Hello Everyone I am new to this group but not new to trying to give up PMO. The difference this time is that I have so much more hope because a) I discovered YBOP and 2) I started reading this forum. What a change! At last people who get it! At last people who understand it and don't judge it and - even better - don't trigger the shame response that seems to be at the heart of the problem. Since I got married and had children I have been trying to give up. I gave up for about a year during therapy, then another 3 or 4 times for about 3 months at a stretch. Each time I could feel the changes but I never really understood the damage PMO was doing nor the massive benefits of giving PMO up. Thanks to YBOP and this forum I am seeing it. And for the first time too I admit to a PMO compulsion (I reserve the word addiction for external chemical dependencies - semantics I know but it works for me). I always denied it as just a bad habit wrought of a bad childhood of being assualted, and emotionally incested too. But now I admit that it is real. Today just a short time in to my target, I feel good and up to the challenge but I also feel a lot of grief. Grief at the lost years, the time wasted, the energy dissipated. Grief at the betrayal of my wife and kids. Grief at the loss of so many of my key work/project years to this awful, awful compulsion. I know I shouldn't regret but I do and the only thing that stops me regretting more is knowing that to do so would be an even bigger waste of energy. What a lesson to learn in my 40s! Seeing how others here have changed their lives, I am determined to do the same. To put the past behind me, realise that this compulsion is not me but toxic waste from childhood that can now be disposed of. To move forward and live every day to the full. To wake up every morning and remember that I can die today so live it like that. I really hope I can remember this. And reaching out here I know will help me do that. Thanks to everyone here for posting and helping me so far.