Climbing the Mountain

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by LastTrainHome, Dec 9, 2020.

  1. LastTrainHome

    LastTrainHome New Member

    Hello. I am currently trying to free myself from porn. So I am going to start a journal here that I will update from time to time. Some brief context: I am not a long-time user. When I was in my early teens, I had a very, very small bout with soft porn for a couple of months. I stopped and fortunately didn't have much problems other than the occasional sexual fantasy, which I used only to get a boner. However, I guess the problem didn't quite end there. Due to a lot of different reasons, I got into serious use of porn in March of this year. I've had enough at this point, and am tired with how it has effected my mind. Just like everyone here, I want to be a better man than I have been. A few days ago, I set up the PMO tracker. It was embarrassing to start on day 0 (of course), but I have started making changes to my habits and lifestyle to help me solve the main problem in my life, of which porn is only a symptom of. I am hopeful it is working. If anyone is willing, I ask that if anyone notices my PMO tracker get set to zero to call me out, just to keep me accountable. I would appreciate that. I know the name of the game is "recovery" not "abstinence" so I am trying to change my mindset on that as well.

    Thanks for reading and I wish all of you success in your individual journeys.
     
    TrueDat and Krebs like this.
  2. LastTrainHome

    LastTrainHome New Member

    Hello Everyone. I have relapsed twice within the past week. I was going pretty good for awhile, but once I hit a week, I had some serious urges. I went a few days after a couple days of struggle, but recently broke it again this morning. I am disappointed, but I am not letting that disappointment convince me that I can't do this (which is a good thing I suppose). I am also not looking at my progress as how large my day streak is, which is a form of progress I suppose. Yet, there are a lot of things I'm still working on. I know what my triggers are, and had been doing pretty well at avoiding them. I haven't been using porn sites anymore, and haven't had any problems with wanting to visit one, but when I have tripped I have done it through YouTube. The thing about this is that I don't want to use YouTube for bad things like pornographic videos, because I enjoy using it to find documentaries or other fun videos to watch. I know that the website offers the "restricted mode" service, but it is so easy to disactivate it when I struggle with urges, as all I have to do is click a button. I even tried "locking" restricted mode, but all that did was make it so I have to put in my email password, which... did nothing. So, for anyone who can/would be willing to answer, I have a couple of questions:
    1. Does anyone out there know a good way to filter YouTube AND lock the filters in a way that would be hard to bypass?
    2. Does anyone have any advice for when the urges hit hard, what one might be able to do to make it through without succumbing?

    That's about it for this post. Here's to the next one being one of more progression and victories!
     
  3. Swimming in Circles

    Swimming in Circles New Member

    Hey man, congratulations on a month clean. I'll offer my advice on your questions:

    1. Youtube/internet filtering is annoying to enforce without enlisting somebody else's help most of the time. I spent a long time trying to create the perfect filter using k9 but I always managed to find a way around it - because I set it up - It knew how it worked so of course I knew how to get around it! What I'd recommend is getting somebody else to set up the youtube account for you and logging in for you - that way you can't deactivate restricted mode because you don't know the password. Alternatively, using a blocking service like covenant eyes (unfortunately a paid service, but pretty effective) will force restriced mode via your DNS settings so you cant deactivate it at all. This will also require getting someone else's help to moderate your cov eyes settings for you, but this has the added bonus of sending them a report if the software catches you looking at anything you shouldn't. I find this to be a very good relapse deterrent personally.

    2. When urges hit you NEED to remove yourself from your current environment. Trying to stay abstinent from willpower alone is a losing battle - compulsive behaviour always beats it out in the end. Making it impossible to view porn by getting yourself away from all internet access is the way to go, you don't need to rely on your willpower then because you physically cannot watch porn. As always getting help with this is best - if you're living with other people, give them your phone/laptop/computer and tell them not to let you have it for a while. Alternatively going for a long ass run is good for this. gets you away and hits your brain with a blast of serotonin and endorphins which helps you think straight.

    Feel free to ask if you want any more advice - we've all got your back, and you've got this.
     

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