Coming and reborn

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Sebs, Jul 5, 2021.

  1. badger

    badger Active Member

    you're not alone brother. anything i say is my humble opinion. no one may know what i am doing in the dark. but i do. and therein lies the rub. i am hiding a huge part of myself. in doing so i can not be honest with anyone about other mundane things. like i said before the secretiveness has spilled over into my life. i can't look people in the eye. sometimes i lie when the truth is nothing bad. anyway i can't concentrate on what people are saying to me when in a conversation because i am thinking,worried-what if they knew what i'm doing? anyway obviously self-esteem in the gutter, just like my mind. will take a while. working on it on a daily basis. sometimes 3 steps forward, 2 back. another of my ramblings. hang in there. i am.
     
  2. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Stay here brother...a key is to forgive your self...god made you and loves you a lot,
     
  3. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Good morning to every on, hope have a nice day, stay strong!
     
  4. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Good point. A while back I found my tastes escalating into watching Trans girls and that caused me all kind of confusion. Told myself it's OK because I'm only attracted to the passable, feminine type. As you say, it's a high level of dopamine that comes from viewing content that could be considered taboo or extreme. There are some studies on YBOP that show how porn warps our sexuality - gays guys watching straight porn and vice versa. It can completely fuck up our arousal template.
     
  5. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks...yes, but i think my principal pro lem is that i feel atracted to men...and thats why i watch gay porn...maybe im bisexual...i think i am so...im married and do t have gay sex,,,,so i watach gay porn...its a fkn circle...
    But i love my wife and family, my kids...so ill stay strong...at least no PMO for this moment. I think i didnt come out from the closet at time...im 40 and im not gonna throw my life away for gay sex
     
  6. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Today i feel good...a little hot but im gonna swim innthe sea i love. Want to watch porn but im not so hope you guys fight with me... god loves us all so i trust he can give us his strengt...have a good day!
     
  7. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Today i watch porn...gay porn and get my d...hard, was like "im alive" felt the blod, and heart beating....almost end in my swim wear...i erite this because want to share that is not easy...think mu body needs this drug...hope not stay too long on this shit...
     
  8. 200DaysMission

    200DaysMission Active Member

    Hey Sebs,

    That's a pretty common reaction, and one that illustrates how much of a hold on you this thing can have.
    I'd encourage you to move on, as soon as possible.
    But don't beat yourself up too hard, and come back stronger mate.
     
    Sebs likes this.
  9. Sebs

    Sebs Member

    Thanks bro...i can tell that this is an adiction right now...before i saw it like a play...now i see that my brain wants it.
     

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