Committing to a Porn Free Life. I CAN do this! Persistence is Everything.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by R3balance, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    VeniVidiVici Thanks for the well wishes, handling the chaser effect very well, even had my penis rubbed lightly over my jeans as I dropped the girl off today, and I got an erection just from that, and when I got home have had no urges to MO,

    Thats a positive sign I believe, Wearing double boxers at night is helping suppress my night time horniness greatly, only thing I am worried is if its suffocating my penis or suppressing my overall libido or erection quality, OR I am just paranoid and its doing no harm at all!\

    Good luck to you too!!!!
     
  2. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    MOd myself twice in a few hours 2 days ago , I couldnt sleep, had to wake up for work in 3 hours, had built up sexual energy from a few days were a girlfriend of mine had been stroking my penis over my pants a few days in a row,,,

    I didnt look at porn but before I went to bed I did look at a naked picture of the same girl,, @ hours later still awake an I MO'd



    Feeling frustrated, not counting that as P, And I didnt even look at it as I M,

    Got into a fight with my ex girlfriend, and she texted me in the midst of the text fighting, your an embarrassment you dont even know how to have sex,,
    I didnt react too it at all, or bring any attention to it but it really really hurt me, than was 2 days before I mod,
    I dont know why I love or have really strong feelings for her, I know she loves me, but she hurts me a lot more than she makes me feel good, I cant trust her, when we hangout my money disappears, she doesnt work, and I get so upset with her I dont even like how i talk to her when I am mad or how stresse and anxious I get so easily with her, its avery stressful relationship I have with her yet I can never stop seeing her, because I do have such strong feelings for her and I care about her so much....

    Ahhhh

    Having a negative thought day, as I seem to be very bipolar with my pos and neg feelings, part of me wonders if this reboot business is even for real, as theres so few success stories and so many of us struggling, and a bunch who reach there goals and dont even know if they have recovered or not, I am in a doubting mood, not that its not the porn, just in feeling like I will never recovery, I get so upset I am 21 and not even able to enjoy my sexual prime, WTF is gona happen when I hit 40, will I need a continuous viagra supply and hope my heart and system can handle the drug abuse and hope for the best!


    My Rant, just so tough going through this for so long not seeing any results, and feeling like a failure, its bringing down my overall motivation towards caring about myself physically.


    A WOAH is me or us moment, SORRY!

    OTher than that I am happy with going so long with going on a tube site of any kind or too my trigger sites online, avoiding it well and plan to continue so!
     
  3. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Feel what you mean, actually have been dealing with the same struggle the last two weeks. After feeling and seeing progress in the beginning, I barely see any now. Still I would say, even though you MO'd, try to stay away from it and give the no PMO at least 90 days..

    Sucks what your ex told you btw, can really relate to that..
     
  4. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    I know,, its really a struggle, its just hard to see the light kind of.
    I had sex yesterday with not the best erection again and I lasted a solid hump an half to two humps,, Pretty embarrassing,
    happened 3 times with the same girl now, shes being really cool about it shockingly, she doesnt really want me to pleasure her anymore tho she just wants to have sex so I am kinda stuck in what the hell do i doo.

    We have had sex 2 times in past two days both times were very similar,, I am very anxious about the whole thing now,
    when we did it yesterday as she turned around she said make sure your ready, and right when she said that i doubted myself my ok erection dropped completely I helped it with my hand hard enough to go in and I came instantly,,,

    Its not fun for me, her, wasnt even a pleasurable O, I even said Fuck I suck right after,,,


    If I got solid hard erections easily I wouldnt care so much about PE I could work on that, but the combined problem, is just causing so much anxiety for me, and I am sure the anxiety make everything worse, I just want to get better:(

    PORN Is OFF the table forever now I cant do this anymore, I really cant Its driing me insane, I am less than one day for tying my best no Porn, PORN with MO streak ever!! I have Od a few times this thirty days all but 2 were with a girl or sex.

    Trying to stay positive, but the PORN is not a part of my life anymore I wont allow it!

    VeniVidiVici I am not going to MO at all anymore but when I am with this girl I wil prolly continue to try but without manual self stimulation, yea man it hurts deep in the core sucha terrible feeling, it saddens me you can relate to tat feeling as we dont deserve that.

    This addiction wasnt our faults weve been targeted by the industry assholes and they dont care what damage they cause, its awful!
     
  5. sepultur60

    sepultur60 lets rewire this shit !

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    if you want hard errections andlibido usecress seeds, i screamed a lot about those seeds they are great !!
    and use your P addiction circuit, learn to give it up during sex, giveP up and use it in sexand sport, and this is how it will be rewired! directly, not after 90 days;
    90 days only force you to chose an other life, and thats good, its agood school this 90 days,
    but for rewiring you only need to give it up; and rewire it and live instead of it !!!
     
  6. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    R3balance, it all sounds so freaking familiar, I guess all we can do is just make some progress of not MOing and really hope the girl is cool with it...
     
  7. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    First of all, this should be your longest run ever right? Congrats on that.

    Secondly, thanks for mentioning me in your last page, appreciate it.

    You are 100% correct. Just think, you're never going to be 21 again. So beat this as soon as you can... I wish I could have stopped at 21. I wasn't PMOing everyday back then but it was always on my mind as "haha i don't even care to get laid, I have porn to go to in 3 days!", what a fucking pathetic loser mentality to have.
     
  8. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Good. Take that in. You need to hear that, seriously. Take it in and don't feel pity and sorry for yourself, feel angst at how you've stooped so low, and go the 90 days. Go months without MO.

    And then when you fuck her like a god with a massive hard on, she'll be eating her words and craving for you.
     
  9. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    I havent been on in quite a few days as I have been working 12-17 hours a day.. been a rough couple weeks not much sleep and I did MO twice 3 days ago after going 15 days no MO and the second time was through facetime with a girl (going to stay away from this, was surprised my erection was sorta assisted) , I am doing great with not looking at P,though,

    Fantastic actually, there were two nights shifts or 3 I had where all and I meen all I could think about were old P scenes and actresses almost like I missed it, really was sad to think about now. Thats the only P urge I have really had, I dont want to look at it at all.

    Yea this is my longest NO P with MO steak I have ever done, I just have an insanely hard time refraining from MO, or Oing,.


    I know its good to try and kick my ass into motivation and it does but in the moment man holy it kills. And thats what I keep dreaming of just being that guy I see myself as, being the man who can just give it to her,, I imagine it too often, and want it so bad.

    I dont want to be told my penis is broken, I dont know how to have sex, I am not a man, I have a small useless dick, or avoid sexual situations any longer, I know I am 21 and need to get over this asap, I dont want to be 22 or 23 and still battling this without results.

    I now what your saying though that though process, like fuck it, Ive got porn and its dope and will always be there and exciting,,, such crap, wish we could have known what we were doing to ourselves, I thought It was trainign me to be a sexual olympia.

    Will be checking back on more regularly, Porn is not an option, I hope this will slowly yield results, and that my no MO streaks will improve as I have yet to hit 30 days :-[

    Thanks for the love and support gotta keep working!
     
  10. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Im not gonna lie im sorta teary

    I just PMOd my longest streak is officially over:(
    I just got sucha huge dopamine rush I can feel it my hearts pounding my heads hurting, im exhausted couldn't sleep and for some reason I tricked myself into looking at porn, I might have to step it up and start using Porn blockers like k9 on my laptop

    I CANT BELIEVE I JUST DID That I dont even know why,,,,,,,,, OMG

    :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

    This is ridiculous
     
  11. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    after a very long sleep which I even slept through my alarm,,

    I feel ready to start over, this time though I am not going to allow MOs I have said this many times before, but NONE this time and I will be Logging days on here much more, as I will need a place to vent when dying of urges!

    I feel an improvement in I went my longest NO PMO streak ever of 43 days, and I had a long 18 day no MO, now I dont feel as though I will be starting entirely at zero as I have not binged, whihc has been a serious problem for me after relapses, not the fact this time though.

    I am refocused no MOs with a girl with me with face time or anything nothing!

    If I start feeling urges or strong sexual thoughts I will be deleting chrome and installing K9 on my computer with my sorta gf to set the password for me.

    If it comes to using K9, I am worried that sites I will need for school will be blocked, is there asticky on here somewhere for what K9 blocks that you wouldnt think it would so I have to set it as an exception?
     
  12. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    been very frustrated, my whole journal is I Am going to do this! than I fail,,

    than I fail at sex,,

    Yesterday girl was over, big surprise failed at sex completely, and after i got her off, she asked me if I have looked at Porn and I was honest I told her twice the other day, And i was really upset, She lost her shit on me, said she can never been in a serious committed relationship with someone she cant have sex with, called me liar for breaking my promise told me I am useless,,

    Says she has been so supportive and patient with me,,,,,

    Ill agree she as been somewhat patient, but I havent felt any support from her, she never asks how I am doing or to call when urges are strong, she wouldn't even watch the videos explaining it on YBOP, I know I shouldnt expect that but thats what I would consider supportive, I know this is all my fault, but I dont think she understand how hard I have been trying, I have been so hard this is the hardest thing I have ever tried to do.

    I can see how shes mad completley and it should motivate me, but I find it very destructive.

    I have explained to her its not like I am starting back at square one, but i am starting to think it would be best for both of us if we broke up untill I was rebooted :(
     
  13. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Tricky situation with your sorta gf... Guess she puts pressure on you as well, which I don't think will be very beneficial for your reboot..
    Nice that you didn't binge after your final relapse.
    Hope you can try to beat your 18 day no MO record!
     
  14. Laurynas

    Laurynas 300 Days+ Experienced.

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Psst. Have you tried the advices from topics you can find in my signature?

    You focus on the fail, that's why the fail happens,

    While the mind is still fresh - write down all the reasons why you think you failed this time, after you're done - write down yourself advice what can you do for each specific reason to become stronger and to resist the mistakes of the past? (The best way to make the 2nd one would be by writing it on paper or on the computer and printing it, small enough to fit your pocket/wallet so you could constantly look at it and remind yourself what you have to do).

    Actually what I'm personally seeing is that you're actually blaming your gf. Seriously, I can spot that. The thing is - this problem is yours, not hers, but you're kinda giving her half the responsibility for what you need to get a hold on. Breaking up would cause so much negativity and I'm quite sure it would lead to another strike for PMO or MO.

    So what's your plan?
     
  15. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Nooo I am not blaming her at all!

    But immediately after the failed attempts its just sooo brutal, they way I already feel, and to know how unfair it is for her, then to hear how she feels, its just really harsh.

    I was doing fantastic best I have ever done, and I am feeling great right now, usually at 5 days out I have huge urges and I have none right now.

    In fact I have been very positive, I have had sex on my mind and seen one naked picture which is one my girl sent me last night..

    The day after we fought, she apologized to me, and was super sweet. The day after not so sweet lol,, I can really understand.
    We are both 21 and she doesnt feel like she is truly with me because we cant be intimate. We rarely make out because it makes her very aroused and that will lead to disappointment than anger right now.

    Ive told her how I have joined this community (which I havent told her before) I am seriously trying the hardest I have ever tried, and my last try was a success in my mind as I have not binged and I have picked myself back up on this pony!

    I havent read them before but I will now.
    And your totally right When I focus on the fail I fail..
    because what I have noticed the last two times I have PMOd now that you say that, I have actually mentally agreed and accepted doing it before I do it,, which is sad but now that I recognize that I will keep that in mind and for sure change the situation I am in and make it not possible to do so. The same goes with MO!

    Thing is though she puts zero pressure on me, accept for the times we try I put the pressure on myself.
    She had every right to be mad at me I let her and myself down, but I am not giving up.
    And tomorrow I will find out if she is going to stick with me through this.
    I told her there will be ups and downs as its not a linear process but I am promising her to give my ultimate best efforts as though my life is on the line when it comes to masturbating to porn. If she doesnt believe me I told her to please walk away now, as I could not take her ever cheating on me because she feels sexually neglected or has a huge horniness build up. I worded that weird on here, I said it much better to her!


    Were going to have lunch tom and talk about it, I have been going to the gym and I am very positive about that 3 out of the last 5 days I have gone which is the most I have gone in MONTHS! And I have been eating right.

    Thanks for the words brothas!
     
  16. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Doing much better, trying to avoid thinking of porn at all, hard not to think of and imagine sex with my gf.. but im trying to stop the thoughts as they come.. my mind feels very very horny,
    did not wake up with an erection this morning but in a half sleep state and a few sexual thoughts there I had an erection that felt .75-80% full I dont know I didnt look at it or touch it, but I was happy it was there. Nothing throughout the day at all though!
    think I am in a flatline right now,, which honestly I enjoy makes it easiest!

    Have gone to the gym 4 times this week, 3 in a row!!
    feeling positive, my lady friend however just got food poisoning and is having an extremely rough night, wish I could help her! but what can you do it has to run its course..


    Just checking in, I am excited to succeed this time around!
     
  17. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Great stuff man, keep it up!
     
  18. ModusVivendi

    ModusVivendi New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    1 week! Keep going, the friend definitely doesn't seem supportive, I agree with you.
     
  19. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    Thank You Both!!

    Almost at 9 days!

    I have been feeling awesome, I have had miny fights with my lady friend, kind of stressful and annoying in the moment, but they are very little ones.

    We had a slittle sexual experience today, I played with her, got a bit of an erection and she touched me for a little while, im not sure if my anxiety killed it or my PMO ED but i just said I hadnt groomed in awhile and just played with her which she liked. So that went well! And I didnt touch my self at all or try and force a shittty erection to have a shitty orgasm like I have succumb to so many times before.

    Just got off work and no urges at all!!

    :)

    I know its only nine days but I have only looked at P twice on that one day when I was 43 days out so I feel really on the right track right now, and I really appreciate the encouragement, and support guys!
     
  20. VeniVidiVici

    VeniVidiVici New Member

    Re: Too many failed Attempts..

    It's great that your girl, apart from the fighting, is ok with taking it slow. Keep it up!
     

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