Changing my ways

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by BaldrRising, Dec 1, 2021.

  1. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    I've been a member of this forum since 2012. Failed repeatedly. Then last month, I took the No Nut November challenge and succeeded. Prior to that, I couldn't go beyond 13 days without fapping. Just because I survived a month without a relapse, doesn't mean I'm cured. I've made a lot of progress moving forward towards my goals. I still have a long way to go to reverse the fucked up effects porn had on my brain.

    I got exposed to pornography at a very early age. My obsession with sex got worse as I grew older with the tube like sites.

    Right now, I need to take things one day at a time. And whatever impulses I have, work through them by keeping myself busy.
     
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  2. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Welcome and congrats on one month without this shit.
    We are all in this together, in the proccess often finding out that PMO was just the symptome of underlaying issues that more and more come to the surface of our consciousness the longer we stay away from PMO.
    All the best for your journey.
     
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  3. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Thank you so much for your support. You're right about PMO being symptoms of underlying issues.
     
  4. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    I need to develop deep and meaningful relationships.
     
  5. badger

    badger Well-Known Member

    congrats on your 30 days. that is a huge milestone. one day without porn is a miracle, for me. i'm not addicted, i'm using porn to run away from my pain.
     
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  6. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Thanks badger.

    Porn or not, at some point you're going to have to come face to face with your pain. And when you do, accept that you can't reverse what caused your pain in the first place. Next is to create new happy memories. It can be easy like saying hi to a the cashier, to getting a job promotion. Find opportunities where you can be a leader, where people look up to you.
     
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  7. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Relapsed.

    At this point, I really don't care. Most of my attention has been focused on my personal and career goals. I finished what I had to do in those areas for the week.

    I'm sure that a lot of you here who have gone 100, 200, 300+ days are successful in all areas in life. It's never been my intention to have a counter that says 500 days no PMO. What I want is to get rich, recognition in the workplace, and lose a shit ton of weight.

    I'm aware there will come a point when urges are strong again, and compulsive behavior takes over if I'm not careful. The mind and body prefers to take the path of least resistance. Let's see. Do I want to get out of bed, read, workout, do projects on my own that'll get me the skills to be promoted, or jack off? Of course the mind prefers the latter because it is the easier thing to do.

    I am serious about achieving my personal and career goals.
     
  8. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Love the fact you've set goals and are serious about them. One observation I had is that they mainly seem to be external things (e.g. money, recognition, weight loss). Is there also something you could consider in terms of spirituality/emotional/mental well-being?
     
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  9. realness

    realness Well-Known Member

    Welcome! Glad to see you here. There's some great people who have already commented and I want to echo their support. You have some good goals and awareness of what you want to change or accomplish (gain/improve relationships ,advance your career, lost weight, break the cycle of PMO). You've come here to involve others when it comes to PMO which is awesome. I think there are more opportunities for you to involve others in what you want to accomplish and gain community. So you're not stuck with the huge burden of trying to to these things by yourself.
     
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  10. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Thank you for your reply.

    To answer your question:

    Spirituality: I'm not religious, but I do believe we all have a connection to God. If I were to make it a goal, it'd be something like reading The Bible every day. But for something spiritual, close your eyes, and let God into your life. Sometimes you'll feel something, other times you won't.

    Emotional/mental well being: If you're talking about happiness, it's over rated. You can find a lot more satisfaction by breaking down your goals in smaller chunks and achieving them. You can be living in poverty, have your home foreclosed, and not sure if you can even eat and still be happy. Problem is you're using happiness and inner peace to numb you from reality.

    Having spiritual and mental well being goals are noble. I may not be ready for them.
     
  11. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Thank you realness. I do want to help others in this community and will share whatever I can. I'm not perfect. I have flaws. And at times I am a lost cause when it comes to help. But everyone has something to offer because of experience and what we're suffering.

    My mistake from the start was thinking that if I get over the PMO addiction, life will begin to flourish and all the things I want will manifest: like a big house with a huge lawn, a family, a georgous wife, a hero in the community for something I did, you get the idea. Problem with that thinking is everytime I relapse, those goals and dreams seem to be pushed farther away. And the further away they're pushed, the more they fade from my conscious and basically my life resorts to PMOing daily for 6 to 8 hours.

    So I'm shifting my conscious to working towards my goals.
     
  12. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Hi BaldrRising, someone posted a video from this guy Mark Queppet a few weeks ago, on his channel I found a few gems like this one, which helped me to stay on track and structure my day.
    All the best.

    The Secret to Getting Ahead in Life - YouTube
     
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  13. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Thanks Libertad. I remember Mark Queppet from years ago. He has some really good content. I'll take a look. Thanks again for the recommendation.
     
  14. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Today was chest day. As part of my workout, I did 100 pushups. 70 of them was with resistance. I've been working out with resistance bands and find them as a great alternative to going the gym. I use both the tube style and loop style bands. I won't say what brand I use, but there are plenty you can find online.

    For the pushups, I use the loop side bands.

    30 warmup pushups: No band
    25 pushups: lightest band
    20 pushups: light band
    15 pushups: medium band
    10 pushups: heavy band

    Total: 100 pushups

    As the resistance got heavier, I focused on slowing down on the eccentric phase to make the pushups tougher.

    I did some other chest exercises I got from the Fit Gent YouTube Channel.
     
  15. BaldrRising

    BaldrRising Member

    Relapsed.

    I finished doing the things I had to today, but relapsing to PMO just delayed completing my tasks to the end of the day. I prefer having everything done in the afternoon so I can spend the rest of the day doing some light reading and catch up on my podcast.

    The catalyst was a change in my schedule. Tuesdays and Thursdays are my ab workout mornings. Due to the shit times we're living, having a 6 pack isn't a priority. So I replaced ab workouts with sets of sprints. But I can't do sprints in the mornings because school is in session. So I wait in the afternoon. So my mornings are free and I fall in a PMO trap. I could do Yoga in the morning.
     
  16. positivef

    positivef Active Member

    Did you relapse in the morning then? We have to be careful with unscheduled down time. Anyway, it sounds like it was just a single instance and your back on the horse. Keep going.
     
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