Committing to a Porn Free Life. I CAN do this! Persistence is Everything.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by R3balance, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    I typed a big thing and it logged me out. Brutal not going to retype it all.

    But I am struggling with motivation / lack of results. Has been coming in waves. Porn urges have been increased lately a long with anxiety. Lots of contributing factors but I need o manage my stress and anxiety.

    Going to prioritize my health and really try and take care of myself letting lots of things slip and not getting enough sleep.

    Going to be strong and make changes to get my healthy habits going again.
     
  2. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    having one of those relationship ebb and flows.

    find I was not prioritizing my Own needs and my anxiety increased.

    My anxious attachment style increases too. Almost felt desperate for affection from my gf to the point I feel Jealous when she shows over the top emotion to the dog and less to me. Very silly.

    my gf isn’t the most emotionaL Or affectionate it’s just who she is as a person and I need to not take it Personally. I have communicated to her that I respond well to it, helps with sexual rewiring especially for me. But right now I initiate most of the affection and intimacy so that’s been hard on me while we haven’t been intimate / sexual Much since her last period and my recent flatline..

    With flatlines that come and go it’s hard not to think I’m doing something completely wrong. Every time I start feeling like I’m getting better instead of taking that final step or turning the corner I flatline its very frustrating. I just miss sexual responses and full erections that I can confidently move and engage with. It’s exhausting fighting this everyday mentally.

    I’m at like 9 months porn and pmo free and living with my gf so I’m not completely losing here either ofc. Can’t be just a negative Nancy but 9 months is considerable for me. Crazy the results aren’t there. Part of me thinks I need 30
    Days no screens.

    Like maybe my brain just needs zero electronic stimulus to help me get over this final hurdle. Gf and me going to look into going camping once every week Or Two just disappear into the woods no cell service get away from
    It all. Might be nice and healing we will see!

    night everyone
     
  3. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    9 months no P is truly impressive! Great job.
    Do you have PIED or has things improved since you started abstaining?
     
    R3balance likes this.
  4. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    thanks TrueDat.

    honestly My improvement is not great at all.

    sometimes it feels like I’m recovering or about to then nothing.

    it’s really discouraging.

    right now I’m at a low.

    my Gf officially moved in with me yesterday and we haven’t had sex or even O together In a couple weeks.

    morning wood is weak.

    last night I was just at the point where I felt like I had to O and maybe an Onwoild kickstart things. So just to touch with lube and light visualization of real encounters I MO alone. Gf sleeping.

    it sucked. Didn’t get fully hard, felt like finishing even when not fully hard and when I did finish it was meh. And felt shameful. Wouldn’t have been able to penetrate with it .

    in the morning I had a little bit of morning wood so finished it off with my pocket pussy finished very quick wrection was better than night before. So maybe it’s helped. I don’t know.


    I’m extremely discouraged and I’ve communicated to my gf my feelings.


    - I’m Sexually frustrated
    - I’m discouraged
    - I’m worried it’s going to affect us (either just how bad it is or how bad it’s affecting me either way)
    - my confidence is lower because of it
    - I’m not sure I’m on the right path to recovery
    - hypno doesn’t seem to be working as well as I expected

    I’m sad I’m doing the best with lorn by far now and my results are sexually the least confident I’ve ever been in my life.

    at least before I’d get spontaneous night time erections that were great or if I didn’t PMO/O for 7-15 days I’d have a very good erections.

    now it’s just big flatlines and PIED nonstop and negativity


    It’s so difficult tbh
     
  5. You are in flatline. Accept it and forget about your dick until your erections come back. By testing and orgasming without libido you are stalling recovery or even blocking it. 9 months is nothing for many people. It was nothing for me when I recovered.
     
    R3balance likes this.
  6. TrueDat

    TrueDat Active Member

    Hope things get better soon. Having a supportive gf during recovery can help, in the longer run things will work out. Like mentioned above, flatlines can come and go during many years.

    I am also in a long flatline and I think no O will be the way to break it.
     
    R3balance likes this.
  7. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Hey man,

    Sorry to hear your situation hasn’t improved in those 9 months. I’ve just reached 13 months with zero porn and masturbation, including 100 days without sex, and I am still not healed. Low libido, no morning wood, unreliable erections, etc.

    So, from one rebooter to another, let me tell you this: you are in no position to be discouraged. For severe cases, it takes more than 9 months to heal. My advice to you is to take care of yourself as much as possible, and to manage your expectations. Many guys need 1 or 2 years to heal, and it seems we are like them. So it’s essential that guys like you and me learn to stay away from despair and discouragement during this journey. Be patient, and try to feel good about yourself and your life, regardless of where you are in terms of recovery.

    In case you haven’t read these, I will share a few of my favorite success stories with you. Those guys needed more than one year to heal, but in the end, they managed to cure their ED, and that’s what matters. I’m amazed to see how many guys don’t read success stories, it doesn’t make sense to me. Those stories show us the way in this journey, so remember to go back to these stories when you have a bad day. And don’t forget to consider other elements, like hormones, pelvic floor health and psychological issues, because even if they aren’t the main factor, they can contribute to the problem too.

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...with-complete-pied-to-consistent-sex-with-gf/

    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/long-term-reboot-success.203440/

    https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/reb...its-like-post-acute-withdrawal-syndrome-paws/
     
    R3balance likes this.
  8. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Thank you for your advice
     
  9. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    thank you for your support and relating to me. I appreciate your optimism and connecting with me
     
  10. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member


    Thank you so much. Very thoughtful post and I really appreciate you bilbo. Congrats to you where you are in your journey, for your optimism and for supporting me when I was on a low on my journey.

    pelvic fooor and psychological issues are definitely a part of my problem. Success stories never motivated me. I don’t know why. I’m at a different stage now though maybe they’d hit different I will read those Ones you shared thank you.
     
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  11. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    So I have experienced a lot since my last post.

    thaT was me on a complete low I was very discouraged and frustrated.

    this is not a linear journey but my overall progression is upwards and that is apparent to me now.

    so since my last post I have had more intimacy and more successful sexual encounters with my
    Gf then the last 4 years of my life combined.

    I had a session with my counsellor then one with my hypno after my last post and it helped me
    Pick myself up big time.

    I focused on getting on track. I was letting my hypno tracks slide, I was sleeping bad, I was not exercising daily, I was not doing the things I needed to take care of myself.
    I got back on my daily hypnosis tracks, exercising. I used my pocket pussy a couple times and then intimacy started with my gf again.

    I’m going to share my sexual
    Experience so if you are sensitive to sexual descriptions / encounters and it triggers you don’t read anymore.

    She initiated sex with me and I responded for the first time in our relationship. All other times it has been me and she has to get into it if that makes sense. So it was a huge success and she noticed it and we talked about it the day after how cool that was.

    After that we had a nice little stretch. It made me feel very close to her and very good about us.

    then we had a little 6 night trip and 3 nights we were in the middle of nowhere zero cell reception.
    On this trip I had some really good Erections. Even one when I Was Driving for like 5 Minutes and I was begging to pull over and have her on the side of the road.

    honestly it was nuts. It was how I wanted my erections to be how they should be. Like on cialis successfully. It feels so fucking good to have a full erection I love it. I was proud of them. I honestly wanted her to praise and celebrate them. She doesn’t and I don’t kno if it’s weird I want that but it feels Fantastic.

    then we come home and I’m overwhelmed with work/life stress. Financial planning for future goals, work restrictions, covid and family dynamics/ friendships etc and it threw me off big time. We were weird For the first few Days back. Sexually there was a bit of a Disconnect /Drop off too.

    anyways The other day I had another amazing erection like on our trip and it was the best like how I visualize sex should be for us but it didn’t last long. I felt My mind wander a little and anxiety crept in and I started to lose it while going harder and next thing I know I could feel it getting soft. If I had a condom it wouldn’t have been safe to continue u know what I mean. And it just killed it for me. Yes it was late, yes I was tired, yes I was going hard at that point but instill lost it completely. And both dayS before that I had two successful oral experiences with her start to Finish which are very confident building for me for my erections. So I was surprised I went from building up success and function to feeling confident, having a really good erecrion and having great sex for a few minutes to losing it completely out of no where.

    And then the day after in the morning since I didn’t finish I was prettt aroused in the morning. I lost it waiting for her to get in the mood and trying to penetrate. So my confidence was deflating. Since I got her in the mood we still played and I used to toys. It got me to the point where I could penetrate but at that point it wasn’t that hard and wasn’t getting harder and I finished ASAP... I didn’t feel
    Good about it. But tried to not let it ruin her experience and used toys with her.

    overall I am advancing. It’s clear to me. So I need to be grateful for where I am and the progress made so far.

    No O is not the reason for my flatlines.

    things that affect me Sexually are:

    - work stress
    - feeling overwhelmed / anxiety
    - negative conflict with those I care about
    - disconnection from partner emotionally
    - video gaming sessions that numb me / activate dopamine receptors
    - gambling
    - binging tv shows by myself
    - internet scrolling On IG or clothing stores

    I feel these above things hurt me much more than Oing or masturbating with my pocket pussy.

    I feel like expressing healthy sexual function or real intimacy with a partner does no harm
    At all. Asides from activate the association in brain from real sex to the porn pathway I wrongly learned as a Kid.

    this pathway is continually being weakened though every day.

    right now I just finished a disentanglement hypno track. The goal is to weaken the association between porn and healthy intimacy. So if I’m home alone and thinking of porn or feel that pathway light up, or my dopamine receptors are lit up from another activity like gambling, video games, internet I will listen to this track.

    today was my first day. And I was in tears while in a trance state it was very intense for me and quite the experience. I visualized dispelling my porn connection and strengthens / kept my self compassion and real Healthy intimacy.

    Right now I have three hypno tracks:

    1. DAILY CALM track

    this is like my mental health daily hygiene. Like teeth brushing it’s 10 minutes a day and it’s very noticeable the benefits I experience
    From it. It also helps me with my overthinking sexually to keep my mind calm. This track is part of my Daily routine and when I’m missing it things get more scattered.

    when I’m done I visualize a confident core and the colours purple and green oscillating and recall moments of confidence where I had great success in sports as a teenager and sexual experiences where my penis was firm.

    2. blood flow / erecrion track

    The confident core visualization Feeds into this track and I do listen to this less often but after I’ll listen before bed when I feel I need to. I should listen to it more often thought o be honest. Aiming for 1/2x per week.

    3. disentanglement

    I described already and listened today for the first time.



    Honestly guys I thinking I’m going to be 2 year case before fully cured. Maybe I won’t ever be to the point I think I can get to but I am capable of sex now at times. And that’s a lot more than I could say a year ago.

    for anyone looking for motivation from my story my advice:

    1. Porn is not an option

    2. Seek counseling to do the self work required to increase your self awareness and get in touch with ur body. I feel this is key in recovery.

    3. Be vulnerable with who you can trust, even if it’s taking a leap with a girl you really like. People are more accepting and most are scared to open up. Build a foundation and friendship with someone then share when you are ready. Being vulnerable and dispelling your shame are huge.

    4. If you can afford hypno honestly try it. It’s been huge for me. And if not try and find a free daily calming track at least. It’s been massive for my mental health and recovery.

    5. uNplug from the internet as much as possible. And I mean as much as possible. Screen time and dopamine highs are the real enemy to our recovery. At least for me.

    6. Stay positive. Expect lows and know flatlines and the lows are normal and part of the process.

    -

    I’m starting to get a little nervous excitement / anxiety for my 1 year porn free marker but I’m also ducking insanely proud of myself. I made a promise to myself to conquer this before I was 30 and I have fully committed this year to it.

    If I can do it any of you guys can. From my journal history you can see how long of a fucking battle this has been. Never quit on yourself.

    I know none of us no eachother and this might sound bizarre but I have so much love and compassion to you all on this forum board. No one understand truly how this feels except for you guys. And it upset me And makes me emotional knowing how hurt we have been from this. But we cannot change the past. Only what’s next. Don’t wait another day, don’t let your addict brain win any more mental battles. You guys are all unbelievablY strong, resilient and you can recover and you can find love and connect with someone amazing.

    check in with you guys around my 1 year mark July 20th.

    Stay strong! <3
     
  12. Thisworld

    Thisworld Member

    Sound really good. Congrats!
    Also what about morming woods at this stage of recovery ?
     
  13. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    At this stage they are very frequent. Unless it was a very short sleep or I had sex in the middle of the night.

    and THANK YOU
     
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2021
  14. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    So I am almost at the point of writing a success story post I feel.

    Since the end of June when I wrote that post and I hit my 1 year mark my sex life has improved insanely.

    Erections are more frequent, they last longer, when I lose it I dont get upset and it comes back, sex has been fun, sex has been intimate.

    I am having so much fun with my partner and having healthier intimacy has been so great for us both.

    Reaching my 1 year mark was an unbelievable feeling. My GP talked with me and praised my dedication to my recovery, my counsellor congratulated me and got me an orchid celebrating my milestone, my gf celebrated me and I cried a couple times feeling like I have reached an unachievable goal and that it was almost too good to be true.

    I am in such an amazing place right now. My mental health is on an another level. I want to marry my gf and I am already thinking and planning proposal ideas for next year if I can wait..

    I will write a better post and I think a success story post after some time where this success is continued.

    Thank you everyone who follows my journal. Thank you everyone who has supported, motivated or sent me positive energy. Even if you never posted and just read along, thank you.

    If I can do this you can as well.
     
  15. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    That sounds really good! Really happy for you. And reading your story should give people hope.
     
    R3balance likes this.
  16. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    thank you. I hope it does honestly. I was completely hopeless. And now I’m thinking of marriage, kids, healthy relationship, Etc. All which felt unattainable.

    so just as everything has highs and lows here’s the reality to life.

    Still 100% porn free but right now I’m going through a trough and test.

    About 1-2 weeks now I’ve had:

    - time away from work (not relaxing time though)
    - friends and family members dump their shit on me and have had BIG talks since I’ve done so much self work I’m a very good safe person to now talk with. I’m not a professional counselor but I can recognize I have always been a person people feel safe sharing with because I don’t judge, and I share vulnerabilities as well when needed. But now I have lots of tools, knowledge learnt from years of growth, and self work with professionals. But anyways it drains you and for some reason the last little while it’s been multiple friends and multiple family members
    - have not had time to properly take care of my self care needs
    - injuries had a set back
    - dog got sick
    - gf away
    - not enough sleep now on average
    - missing my daily hypno meditation track

    Bundle it all together and I’m:

    mentally, physically and emotionally drained.

    with my self cup being very empty.

    Very aware this puts me high risk for:

    1. porn urges to escape/avoid my feelings
    2. Binge eat
    3. Video games

    now I’ve ate some crap but it hasn’t been too bad, and I’ve mo twice without porn or fantasy today with my pocket push just thinking of my gf. But I acknowledged that’s enough now. Because anymore and I’m using it to escape my feelings not because I’m that horny to fuck a piece of plastic. I talked to my gf about it too and shared how I’m feeling.

    inwrote down an action plan:

    1. mediate
    2. Journal on here my experience
    3. Unplug from phone and turn it off (text her before and when I turn it back on)
    4. Clean the house, it’s a mess and it’ll be productive
    5. Eat
    6. Stretch and massage my injuries with the tools I have
    7. Have an Epson salt bath with a hypno track
    8. Walk the dog
    9. Turn phone back on
    10. Smoke weed and bed

    everyone needs to know you don’t just reach success and it’s game over. It’ll be a constant battle there will always be lows and high but the lows are getting more shallow and I’m equipped to not fall as deep and get up faster now when feeling this way.

    anxiety is high right now, I know why, I know how to handle it and I will and it will pass

    porn is not an option not a solution and that’s a fact.
     

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