryanHoward

    BryanHoward Keep your hands where I can see them

    Using a hooker, like using p, is about exercising control - you call the shots, you set the scene, you get to overload your senses, and paint a world that doesn't really exist.

    Real sex is about intimacy - control doesn't play a core role in it. You need to surrender part of yourself to the act - been training for it with p and hookers? Good luck with that!
     
  15. In my opinion, there isn't anything particularly dangerous about having safe sex with a prostitute if you're planning to do it only once to check if your erection works with a real woman. Just be prepared for the possibility that you might have a really crappy time and feel emotionally down afterwards. Or you might enjoy it so much that you run the risk of developing an addiction. Everyone reacts differently to prostitutes. You won't really know until you try it.

    If "real men" don't visit prostitutes, does that mean prostitutes aren't "real women"? That they are somehow sub-human creatures that don't deserve the same basic respect as "real women"? If a man visits an escort and goes out of his way to treat her with kindness and decency, and tries to make the experience as comfortable and enjoyable for her as it is for him, is he not a "real man"? Are only psychopaths and scum-bags allowed to use prostitutes?
     
  16. Choice-R-Us

    Choice-R-Us New Member

    It is interesting to observe, that aparently there is a consensus that for example people who just want casual sex must be unable to ever recover, because their definition of sex does not align with the required standards of love, intimacy and healthy sex. Again one can observe the inherent problems of the sex- and porn-addiction concepts, as they are relying on highly subjective and culturally determined definitions of what is right and what is wrong, healthy and unhealthy. Threads like these make it painfully obvious.
     
  17. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    where do you see that besides this thread saying OH NOES you have too much sex with a person and you will have "issues"
    how is that related to porn or the internet?
     
  18. hope2overcome

    hope2overcome No Love, No Sex

    Catsntheinternet, I was not of this opinion until I came on this forum. After seeking help on a number of threads. A few reached out to me in private messages. They told me too much casual sex is the symptom of a porn induced mind.

    I gather that because we have had "do what we want" belief without accountability, our poor judgement caught up with us. And, we are in this mess because of it. Forget social standards, forget conformity of any sorts and question why we are in this mess in the first place. I realized it is because I let my libido run wild. In addition, according to anecdotal evidence many guys who have a lot of casual sex end up relapsing to porn a lot. My theory is sex addicts always have sex on their mind, when they can't get it from a girl, they get it from an artificial source, the internet.

    I started out on this journey thinking I have a porn addiction problem but it turns out to be much deeper than that, it is more of a sex addiction problem.
     
  19. Ansem

    Ansem Member

    Desire for sex is normal, not an addiction. You're addicted to sex if you want it multiple times a day and still aren't satisfied (so you masturbate and have sex multiple times a day).

    I agree with what holdontoyerhats said. Safe sex with a prostitute if fine. But it's expensive, might make you feel bad afterwards (having to pay for something so basic) or make you feel really good so you want it more. So be careful when you decide to do it.
     
  20. fathomer

    fathomer New Member

    When I joined this site, I was sent an email to read a thread
    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0
    I dont see anything in the thread about, "dont have one night stands, dont have lots of sex with a person."
    the issue is unable to get hard to have sex. not the absract, fullfillment from sex"

    I see the etiology of PIED and this site is from using high speed internet to look at porn
    I don't recall anyone here with the complaint, "I've had sex with zillions of women,, now I can't get it up.. what's going on

    Did wilt Chamberlain , 20K sex partners, have trouble getting it up?

    I understand the moral issue, just like there is moral issue with
    death penalty
    wearing mixed fabrics
    working on sundays
    eating meat
    pre-martial sex

    but that's not science, those things are opinions about how one should live. etc
    if I wanted to do a ketogenic diet and I wanted to eat 3lbs of beef a day, but i had questions about it's effect on my health.. and someone said NO YOU CAN"T DO THAT< EAT whey protein powder, eating meat is WRONG
    that remark is useless babble and not on point, give me some science
    say, cooking meat gives you HCAS, hormones, and you need EFAS,,...or some attempt at science, don't interject your moral or even ecomonic reasons

    we are all here to have better erections...or am I wrong?
     
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