Committing to a Porn Free Life. I CAN do this! Persistence is Everything.

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by R3balance, Oct 26, 2012.

  1. Hey man. I can literally feel your pain. I was like you, recovered, felt how it is to have great sex, but fell back to MO and now I am in the same deep shit. Seems like you had some process, definitely not linear and not great but still process. My advice is that maybe you should consider orgasming less often. For many people, constant orgasming keeps them in endless low libido and bad erections circles. That was for me, and rewiring without O sped up the recovery when I recovered some years ago. Moreover, try to engage in sexual activites only when you feel physically capable. Orgasming with a 50% erection, is imo pathetic doesn't help that much rewiring. Finally, I really don't know if your girl's behavior actually supports your recovery. From you words I understand that she is applying a lot of pressure on you. Maybe you should discuss things with her again,you can even show her YBOP. Good luck
     
  2. UK Don

    UK Don Active Member

    Respect mate, it's super hard to keep on going when you aren't seeing the results you expect. Keep going and have faith though - lots of journals detail that recovery took longer than 7 months no P before full recovery.
     
    R3balance likes this.
  3. Krebs

    Krebs Active Member

    Man, there is no one day magical story and so. You make yourself every day. It is like writing a book. You have to write it down paga by page. There is no easy way and you have to embrace your own imperfection. Imperfection make you unic human but also you make yourself every day. Don`t be a ''good guy''. There is no ideal recipe which will fix you and you suddenly become a ''good healthy lad''. Bad unfair things can happen with good people as well as with poor. You have to live it and learn from it. You have to make a step back and detach. Then make a decision and boldly execute. YOU MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
     
  4. Hey man. From an outsider perspective, it sounds like you've connected a lot of shame to your sexual expression, and I think the point of resetting is to reach a point where you can feel empowered to pursue sexual acts that truly represent what you feel. If you feel constant guilt over having an orgasm, you're defeating yourself. Sex is fun, it should be a beautiful, loving act you share with someone. Why must you punish yourself for it, for trying? I think you're on the right path by not watching porn, but maybe it's time to connect to the parts of sex that are fun. Have a playful mind about this, I think you'll be okay in the long run, as long as you stop linking shame to the experience, and remember that it's meant to be an exploration that you and your partner go through to enjoy yourselves together.

    I hope that's helpful for you. I know there are some TED talks by Esther Perel, and School of Life videos, that might extrapolate more on the topic.

    Good luck man!
    T.
     
  5. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member


    Honestly I feel like only other members here can understand the pain we feel/experience. I know there are other painful/shameful/traumatic things but sexual dysfunctions with real life partners during our sexual primes is pretty fucking difficult.

    I have def had dome progress.

    Morning erections and bloodflow are progress. i have had sex a few times too. I have a partner I love too. etc but it is not enough for where i feel I should be based off my past experiences which is hard to stomach.

    I have been Oing very infrequently. Like I have Od 3/4x this whole month plus some of Jan only. And once was a wet dream.

    Ya Oing with a partial erection feels horrible I am not into it. Makes me feel embarrassed and shame and the actual feeling I dont like it.

    She is definitely supporting me the best she can. If I have said anything to make you think she isnt its either your interpretation or jsut taken out of context. Has she made it her number one goal or her job to assist my recovery no not at all. IS she supportive and understanding. Yes very. Do I feel 100% safe with her sexually no but that is my own insecurities, shame, frustration, anxiety and sexual trauma from constant failure and my fear I am going to continually disappoint her to the point she gives up on me. She really isnt pressuring me.that comes from me.

    I do need to talk to her though as when you dont have sex with your partner or intimate acts you feel detached/disconnected. At least I do. And then we have communication breakdowns and thats where my anxious attachment style suffers. So I need to communicate with her about a few things and to remind her that talking about sex/expectations and how she feels about things constantly is good.
     
  6. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Thanks mate I really appreciate it.

    I know 7 months doesnt sound as long in the context of some stories. It is just wild because 1 month use to be a massive mountain. And 7-15
    Days of no O in the past no matter how much PMO I was binging would lead me to my biggest Erections or Os ever. And now its not like that at all and Im 7 months in and I even had some porn flashes this morning when waking up cause I am so horny and just want to feel a fully aroused erection so bad.. of course I blocked the images in my head changed my thoughts and knew that was addict brain trying to get some space in my head but there is none to be had and any P watching would hurt me.

    I will keep going, and journal more and have faith all this work, all my efforts and commitment to change will result in healing my sex function forever.
     
  7. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Well I meant like a healthy sex drive where I can have fulfilling sex

    Thanks my man. I def know we all have imperfections and I am comfortable being open honest and vulnerable with my partner and well with you guys!]]

    Thanks for the support and words of encouragement. I appreciate it.
     
  8. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Sad seeing your counter at 0 days. Stay strong and do your best to not chase. Pick yourself up asap and dont dig yourself deeper down!

    I do have shame with my sexual function.

    I didnt exactly feel guilt of having an orgasm. I felt guilt having an orgasm with a shitty erection laying beside my partner I havent been able to have proper sex with. Does that make sense?

    I sometimes just feel like a big sex toy because my dick is useless and without that arousal/bloodflow it detaches me a little from the experience as well at times.

    You are 100% right though and shame is bad for my anxiety, confidence and overall PA. I am workign on it with my counsellor, and hypno, great insight and I will explore those videos.

    You are spot on though. It should be fun and there shouldn't be shame attached to it at all.

    Thank you man!
     
  9. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    ANXIETY is THROUGH THE ROOF today.

    tired

    Anxious Attachment bad today

    Wanting excessive reassurance, affection from my Partner

    Very stressed about work and an overwhelming wave of to dos and stress about covid implications to my business

    car accident injuries bothering me got a treatment today that was long overdue and was so Painful I almost cried during the session was very overdue because of a covid exposure at the clinic

    kickboxing and a starting for me next week 2x a week for small classes of select people . So stoked for that and that I got an invite was very flattering. I also had a pro boxer invite me to train with him for fun not for money as a friend so that made me feel really good.. hoping my elbow holds up it’s been killing me. To the point push-ups are not an option. I’ve it, take a joint supplement with curcumin and glucosomine and I try not to do things that would aggravate it. Like holding my dogs dog leash in that hand is a no no now. Probably what did it anyways to begin with.

    gonna get ready for bed do a meditation to calm myself wake up go for a hike and then crush the day get a bunch of stuff done and feel good about myself.

    cause right now I’m over 7 months PMO free. Am in Love. Have a beautiful dog. My own place. A currently secure life. Financial optimism for the future with a stock I hold even if my business goes under in the next couple years form covid. Opportunity to explore my creative side. The vehicle I’ve always wanted etc

    I have all the shit I could want. I’m set up for a happy life.

    I just need to continue to work on my myself and put the time into creating the things I want for myself. No one else is going to make that happen it’s in my power.

    also I’ve been thinking I may have a pelvic floor issue.

    either too weak or not relaxed enough. I always thought my urination issues were from anxiety and maybe swollen prostate (maybe it could be all of the above) from coming too much to then abstaining . But I think now it is anxiety and my pelvic floor muscles are weak I always have pee dribbles and long poops. And when I have been sexually active in the past I always struggled with PE. I thought this reboot once I was a few months deep that PE was gonna be my biggest issue not ED.

    But perhaps my pelvic floor is weak from all the years of edging and pmoing now that is why my erections are weak/partial when I do get them and when I do I lose it quick from anxiety getting frustrated with how weak it is.
    Just an idea but I’m gonna look into this more
     
  10. DWman6

    DWman6 New Member

    Yeah dude I’m 8 months in no pmo aswell I think weak pelvic floor can play a part especially if u keep it clenched and r leaking urine as I do . do some exercises and stretches for glutes , abs , hamstrings etc the surrounding muscles it may help you and if not u at least will feel less tight in the area .
    Also keep it relaxed by breathing deep into your balls
     
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  11. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    thanks man ya I’m gonna find a little pelvic floor routine and see if it improves.

    Are you finding it helps you? How long have you been doing it
     
  12. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    i Od last night with my gf. Was playing with her and I had blood flow but wasn’t hard and I used my hand with her and myself and I didn’t force anything I was light and it was fun even though I wasn’t fully erect the whole time it kinda came and left but we weren’t going to have penetrative sex so there was no pressure sor moment that would ruin the vibe kiinda thing. I also didn’t want to caus i woulA insta finished the second I went in lol

    I thought about it at one point but I wasn’t maintaining a hard enough erection for sex so I didn’t try. I did finish and it felt good the whole way through and I didn’t feel shame and she had fun too but still I was a little annoyed but not enough to feel bad or negative about it you knnw.

    I woke up in the morning again with another good erection too which was encouraging. My morning erections have been very consistent and healthy which is encouraging for me. Just wish it would be like that from real life cues and maintainable.

    think I’m Going to get there Eventually though
     
  13. DWman6

    DWman6 New Member

    I have only started a few days ago so I’m not sure yet but hopefully it does something !
     
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  14. Hey man I am sorry if I misinterpreted the situation with your girlfriend. You definitely know better than a random guy in YBR if she is the appropriate woman for you at the moment and I really hope you are right.

    Personally I cannot O more than once per month at the moment. And I remember when I rebooted back in 2016, this was the case in the beggining, later on I improved tons. I suggest that you discuss with your girlfriend to take a break from orgasms for let's say more than month and see what happens.

    Getting back MW is a positive sign, means that you are doing something good. Keep going man. I bet that during the next 6-7 months you will greatly improve sexually as long as you stay away from PMO and keep rewiring.
     
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  15. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    I’ll second that. I’m 11 months in and still don’t have morning wood, it’s clearly a good sign that you have it. It’s different for everyone: some can have sex but don’t have morning wood, for others it’s the other way around. We’ll get there, we just need more time.
     
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  16. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    Let me know if you start noticing a difference. What kind of routine are you gonna do exactly if you don’t mind me asking?
     
    DWman6 likes this.
  17. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member


    Thanks man. Ya honestly I feel super supported by her. It’s just my own pressure. My thoughts are so pessimistic and negative at times. She’s much more experienced then me sexually and it’s just these big insecurities I have since she never been with someone or seen someone with the same issue.

    we introduced some toys today to take pressure off everything too.

    I literally fucked the shit out of her with strap on tonight and that gave me mixed feelings. It was fun for her and fun for me but at the same time I felt like a lesbian at one point and just wanted to fuck her myself. Either way maybe it will help with rewiring.

    i Od again this morning with morning wood and my own hand while she was beside me. We agreed I have to stop using my hand entirely it’s just hard obviously.

    so we agreed I won’t use my hand anymore at all and if I lose it I lose it don’t use my hand. We also got a little pocket pussy and I’ll use that instead of my hand with her if I can’t penetrate her or whatever and she’ll use it with her hand since I have this real life intimacy anxiety with her rn.

    my thoughts and anxiety are just so toxic that I can feel it interrupting and blocking my erections now.

    i also got penis envy : anxiety since from pining for my whole young life I ofc don’t have a porn star dick. Especially when it staying flaccid next to big strap on.

    either way she reassured me she loves my penis size when it’s hard, and that I will get better and we will get there together which was really what I needed to hear today. It’s hard not to feel hopeless at times.

    mom just happy my resistance to pmo is so strong reinforced by my motivation and commitment to want real life sex with my gf.

    I don’t know I feel like there’s a balance of Oing.

    I think Abstinence from O to start is good for initial reset but long term I really don’t think it’s healthy. I feel like blood flow there is good And Os are healthy but slippery slope if too much or forcing them. I went a month without O recently and it put me in a flatline and a really bad place with anxiety build up to sexual activity again making my regular PA worse I think.

    I think I’ll know if I’m Oing too often especially if my morning woods disappear kinda thing.

    but I’ll be careful not to overdue it.

    Maybe I should try using it when I have it and holding off from Os as much as I can. And when I do make sure it’s not with my hand anymore and only with my gf by her or her using the pocket pussy. See how it goes
     
  18. R3balance

    R3balance Active Member

    interesting. I do find if I wake up with an alarm or early I don’t have it tho. Only when I sleep in or wake up naturally. I’d much rather have sex tho mate ahah

    I agree more time. More recovery. More distance from Overwhelming porn Induced arousal dopamine surges.

    we will get there. Need more positive affirmations for this in my head. Thank you bilbo
     
  19. DWman6

    DWman6 New Member

    glute bridge x3 60s
    8 point plank to fail
    Side clams x10 2 sets
    Hip adductions x10 2 sets
    Deep squats
    Then some stretching of those muscle
     
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  20. DWman6

    DWman6 New Member

    Same mate I’ve had some real mean morning woods but it’s frustrating still can’t have sex I feel ur pain !
     

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