Climbing back into the light.

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Professor Chaos, Aug 27, 2022.

  1. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 21

    Today I’m finding really hard. My mind is just flooded. Usually three weeks is when I feel the strongest pull. Both for P and sexual thoughts. Feel like my attention is getting hijacked. I think I need to get off my phone. Too much scrolling is really close to searching for something stupid. You know, when you ‘accidentally’ find something. You know, when it’s not ‘your fault’.

    Ok digital detox for an hour. My mind is racing way too fast.

    PC.
     
  2. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    For me, it’s less about rewarding that derails my long term streaks, rather it’s getting careless. Thinking that I am free and it doesn’t control me any more. That I can walk up to the edge and not jump. We like to think that we have a lot more control than we do over our lives. If we did, marketing wouldn’t exist. We are so easy influenced. So many webs trying to guide us in different directions. Gives me a headache just thinking about it.

    Sorry to hear about your relapse. Just focus on how much time you have saved and how much of your life you have got back since you started. Watch out for justification and rationalizations. Get back into the groove and keep moving.

    PC.

     
  3. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member

    PC. Thanks for your encouragement about my relapse and for sharing how you are doing

    I agree getting careless can also be a big risk. Like the person who gets too comfortable on his motorcycle.

    But acknowledging that risk is a big step and will help a lot.

    Keep up the strong fight and great work!
     
    Professor Chaos likes this.
  4. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 25

    Feeling very low this morning. So much weighing down on me. My head is throbbing and I just feel this crushing weight on my shoulders. Depression sucks, but at least I know there is a way out of it and it’s not my default state. This is probably the hardest part of the reboot. Coupled with things going on with my family and just trying to get some immigration stuff sorted. All those things together adding up. Had long cuddle with my cat, now having a coffee. Going to go and see my wife and kid shortly. Need to be around family as loneliness is eating me up.

    PC.
     
  5. path-forward

    path-forward Active Member

    PC. G00d for you to use your journal to verbalize what you are feeling. And yes - loneliness and just general feeling of melancholy can weigh you down so much. Really sorry for your pain.

    but please try to use all the resources you can muster to fight through it. Your cat and ofc your family are great places to start.

    and please remember - using P only makes you feel further agitated and sad. It doesn’t fill voids. It creates deeper ones

    be kind to yourself. And savor your wins!

    keep on fighting!
     
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  6. Professor Chaos

    Professor Chaos Well-Known Member

    Day 30
    Right so that’s one month down. Bounced back after my depressive rant posted above. Today I could feel a strong pull and a lot of triggers were in place. Alone, bored, but hungry, but tired, but stressed. All of these add up to the danger zone. Fortunately I’ve been able to keep a lid on it. Just checked my counter and realized that it has been 30 days. No wonder I could feel the pull tonight. Always easy to stumble before the finish line. Going to put my phone away for a bit and do some drawing. Hang in there guys. It’s always just one more step.

    PC.
     
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