you're not alone brother. anything i say is my humble opinion. no one may know what i am doing in the dark. but i do. and therein lies the rub. i am hiding a huge part of myself. in doing so i can not be honest with anyone about other mundane things. like i said before the secretiveness has spilled over into my life. i can't look people in the eye. sometimes i lie when the truth is nothing bad. anyway i can't concentrate on what people are saying to me when in a conversation because i am thinking,worried-what if they knew what i'm doing? anyway obviously self-esteem in the gutter, just like my mind. will take a while. working on it on a daily basis. sometimes 3 steps forward, 2 back. another of my ramblings. hang in there. i am.