I feel better today. Also that means Im triggered lol triggered when feeling bad and when feeling good Im triggered this crazy addiction man...
Life is a constant search for balance..but you're on the good road. And..I'd rather feel good, than bad
Thx bud I am learning to stand up for myself. My ex gives me plenty of opportunity to do just that. And when I stand up pple notice as Im a tall big guy it is just that I made myself small. Stand up, look in the eyes like a real alfa male, firm handshake, chest out, deep determined voice and a smile. Damn it that is hot!
I visited a chat room today and MB. This is simple but difficult. I am trying to do something that doesnt match my inner picture of myself and my life. I am too focused on what is out there instead of what is inside. I need to change what is inside. And that is done by starving my beast not allowing any dopamine to flood those receptors. At the same time I need to build new habits. Every day. Im not ready to start moving towards Camp II. But Im not giving up.
Short term goal: Base camp goal 1 reach 7 days goal 2 reach 3 weeks Camp II 30 days Boundaries: no dating sites no google searches no fb no instagram no chat rooms no triggering tv
To my future tempted self: remember how the day after looks like. Emptiness in your stomach. Anxiety. Annoying feeling all over. feeling you are all over the place. also remember what being clean will bring you: feeling enough. feeling you will be ok.
Good note to your future self clean. It's exactly what relapse binges feels like for me. Let's keep working towards camp site #2. It's been a while since I made it 30 days.
I believe that people show up in our lives for a reason. When we need to practise around an area we struggle with suitable teachers appear. When we let go of the ressisting these pple and reas clear up. I shall remember that there is a plan and that nothing is a coincidence. I must learn to trust it.
reading some recovery litterature today 'But breaking free of addiction requires more than simply plugging in self-help tips. It means fundamentally changing how you live. It means dismantling the addictive framework of your life—how you see yourself, what you believe, how you take care of yourself, and how you relate to others—creating a healthy structure in its place.'
'It’s impossible to recover from addiction without breaking the cycle first. The road to recovery starts with total abstinence. Until recently, many psychotherapists, especially those unfamiliar with addiction, thought that addicts had to first resolve their underlying psychological problems in order to break the addictive cycle. The belief was that they had to acquire enough self-esteem, insight, and relief from inner conflicts to be “cured” of the addiction problem. But most professionals now know that abstinence is a prerequisite for recovery, not its end point. Continuing to flirt with an addictive activity only keeps the cravings alive and makes relapse inevitable. The only thing that will eventually extinguish cravings is total and complete abstinence from the addictive behavior. If you continue to use even occasionally, you’ll be so preoccupied with that process and its consequences that you’ll be unable to make the kinds of changes that lead to real recovery.'
'Let's go back to the allergy model to better understand this point. The first thing someone with an allergy needs to do is learn to avoid the irritant. If he’s allergic to feathers, for example, he can’t keep sleeping on feather pillows and expect his symptoms to go away. Once he learns to avoid the irritant and is relieved of symptoms, he can then work on building his resistance and reducing his allergic vulnerability. But unless he first avoids the irritant, his energy will go into dealing with his symptoms, not to building long-term recovery.'
My coach is right. I need a goal. A big high one. One that will make me feel want to fight for it. I am dreaming big. I have the best woman beside me. I lift big in the gym. I enjoy my work. I love being a dad. No will be can be shall be. I already am just need to claim it and live it. So lets do it damn it!
