Committing to a Porn Free Life. I CAN do this! Persistence is Everything.

Ill look up side clams and I’ll give that a whirl I’ll do it after my daily mediation see if it helps!

let me know how it goes for you!

 

Blood flow good, erections good, but we need them to respond when they should and tonstay hard enough for proper sex !

I was curious if my problem was more PA than PIED at this point so i tried MOing yesterday all alone. Relaxed had some lube, cock rings and a pocket pussy I wanted to use my hand as little as possible, as light as possible and just see how I respond to sensation only. And the only fantasizing I’d allow was my actual gf real life stuff we’ve done.

And guess what it was exactly how I am with her right now so it gave me mixed feelings.

I just couldn’t get fully hard or maintain it even in my own. I couldn’t even get hard enough to penetrate the pocket pussy lol... so I used a cock ring when I was the hardest I could get and I put the tip in and came instantly. Exactly how I feel like when I’m with her.

So Confirmed I can only have sex right now when my dick decides on its own unrelated to real life arousal or I have a cialis and whenever it decides to kick in again unrelated to real life arousal.

I only get errctions consistently in morning now or last couple days I’ve gotten them randomly like yesterday I got one while driving and on the couch with her.

I think the random ones are good signs though.

It’s Just really annoying.

I don’t get aroused downstairs in real life scenarios while fooling around, cuddling, kissing etc. I even slammed her with a strap on and stayed soft the whole time..

that’s what’s up with me. Zero pressure from the girl.

She’s going through a. Difficult time rn her bf is in a terrible life situation she’s trying to emotionally support her and she’s struggling with some things so I’m trying to support her. Took her to the spa yesterday and made her a really nice steak dinner to try and help her relax. Having the sex toys takes pressure off me and my emotional support and Other intimacy still connects us. It’s just frustrating cause we are physically a very attractive couple and are attracted to each other and my sick acts like it hates her when really it just hates everything and everyone rn including me.

It’s hard not to live with big regret. I’ve missed out so many sexual experiences as a teen and young adult.

But who knows maybe that’s why I am a relaxing giving and considerate person to the people closest to me. Maybe that’s why I’m respectful of women. Maybe if I grew up like that I’d be just another asshole. I do know if I didn’t have this problem things wouldn’t have worked out with my gf as taking things as slow as we did and not having sex is what built our relationship to where it is now. So I am grateful for that

I have my next hypno on Tuesday and that’s gonna be a targeted video for sexual function so really looking forward to it and hoping it helps.

 

Man, does cialis work for you? Then why don't you use it to rewire?

 

Try and keep the pelvic floor relaxed by breathing deep into abdominals/balls one guy on here made a thread it’s quite a popular one aswell just can’t remember where to find it ! and he basically went from 80% at all times to 100% erections .

 

Takes a long time for some guys mate I wouldn’t worry and yeah I think u probably can actually have PA with your own hand especially if your trying the pocket.

 

So Since trying srs with my gf since whenever it was August or September I tried a small bite of a viagra. Like a little kibble. Nothing.

then I tried my friends generic cialis. Bad bad symptoms of headache flushing and stuffy nose but it did work we had sex three times. Was a very high dose. And each time was when half asleep in bed way way later after taking the pill.

then I got a 10mg script from my doctor.

4 pills I’ve used jt twice now.

First time nothing while sexually doing things then I woke up in middle of night with a great Erection and we had sex missionary for a couple minutes. That was a good erection.

last time I used jt was recently and it kinda worked and she gave me a bj. Lost it part way but switched between my hand and her mouth.

it kinda works but it doesn’t work how it should.

part of me is worried there is something physically wrong because even when I was using porn last my erection quality really fell off.

I’m hoping it is just a terrible pelvic floor with PA now for the weak erections and inability to maintain while moving. And that the pied is why my real life arousal responses aren’t there.

I kinda just use the cialis when it’s been a long time and I really need it. But I wanna try and not use it as much as possible.

1 it’s expensive
2 I don’t respond that great to it
3 I don’t want to be reliant on it
4 it kinda makes me feel worse when I take it and I still stay soft during sexual cues

 

Please send if you find it I’m very interested in this and I think this is a big part of my issue

 

ya I don’t know even without the pocket it wouldn’t have made a difference and there was no anxiety of another person to worry about you know

 

What I don’t understand rn is:

I can’t be in a flatline because I am getting some sort of morning wood almost every day.

this is correct right?

or can I be in a flatline?

because this no pmo journey I’ve been on since July is so different then any other time in my history.

Of course it’s the most successful but it’s just really different.

usually after going 7-15 days of no O I’d get super horny physically. That hasn’t happened to me once. I’ve had a couple nocturnal horny nights. But In the past I’d get so horny I couldn’t control my nocturnal self or I’d Mo and then I’d have a chaser and fall back into PMO binge life. Or Some sort of cycle like that.

This time I’ve been fully in control of my
p urges and chasers. But my libido hasn’t really come back for my dick. Mentally I’m super Horny and frustrateD but it hasn’t translated physically.

Like I feel like Almost 8 months in with a rewiring partner I should be able to Mo or feel horny outside of my morning erections. And that’s the thing I’m not even that honey in the morning it’s just like hard and I’m disconnected kinda from jt.

I think this is the most disconnected I’ve ever felt from my sex drive and penis.

Curious to see if others think I’m actually in a flatline or if this is just part of the process.

 

Big time triggers today for me.

gf is away I’ve Od a bit more recently. Lots of work things going on and feeling stressed with big decisions.

injuries bothering me but doing my best.

came across some triggering images on ig and I entertained them for a moment before blocking them off my feed. I didn’t hunt for more or Pmo to them but I def have felt urges too.

I haven’t had this in awhile.

Contributing factors: 3 nights of inadequate rest and kickboxing while tired. Stress. Injuries. Diet and fitness haven’t been as consistent. Played video games for an hour yesterday first time in over a month gave me a rush. I shut it down and got off though.

what I’m going to do today to avoid these urges:

focus on my work
Clean my place
Have a power nap
Prepare for kickboxing
Mediate x2 my hypno calm video once Well before kickboxing and once before bed
Get my 10k steps in with my dog already at 7k
Foam roll and Have an epsom salt bath followed by a cold shower after kickboxing
Meet with my friend to discuss a strategy for my new creative venture
Reach out to my gf and tell her

 

I texted this to my gf too


“I need to tell you this i had urges to hunt for and see porn today. I had a trigger pop up on one of my new ig pages and blocked it.

I think three nights in a row of bad or short sleeps and a few other things are contributing factors. And I think using the pocket pussy myself a couple Times now recently. Not like I’m feeling powerless or anything but it’s the first time in awhile I’ve even had a n urge like that I’ve had to fight off or keep
Busy.

I just wanted to share with you to empower Myself and for support”

cause I want her to know and I want to empower myself to overcome it easily.

i Also feel like recognizing it and then casting it away is more powerful then just trying to ignore it

 

Gf responded even better than I expected. Supportive and proud of me for how I am handling it step by step and understanding why I’m vulnerable tot he urge and the steps I’m taking.

deciding to take the night of kickboxing it’s the very logical thing to do even tho only W
2x a week. Going rn I clearly wouldn’t recover well from seeing how run down I am now.


Gonna focus on my work clean rest and have a nice tub and if urges are strong call my
Mom to Distract myself.

 

Thanks @UK Don and @dualwield for the support.

I made it through the night and I have all these exciting nerve racking things going on right now.

surrounded by opportunities and I’m going to try and capitalize on them all.

Feeling ambitious and motivated.

excited to be putting time into something tangible. Not just video games or watching Netflix.

very stressed about my dog. He has very bad separation anxiety. Worked him up to 60-90 minutes home alone which took a while and he cracked one day now he can’t be left alone 2 minutes without panicking. With summer around the corner it’s stressful cause I won’t be able to leave him in the car at all so even less options for m. Gotta figure this out asap

my libido is feeling a bit more connected which is nice. Feeling more connected to partner, Oing a bit more, feeling attracted to real life connections more and woke up today with the best erection I’ve had in awhile. Was sad it was a night my gf wasn’t over but regardless I was very happy to have it. Was very full and I even went to the washroom to look at it in mirror and compare to a dildo as silly as thst sounds LOL ended up walking back to bed feeling good about it and still strong. Usually I move around I lose it and usually not that full.

I had a really nice epsom salt bath and cold shower before bed so maybe that’s a good formula for me!?

 

So happy for this. You are definitely progressing. Keep going.

 

I’ve had some really good steps everyone.

I’ve gotten so close with my gf now. Like I’ve never felt a partnership like this before. I’ve been very supportive of her lately as she’s been going through some things and it’s taken a lot of my energy. I’m
Going to have to priortize my Needs or I won’t be able to Show up for her or myself the way I need too. She’s appreciated it so much and it’s really
Strengthened our bond.

Sexually to I have taken some steps I have responded well a Few times with her kinda built Up Slowly but lots of connecting time. I’ve gotten hard cuddling with her twice now on the sofa. And once in bed. We had random sex one night before bed too which I was half asleep but fuck it was nice. The hypno tracks are
Starting to work to I believe really helping me especially
Since I’m in a very high stress period
For Work and financial Stuff rn.

so honestly sex isn’t a stress for me. My gf supports me, we have toys, I’m committed to no porn and getting better and I’ll
Continue to get better.

one interaction I lost my erection didn’t even get upset but we kept going and a little
Later after some visual stuff from her it got me going again and I never got upset or felt
Shame or Anything. The hypno is helping with that and my comfort level with her and feeling of
Love and support are Def factoring in

so good things on this front!

Also just before this I had my closest encounter to a Relapse so this is so rewarding.

 

Haven’t had time to journal overwhelmingly busy with work stuff and my Gf family Been visiting. Which has gone great!

May dogs separation anxiety is too bad now looking at boarding / training solutions to help.

my libido has been feeling better more connected.

responding to cuddling and light touching now. Not every single time but more than before.

things I think helping me:

- more comfortable and emotionally connected with partner
- epsom salt baths
- meditating (hypno)
- resisting a big pmo Urge back to back days
- pocket pussy to sensation only (no mo with hand)

I’ve played video games three times now since I kinda quit again.

The second I have the thought I should get off oh I’ll play one more I instant shut it
Off and that is Working for me now.

 

Soooo Past few days I’ve had not the best sleeps, not taken care of myself, resisted a huge P urge, used my pocket pussy a few times cause my gf wasn’t sleeping over as she had family visiting.

and first night she sleeps over with me I wake up with a great erection and we had sex.
Didn’t lose it, felt good, and it was fun. Wasn’t long but wasn’t short short. Def felt like big progress honestly im really happy with it.

and I think the hypno tracks really are helping me now.

 

I think Maybe because my libido is awakening and I’m Oing lots My porn urges can be strong when I’m tired/Alone.

playing video games and not getting enough sleep I have been having porn urges so I have to cut video games completely I think and prioritize sleep.

I faile din sex last night during. Like I lost my erection a few minutes in. Think I was just a little stoned and tired and got in my head a little too much. Today I lost my boner in the time from me moving around the bed, grabbing lube and getting ready to go in.

since my erections don’t always respond when they should my gf being really cool about just using it when I have it. So if she’s not into it right that second we’ll use lube. And if she’s not feeling well we will use my pocket pussy.

ovwrall it’s really working.

when I lost it after living up and everything. I just put the focus on her gave her a massage played with her, and then we used a toy to kinda tease me. It’s not only very visual but it worked. Ended up having sex. I didn’t last long then focus back on her. Overall it was lots of fun.

and zero negativity.

honesty introducing toys in the room has been huge. That plus the hypno and just me feeling closer and more comfortable with my gf every day has all really helped.

I feel like for the first time I’m actually seeing progress and it’s really a good feeling.

I’m starting to really feel like she is my life partner now too. I don’t want to get ahead of myself but working through our shit together, motivating each other to be better and pushing each other to take care of ourselves first has been a really good feeling.

At this point I can really see myself having a family with her. We are a ways away from that but I think she feels the same way. And I love how nothing in our relationship has been rushed

 

Maybe you should try ED meds soon. My experience was that as I proceeded with the reboot, their efficacy increased, and they were a huge help at rewiring. Having some good sex with stable erection will increase your confidence and will help you rewire your brain.

 

Honestly I am trying my best to limit them but right now I am in a weird phase so I think I am going to try one soon see how different the experience is now.