ChickenDinner22's journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by chickendinner22, Jan 2, 2021.

  1. Just looking to start a journal and perhaps have some accountability.

    Short story (and I will post more later): started masterbating at age 11. At some point through magazines started the porn habit. I remember in college having a subscription to playboy which my parents let me have since I was paying for it. As high speed internet and mobile were invented and became more wide spread I got increasingly hooked.

    In July of last year (2020), I hit a wall due to a medication overdose (not life threatening) and everything came to a head. I decided, even though I had tried many times to quit, that I was officially done. I told my wife and made it to 90 days. Unfortunately, I slipped back into the habit briefly for about a month (not that it helps ut only 1x/day; nothing like the 4-5 times per day I was doing it pre-July). So on Dec 31, I recommitted myself to 2021 (and beyond) being PMO free.
  2. Today was a good day. Urges to PMO at one point when wife left the house to visit a friend (empty house is a trigger). I did pushups and listened to this a Youtube video with rain and thunder sounds (which oddly helps for some reason I think it distract the brain somehow).
    Rudolf Geyse likes this.
  3. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Great job on the proactive response to urges. Keep it going. I want to join you in a PMO-free 2021. First I have to hit 90 days like you did. Lately I can make it about halfway and then get caught in a cycle of trying to break 2 weeks. Sometimes better just to focus on one day at a time and who I am at my best and go with that.
  4. Dear 18 year old self,

    This is your 48 year old self writing you to give you some friendly advice. First, relax. You have a great life in the next 30 years. You have a wonderful wife and family. You travel the world. You accomplish everything you want to accomplish in your career (albeit not exactly what you are thinking at this moment). You do amazing things; things many people will be in awe of. Now, there are a few things I think you should hear.

    First, don't be so arrogant. There are many things in life that you don't have the handle you think you do. For example, church is not as crazy as it sounds. I know you think church people are crazy and the bible isn't factual. Set that aside for a while and just commit to going for a year or two. Be honest with your unbelief but be open to learning. Keep a journal and make sure you write at least one thing per day your grateful for. Read the bible but don't start at Genesis. Start in the new testament.

    Second, develop some self-confidence. It doesn't matter that you are adopted and feel unloved. Be brave. Be the leader that others won't be. Search for a father figure who will challenge you. In fact, every male in your life who is a positive influence can be a father figure to you. Ask more questions. When you think someone is wrong, ask "in what ways could they be right".

    Third, stop touching yourself. This will take a ton of discipline but better to do this now. This is going to free up a ton of time and energy in the next 30 years. Use this time wisely. Also, when you do start having sex (which is actually pretty soon), don’t think that you need to sleep with every girl you see. You don’t need to wait until your married but you don’t need to sleep around either.

    Fourth, go buy two books right now: How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Greatest Salesman in the World. You eventually read those books and they make a huge difference in your life but you can shave off years of struggle with people if you read those now.

    Sincerely, your older self.
  5. 4 days PMO free. A few urges but pushups and listening to a YouTube video titled "Overcome Any Addiction: Dopamine Receptor Repair & Addiction Healing (sound therapy)" seems to help.
  6. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    welcome, my Brother in Arms. we are all in this together. here to help each other out. pulling for you.
  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

  8. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I think you're on to a great start, but do you have filtering and blocking to help you not look at porn? Do you have alternate activities to fill up the time and give you an idea to do something else when you're tempted?
  9. I don't have anything filtering or blocking. It's something I need to research. Any suggestions?

    In terms of activities, looking at the list in your signature (which is very good), I'm doing many of the same things:
    1. trying as hard as I can to get 8 hours of sleep (mostly able to do this 5 days a week but hard to do all the time since I work some odd hours right now)
    2. I recently started playing Jedi Fallen Order but actually I try to limit time randomly surfing the internet, very limited social media, YouTube limited to Bible only related topics (a 2021 goal) and almost zero TV (too easy for me to be triggered)
    3. I'm already an avid reader but what worked for me best making it to 90 days was reading *********, YourBrainOnPorn, etc. I had gotten away from that in Nov/Dec. Also, I've been working through reading the scrolls 3x/day from the Greatest Salesman book (which definitely helps with getting your head screwed on correctly).
    4. Mediation
    5. Running every day, weights 3x/week (pushups anytime I get an urge).
  10. 5 days PMO free. I tried to reset the counter to say 5 days rather than 4; the habit counter on my phone says 5 days so I'm going with that one.

    Days like today are easy. Someone is always home. Not many triggers. I'm focused. If all days in the journey were this easy....

    Today I'm grateful for the work I do. It's challenging and there is always something to learn.
  11. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I use hosts file blocking and private window disabling and the Reddit Nofap browser extension. I have no experience with the commercial filtering products, maybe someone else can help you with them.
    Aw, thanks. Okay you have a good list and I'm glad you're aware of what triggers you. That was about half the battle for me. I'd like to read the books you recommend, too.
  12. Today I am grateful that I read the following books last year to help me quit PMO: PMO ******** (x2), Your Brain on Porn, Breaking the Cycle, and Breaking Porn Addiction Through Rewiring Your Brain.

    6 days PMO free. Yesterday was a great day. No struggles and (more importantly) no obsessing over the past. Since Sept, I've been doing the monthly scrolls from the Greatest Salesman. This months is "I will live each day as if it's my last". The opening paragraph (below) talks alot about forgetting the past since you can't change it. Tough to remember that when your brain is playing tricks on you.

    I will live this day as if it is my last.

    And what shall I do with this last precious day, which remains in my keeping? First, I will seal up its container of life so that not one drop spills itself upon the sand. I will waste not a moment mourning yesterday’s misfortunes, yesterday’s defeats, yesterday’s aches of the heart, for why should I throw good after bad?

    Can sand flow upward in the hourglass? Will the sun rise where it sets and set where it rises? Can I relive the errors of yesterday and right them? Can I call back yesterday’s wounds and make them whole? Can I become younger than yesterday? Can I take back the evil that was spoken, the blows that were struck, the pain that was caused? No. Yesterday is buried forever and I will think of it no more.
  13. 7 days. Yesterday was a long day. I work internationally so my day starts at 2am and it didn't finish until 4pm. It's great to be so busy. No issues at all.

    Today I'm grateful that the past few days have been nice weather and sunny.
    Gil79 likes this.
  14. Learned something today. Was on a zoom call. Went to go look up one of the participants background on LinkedIn (who happened to be female) and soon found myself google searching her. Quickly realized (within a minute) where it was leading and shut it down. I've been staying off all social media and I've noticed my mood is infinitely better and urges are way down. Whenever I would meet someone new at work, I would start with a quick linkedin search and then a google and social media search. Although I would not have said that it was fantasizing about them, the reality is it was a form of fantasizing. I've been meditating and my awareness of my thoughts is getting better and I'm realizing when I'm fantasizing about someone now and where it's leading. I also realize I can probably never go back to social media (and that probably include linkedin).
    Gil79 likes this.
  15. nuclpow

    nuclpow Well-Known Member

    I see some people here reporting that social media makes things harder for them. I've also heard of many people in general giving up social media to good effect. Myself I don't go on it for privacy and health reasons. I think you're on the right track limiting or blocking social media use.
    Gil79 likes this.
  16. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Linkedin is the only form social media I have been using and I start hating it and want to delete the whole thing. Looking back it was just a way for myself to feel better about myself (showing off) and like you search profiles of of hot women. When I scroll through linkedin now it always makes me feel bad about my career though, just seeing other people showing off with their so-called accomplishments. Oh, look at me, I am so integer, intelligent and modest, but I did this beautiful thing and thanks to blah blah blah. I also totally agree @nuclpow's point on privacy. It is just better not to have your stuff all over the internet.

    I am still using it though cause I really like the job search options there . . . . :confused:
  17. 8 days. No problem yesterday once I realized the linkedin/googlesearch/fantasy thing.

    Today I am grateful for morning coffee.
  18. 10 days PMO free. Thoughts of past college relationship starting up again after I had a dream that I was in school and saw her in the hallway. Also, I've been having thoughts of having sex with random people. I've been trying to distract myself from these memories and thoughts realizing that I don't HAVE to think these thoughts (using mediation techniques). The feelings of loss are less associated when I start thinking about college relationship but they are still there. Need to continue to practice mindfulness.

    Still staying off social media generally but I did go onto Facebook and Twitter today just to check them out. I noticed that I start to feel more anxious when I'm surfing social media and don't feel that way at all when I'm off social media and just reading books or doing work.
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  19. Sometimes my wife suggests things and it takes me a while to believe that her suggestion is a good idea. One suggestion was to listen to podcasts. When I started, I would listen to whatever was on my list in order of most recent. I would quickly get bored and go back to listening to music. Finally I figured out that if I listened to a single podcast that I liked in order from oldest to newest (the way she does it), I would learn more and be more engaged. Right now, I'm listening to 10% Happier. I'm also mediating. Learning more and more about mediation is helping me learn that just because I have a thought, don't mean I have to act on it. I so wish I learned this stuff in my youth. It really is life changing.
    nuclpow likes this.
  20. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    I can relate to this. Fighting this addiction in earnest over the last year I've picked up on so many helpful pointers and techniques that I wish I had started in my twenties, rather than going into my forties... But... I can't despise the path I've been on 'cos it was the only way I could learn what I've learned and do better from here on out.

    Keep up your good streak

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