Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Chizzleman1, Jul 19, 2015.
Fuck real girls dude.
Thank you for your input, bro.
Stumbled upon an interesting article. Interested in hearing any others thoughts:
Hey man, I think MO'ing to facebook photos is still close to PMO-ing so you better be careful. You might condition yourself to like pixels instead of the real thing.
Nothing wrong with high standards for yourself.
What do you feel/think will make you stop MO-ing?
I just need to take the time to set it in my mind that it is forbidden just like I did with porn.
I swear I am the unluckiest person in the world. It is getting silly. Life is really trolling me lately.
So you masturbate if I'm not mistaken on daily occasions multiple times? Dude... STOP!! You gave up porn which is just a first step in a long run recovery.. Masturbating once or twice in like 2 weeks period is not bad, but what you're doing is the reason you're not seeing any progress. . Listen to your body. Why do u masturbate so much? Bored? Stressed? Checking for an erection? Doesn't really matter. . Replace that habit with exercise for a few months.. One of the biggest problems on this forum and many others is that people who suffer from ED PE etc.. issues only make few steps like
1. NO porn
2. No masturbation
And they just wait months and maybe even years and still no improvements.
You can't just sit there and wait for the problem to resolve in time on its own. I'll just make it short as possible and hope it helps you and I'm sure it will if you stick with it.
Most likely your problem is caused by (sorry if I'm wrong) by INACTIVITY. If you have weak glutes (caused by sitting too long or not being physically active you MUST get them back in action. Weak glutes cause tight hip flexors which means whatever you do since your butt is OFF your lower back takes over. You might experience lower back pain, hip pain, weakness in your legs and many others. You'd be surprised how important Glutes are to the rest of the body. When they're shut off very likely you'll suffer from some sort of imbalance.
1. GLUTES- work on them! Do exercises like bridges kettlebell swings and others you can find on YouTube. Try to proper walk daily as much as you can and make sure you flex your butt muscles when you walk. It's very important that you breath deeply bc most likely your pelvic muscles are tight from sitting and MO so much. Don't tuck your belly in. Relax and let your body free. Also check for anterior pelvic tilt. If your butt sticks out when you stand or walk then you have it. Make sure your hips do the work. Bring your hips/pelvis forward.
2. Hip flexor stretches.. To make it simple just find videos on YouTube and do those every day for 15-20 min.
There is so much to learn about your body and trust me it'll make so much sense once you start working on it.
There are many consequences do to inactivity like poor blood flow to your organs. Neurogical where tight muscles aggrivate your nerves.
This is just a basic info. You need to understand that it won't get fixed until you do something about it. Once you set up your exercise routine you will see down the road how it impacts on your situation. I've been there and I waited and wasted time for miracle to happen. Biggest mistake! Being active is no question in situations like this.
Hope this helps you because surely helped me.
If you need some advice or suggestions message me and I'll be glad to help as much as I can. Good luck!
Hey Lightning87 - Thank you for stopping by.
Don't think your message applies to me too much. I've watched no porn for over two years now. I had good streaks of no MO. I've slipped a bit lately. Yes, I've been unbelievably stressful because of my business. In short, a deal for tens of millions in financing just fell through and I'm getting close to broke. Never the less, I'm positive, but it is a very up-and-down and day-to-day type of life right now. I've also been dealing with a hypothyroid for the past few years. I've taken it quite seriously, yet levels are still balancing.
I'm in great shape. I go to the gym twice a gym usually 3-4 a week. For the most part I eat very clean and enjoy what I eat.
I believe things happen for a reason and I'm looking forward to what lies ahead.
Masturbated 4 times today... not one of my better days.
Have a good streak going of no masturbation. I got rid of all dating apps off my phone as well.
I have some serious issues to lay out, and I appreciate any feedback:
1. I recently met a woman. She is a couple years younger. Smart with a good job and career. We met in a funny way which resulted in me getting her # through a friend. This was a few days before the holidays so when I eventually texted her days afterwards, we hit it off. We have a strong connection. She acknowledges this as well. She is very pretty, funny, down to earth, slim (~110 lbs), big boobs, and a good person. We enjoy a lot of the same stuff. And we genuinely like being around each other. Our first night out, we spent like 8 hours together. Of course I kiss closed. She recently had surgery which means she is on crutches. It also means she is in a bit of pain and can't walk (or have sex) until she is recovered, which is not a big deal to me right now. While I recommend to anyone on here dating apps to simply talk to girls, I'm not for finding a girl to consider dating on such an app. This girl has never been on one, which is a huge plus for me. This last weekend, we spent the evening at her place and got seemingly very close to each other. You know, when you squeeze each other tight. She buried herself into me and could feel her breathing. After all the heavy cuddling and petting stopped, I remember going to the bathroom. I had a large heavy penis like I remember years ago. I wouldn't say I was very hard, but it was very full. I felt good at that point that if I needed to I could have an erection. That night we fell asleep holding each other on the couch and woke up at 5am. We had discussed the idea of staying the night, or at least I referenced it when I told her we could sleep together without sleeping together. I stayed the night with her. She can't really take clothes off even to bed, so that was a bit weird, but I had a very good time.
From the beginning I was candid and told her I have high standards, and that they mostly revolve around a woman and her character when it comes to sex and how they value it. She was also very candid and said she has been with several people, all in relationships dating back to HS. Based on a night out with her friends, asking a girl friend of mine about her, I can tell she is regarded as a "good girl," my type. The girl, whose opinion I value, had only good things to say about her and approved of her. That being said, one night, I asked her about someone I had noticed liked a photo of hers on FB but she wasn't friends with. She said she had been dating him for 4 months. I asked if they hooked up. She said yes, she made him wait 3 months, and the next week he brought another girl to a party and she called it off. This guy was someone I know and don't think particularly high of. She said she got played by a shitty person and tries not to dwell on it. My questions: Do any of you value the same morals as me? Do you need to know about your partners past? I'm not into that "I've changed" talk because no one wants what everyone has had and the past is the best indicator of the future. Would it bother you knowing someone you view highly slept with your partner? Again, this girl is very sweet, appears innocent, and I am certain she has between 4-8 partners. I've always looked to date only woman I could potentially see being with for a long time, so I just want to hear anyone with a similar mentality and their view/approach to the situation. This mindset is why I have a hard time simply having ONSs, because I think of how easy this woman is and how many other dudes she has done this with.
2. This "virgin" girl I've referenced before moved back after college for a couple of years in a different state. She is still a virgin. She needs to tell her parents she is staying at a friends house to even go out at night. She had stayed the night a few times before and did again last night. Man is she sexy too. She is 5 ft, 100 lbs, and 34 D boobs. I'm not sure if being a virgin makes her more attractive to me, but I certainly like it a lot. We probably got more intimate that I did with the woman above, simply because she wasn't hindered by an injury. I was teasing her a good amount and she would have her legs and inner thighs shaking from me licking her breasts up to her neck and ear, or kissing her near her panties. All she had on were panties. I had her on top of me grinding and making out, no erection. I had her below me with her legs wrapped around me, minor erection. Neither had my penis as "full" and big as I described above. I got very concerned last night. It has been a fantasy of mine to have sex with a girl like this for most of my life. Even though I know it would not happen last night, I know it can soon. And here she is, right there, and I'm not rock hard. At one point I actually remember thinking last night: "What is wrong with me?" Do certain guys require time to get comfortable with a woman? I felt and feel so confused about this. I feel like the thought now of "Oh I might not get hard" ruins my chances of it even happening. It is why I completely stopped porn 28 months ago and never looked back. Should I consider the above two scenarios good progress and "rewiring?" Honestly, the one woman I had a very good sexual relationship with required me many attempts before I could get rock hard and last a decent amount of time. I'm concerned this will hinder my ability to even maintain a relationship. Finally, is it weird that I almost feel guilty messing around with different woman without being candid about it? In no way am I in a relationship with either, but I am generally a very good dude and I try to act to others how I'd like them to treat me. I'm trying to figure out why I have a block of getting very hard for woman.
Thank you for everyone who reads this and responds. Man, 2015 was the most difficult of my life, but by far the best. It seems like our life is falling apart, right before it falls together.
Hey man, sorry to hear about your issues.
I just finished reading your 2 stories and my take-away is that you should just keep doing what you're doing - removing artificial stimulation and work on "rewiring" with girls.
I don't know how to treat ED aside from taking Viagra, so any advice I might give would not be as valuable as those other people in the forum. :
Just let me know how else I can help out!
With regards to MOing. When you orgasm your prolactin levels spike. At the same time your dopamine levels drop. It takes about two weeks for levels to return to normal (low prolactin, higher dopamine.)
So when you MO, you're really doing a disservice to yourself by keeping your sensitivity down.
This prolactin dopamine relationship is what keeps our sexual appetite in check.
Just google about the prolactin and dopamine relationship to orgasm.
Also "Masturbation to the point of sexual exhaustion has been seen in multiple studies to block androgen receptors so that only estrogen can enter them. One study even found out that it may take up to 15 days for that receptor to return into its normal state." http://www.anabolicmen.com/how-to-increase-androgen-receptors/
These are just two examples of why you should avoid masturbating. If you can go for say 3 weeks of no orgasm, you may notice a significant change in your arousal sensitivity. I'm not saying it's easy to do, but if you do it you may actually see improvement. I went 3 weeks with no O (no sex, no MO) and by the time I went to have sex I got hard as a rock the second we touched lips. Unfortunately I barely lasted 2 minutes having sex (at least she came first) which is unfortunate, but it was intense.
I don't mean to get preachy about masturbation. I'm just throwing it out there there that biological things happen when do you do or don't that can affect you.
Seconding what StrongerBolder said, I'm not sure what to advise other than trying an ED Med. If you can get a partial, then the ED med might get you to full (and keep it.) It worked for me early on. It helped me rewires, stay off porn, and MO. Over time I don't really need them anymore unless I MO, and that ruins me for a few days (even then ED meds work, but not as well.) So it's strong motivation to not MO. Admittedly there are those times where I'm going crazy and eventually give in, but it's rare that I can't power through.
(I can point you to places I've found inexpensive generic ED meds if you need since the real stuff is ridiculously priced.)
Thank you both for your responses.
Yes, when I committed to no porn over two years ago, I wish I had committed to no MO. Unfortunately I did not. I have several larger periods of time with no MO. 4 in one day was definitely an extreme outlier. Right now I'm nearing two weeks no MO and since I have several woman to hang out with and hook up with, I feel to be in a good position. Further, there are no expectations of sex right away, which I think is good. I will hold off MO for as long as possible. I'd like to give all my sexual releases moving forward with real life woman. Being that the woman who had surgery can't have sex for another few weeks, it could be perfect timing.
Funny you mentioned lasting 2 minutes. If she had an orgasm I'm sure she was satisfied. I'm certain I won't last as long as I'd like for some time. This, along with the potential of having erection problems has held me back, but I just need to be comfortable with whatever happens. Not getting hard? Get he naked, throw her on the bed, and give her a massage until you are hard. Improvise. It will be a big deal only if i make it, I guess.
I've been reflecting on my life a lot lately. There has been a lot of things going on. I've always been in the mindset where I only want to get with woman or potentially date a woman who I could see myself with. Further, I can have a very amazing woman, but the things I liked about her, I turn into negative thoughts in my mind. I think this is part of my "perfectionist personality." For example, one woman smokes a vape pen. I do too. I prefer to smoke rather drink on most nights. It is healthy (I get this special reserve kind) compared to drinking and I feel fine the next morning. One woman I'm dating does too. Great, we can get high and make love. Then I think, do I even want a woman who does this? Or for example, one has never had a ONS, only been with a reasonable amount of partners (4-8) and I start to dread that she hooked up once with someone I know. Or that they weren't ONSs, so they were in relationships, meaning it is likely they had sex often and did all kinds of things that maybe I haven't even experienced. I know it may appear very jealous, and I think a little jealously is good and healthy, but I do believe part of it stems from the fact I can't confident grab a woman, throw her on the bed, and make her screams throughout the apartment complex. Regardless, knowing a persons past is essential for me to feel comfortable with her and who she is as a partner.
I always try to connect the dots forward, even though this only works connecting the dots backwards. I'm very centered to myself. I enjoy time to myself because I deal with my emotions well alone. Around others, I'm viewed as strong, confident, dominate, etc. But if I meet a woman who has my interest, I immediately start to think: "Well what kind of GF is she?" "What type of sexual history does she have?" "What is her view on marriage?" or this, or that, etc. I've been told many times I have too high standards, which I've been wondering are unrealistic or not. I've had sex with under 10 people, so I wouldn't accept someone has a partner with over 10. I guess I have this "fairy tale" mentality where you will meet a woman who has been reserved most of her life (not necessarily a virgin) and you just hit it off, no games, etc. They say no one is perfect... true, but why not believe one person is perfect for you? Anyways, just venting.
YellowMinion - I will PM you now about PM meds. I think I'd be willing to try it when the time is right... which is soon.
I want to say, don't overthink it too much. Keep that simple goal of sex only with a woman. I know there's fear and anxiety over being with a woman and not performing, but understand that woman, at least the type you're with, are quite patient and forging putting the relationship first and sex second. Especially this one that knows about nofap, she's already on board with you as long as you're working toward improvement. Of course she's going to be frustrated if things don't pan out eventually to some decent sex in the long run, but you don't have to get it right the first time. I'd say that when you do start having sex with her, ease into petting and foreplay type things, and see how you respond. Be upfront with her about not being able to have sex if you think you can't (if she gets horny she may want/expect it.) Hopefully you're into oral or masturbating her so you can at least try to satisfy her.
In general, with my wife I try to get her off at least once orally, that way I don't have to worry about how long I last. She'll say "I came, so I'm good. Whatever you want to is up to you now." Usually I last at least through one more of her orgasms before I go when having PIV sex. A good night she's had 2 orgasms orally and 2 PIV sex and she's a very happy girl. By then she's done and wants me to finish. Not always, though. Sometimes she just wants PIV sex, one orgasm, and that's enough. Last time there was no oral, we went straight to PIV, I didn't last long (5 min?) and we came together (which is rare.)
So let's say you can't get it up. Are you willing to do oral to get her off? Do you know how to give a woman an oral orgasm (assuming she can come that way.) Perhaps use a toy if she's up for it. Some women are even OK with masturbating themselves and orgasm in front of you while you play with them, kiss them, or lick their V. I'm saying that as long as she gets off, you get a pass if you can't perform. So if you have a back up plan if you can't get hard enough to have PIV sex, that can help take the pressure off and taking the pressure off, at least for me, actually helps me get hard.
With any luck the backup plan gets so hot that you do rise to the occasion and it happens.
I don't have a woman who knows about nofap/PIED. I did tell one of the woman I am seeing about my thyroid issues. Think this was an easier potential excuse than explaining PIED. Regardless, I'm hopeful that based on our PMs that will not be an issue moving forward and I'm about to turn the corner.
I've given woman many orgasms. I love the feeling of a woman orgasming with me during sex. More typically, it is easier for woman to orgasm not through sex. Some of the "best orgasm I've ever had" from I've given to woman were from using my fingers. Honestly, I've never gave oral... just something I wasn't excited to do.
What thyroid problems do you have? I have been to the ED twice with racing heart and palpitations and feeling like im going to die, they said it could be my thyroid so i got some bloods done but no results yet.
I have hypothyroidism. I take a pill every morning for it. Still working on balancing it correctly.
Met another girl at my gym the other day. I approached her and got her number. Went out on a date this weekend. We had a good time at the bar for a drink. She lives very close to me so she followed me back home. She wanted to listen to music and I offered champagne. I kiss closed. She has a very slim body (I like that). Think she got tipsy and didn't want to drive. I got out in front and said: "You know, so you feel comfortable, you can sleep with me without sleeping with me." She stayed the night, so our first date was 16 hours.
I can't imagine myself bringing home a gym chick like you did. I feel that the gym might be SJW-ridden and someone might call me out for "harassment" :
From Nickd247 success story:
heres a really important one. this, especially for us young guys, is a huge issue. OUR DICKS ARE FINE! there is nothing wrong with us physiologically. the problem lies within our brain. We are our own worst enemies. the cure for this is no more porn, no more masturbation, and slowly rewiring with a caring partner. over time, you will find you self defeating attitude will disappear. you will forget about and quit thinking "oh god, what if my cock doesnt work! what if it doesnt stay hard! oh no!!". you will just relax and let things happen. this is the formula for erections that last.
I think I have a severe case of Performance Anxiety and it is my final barrier.
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