'Castle Black' - CLOSED FOREVER. [GROUP - Abandoned]

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

Hey Cali, funny I just logged on here to update my spreadsheet.... good luck on the new streak and with the girlfriend!

Times are up and down here, as ever. I won't bore anybody with the details.

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

My job is 100% stress and it's caused me to relapse quite a bit. I need to take some shrooms and ponder what my next step in life should be. I firmly believe that the best way to change one's life is to drop ones security. People will say that's not the smartest thing to do, however... one's feet aren't as swift when nothing is chasing them. I've quit my job before and found this one, and I'm thinking perhaps it's time to do it again. I've saved a small nest egg and I have the skills to go back if I ever need to.

My ideal plan is to purchase a little trailer or some sort somewhere by a lake. Pursue a writing career (while thinking of something else more realistic to make cash on the side to keep up with bills) and spend my days outdoors fishing, kayaking, jogging, etc. and see how it goes for about a year. Because getting paid hourly, much lower than the industry standard, and stressing out only to come home on the weekends and play video games until it repeats itself isn't what I want to be doing for much longer. A change of lifestyle is much needed.

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

If I understand you correctly, I absolutely agree. 2014 has so far been a year where I've focused on stepping out of my comfort zone, doing things that I would normally never even consider. My greatest moment, if I can call it that, was when I took a trip by myself to London.

I'm very, almost extremely, comfortable in my own home. I'm one of those people who'd rather stay home than go out with mates or especially going to parties or gatherings where there's a lot of people around. Heck, I'm even uncomfortable taking the missus to the cinema! But when my favorite team in England (I'm not british myself, nor do I live in the UK), Brentford FC, clinched the promotion from League 1 to the Championship I really wanted to travel to London and attend the last home game of the season and take part in the celebrations. Only problem was, I never saw a scenario where I would actually convince myself to do such a thing, traveling all alone to a huge city and be with literally thousands of people. This was more than attending a small party for a few hours! I'm not sure what possessed me or got me to actually book the trip (I think having all three booking sites - match ticket, plane and hotel - up at once and going from one to the other clicking 'confirm' on all three in the space of about two minutes helped), but I did, I went, met some great people, had a fantastic time and no regrets.

The thing is; if you never step out of your comfort zone, if you never take risks, you'll never grow and you're going to miss out on a lot of things. It's not a shocking revelation, but we're all actually going to die someday. We don't get second chances. We either give it all we got chasing that dream or we waste it. And when you're 70 and retired and you look back on your life, what do you want to remember? I'm not necessarily saying you should quit your job or make huge drastic changes right away. I think it starts with today.

We have something in common; we both want to have a writing career. What are you doing about that today? I know I'm not going to be a published author in the next few years, maybe even never. But it's a dream I have so I'm doing whatever I can to chase that dream - today. Some famous tennis player (can't remember his name right now) said that one of his goals was to always go to bed being proud of what he achieved that day. I think that's a great mentality. Did I spend three hours playing video games or did I spend three hours writing? Did I watch TV for an hour or did I go for a jog? Did I waste two hours on porn or did I take another step towards my dream? Personally I've cut down on video games and instead I took an advice from Stephen King about writing 2,000 words every single day, which is hard, but I'm getting there. It may not turn into a best selling novel, but at least it's great practice. Some people say you have to spend 10,000 hours on something to become really good at it. I've started on those hours

In other news... Sorry I've been away for so long. Hopefully I'll check this thread more often from now on. I want to be supportive and I know I need the support. I'm doing pretty good at the moment though

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

Thanks for that post, I fucking needed that. The ending part especially.

The bolded really hits close to home. Hand over hand, foot over foot, one day at a time. Goals are met by lots of completed small goals. I have experience with this when it comes to working out. I'd calculate all the weight I should do for the week and hit it hard- I became a beast. Then I fell back into the lazy life and all the hard work I put in to gain a good amount of strength has dwindled. I couldn't run 2 laps around the track yesterday without gassing... truly pathetic and a low point in my health ( I'm not fat or anything, and am quite muscular still). It's time to climb back on the horse and learn to ride again- for all things. Exercise, no PMO, and WRITING. I need to get back into it without 'saying I want to' because saying is much different than doing. I have a friend who 'says' he's always going to do something, and all those days of doing nothing makes him nothing. So if I spent my days writing, exercising, and abstaining from PMO... I'll be a beast. I've done them all--- I can do it again, this time I can take it to the next level.

Also, I just got on the horse of noPMO again and am on DAY-9 as of 16mins ago. I'll know I'm serious about no PMO once I hit day 45 so I won't dwell too much on it. I need to be dwelling on writing and exercise!

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

I've been slacking hard lately so I decided to just have one more and try to move and beat my streak of 120 which will be very possible since I have a girl this time around. I also did get fapped twice by her too so I can't fail nowww

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

120 days! Fuck yea, my best was like 86 or some shit. You blew that out of the water. I'm on day 8 and shit... the struggle is real. I browsed craigslist thinking of finding a hookup and realized there's just a bunch of fake pr0n pics on there that make you want to fap. So I realized I was novelty seeking and exited right away.

One day at a time.

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

I just had a really tough couple of days, but got through it stronger and wanted to share as an encouragement. (Sorry in advance for such a long post...)

Not sure I've mentioned this before here (maybe just in my journal) but a while back I found one of my major triggers and it seemed so hidden and innocent that I had never seen it before. As most guys do (as far as I know) if a beautiful girl walks by it's very easy for my eyes to be drawn to her body, more than her face. They walk around in tight clothes and are nice to look at. But I discovered that this was actually a major trigger for me. Looking at beautiful, fit girls bodies triggered both fantasies and that part of my brain that wants to see more. Where I worked up until recently I worked with 4-5 girls that fits into that category (one of them is actually a part-time model as well...) and sometimes I would see a couple more on my way home. It triggered that 'hunting' part of my brain that wanted me to continue to look at beautiful girls in tight clothes when I got home, 'innocent' at first, but that would soon lead me down the path to relapse. Also, it would often make me think less of my wife...

When I finally realized that this 'innocent' look at other women was a major trigger, I decided that the only woman's body I would look at was my wife's, and no one else's. Basically I would look at a girls face and nothing else, meaning if I was behind a girl I would look in any other direction just not at her... well, bottom. This was extremely hard at first, but I kept disciplining (if that's a word) my mind and my eyes and after awhile it would be almost automatic. Sure, there were times that my eyes would 'slip', but I would catch myself and look away and get my focus back. I'm not saying this is for everyone, but it really helped me to not be one of those guys who stare at a woman's body instead of looking her in her eyes (which I find a bit disrespectful towards the woman in question and her boyfriend/husband if she has one), and it gave me a much bigger appreciation of my wife's body as well (I'm ashamed to say that I would sometimes compare my wife to other women which could also trigger fantasies about other women or for my wife's body to look different). More importantly it removed a major trigger.

Anyway, discovering this trigger and taking steps to eliminating it has helped tremendously I think, and I also recognize the danger signs when I let down my guard, especially when I face urges and I don't have the focus or energy to stop myself. And that's what happened earlier this week.

It was day 48 and I was letting my guard down. I was just tired as staying disciplined can be hard (I'm only a man...). Immediately I turned more annoyed, especially towards my wife, and was constantly in a bad mood (anything related to P usually has that effect on me). Allowing myself to look at women's bodies again soon increased the urges and I started looking for TV shows that I knew or suspected contained nudity. For example a Louis Theroux documentary where he checks out the porn industry (to fellow strugglers, don't watch it...) Pathetic, I know, but my brain kept telling me that 'hey, it's only a documentary, and you like Louis Theroux. Maybe it'll turn you off porn!'. I was making excuses for looking for nudity. At first I kept my discipline, looking away every time there was some nudity shown, but I think that was mainly because I hadn't seen any nudity in 48 days and it was more like a shock to my system I think. But about halfway into it I was looking, and after the documentary I went looking for more shows containing nudity. I got this wonderful sensation in my body I always get when I'm close to a relapse and the urges were so incredibly hard to resist. I was hunting, but luckily I didn't find much and finally I was able to snap out of it. I shut off my computer and went to bed.

The urges to hunt for more nudity didn't go away though, and the next day I again started 'hunting' and it was a three hour battle where I wanted to find some nudity, although I still didn't look for porn. It was like there still was some part of me that wouldn't allow me to go straight to the 'good' stuff. Again, I snapped out of it and after a two day struggle, the urges finally cooled down and I haven't had those urges since. I'm not looking for nudity and have gone back to TV shows that I enjoy (and contain no nudity). I'm disciplined again, my wife gets all my attention and my good mood is back

So, this is the encouragement: You know all those urges you have to look at porn, sometimes unbearable like every fiber in your body is screaming for some kind of satisfaction?

It passes.

Sometimes it takes a few hours, sometimes a few days. But it passes! I was close to a relapse this time, but I still count this as a victory, a victory after a two day battle. More battles are coming, I know, but this victory gives me a lot of confidence for the battles ahead.

Stay strong!

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

I am new to this site and lucky I found it. I have been into porn a lot since the Internet came about. I had JO for many years although I was married and had a willing partner. But kids jobs etc,mad sex a once or twice a week thing. Many years ago when my second kid was being born I had some porn mags in the basement. My wife found them and it upset her,especially since she was pregnant at the time. A few years before she passed away,she somehow looked on our computers history and saw I was looking at a site called Exploited Moms, that for sure didn't go over well.
I am now in a new relationship with a willing partner. Sex is great although a times I have had a slight ED problem.I could get hard but would loose it when trying to penetrate. I went to a dr and had some sublingual Viagra prescribed.I also an injectable product, it worked but sort of numbs you and makes it almost impossible to cum.
I have come to the realization that I masturbate way to much for a guy my age. It wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't trying to satisfy my lady. I know things change as we age,I used to get turned on watching things on TV in the sixties and for sure there was nothing hot on TV. I do remember going to see an 007 movie when I was 16 and having to go to the theater restroom to masturbate. Now things on TV or porn pictures don't affect me. I need to watch video. For a short time I looked at webcam girls and masturbated while sending remarks on the chat.
I know I can stop this once I put my mind to it,as my main concern not having to rely on drugs.
The funny thing is the dr never once asked about masturbation frequency. But after finding this site. I am sure quitting porn will solve the problem



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Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

I am new to this site and lucky I found it. I have been into porn a lot since the Internet came about. I had JO for many years although I was married and had a willing partner. But kids jobs etc,mad sex a once or twice a week thing. Many years ago when my second kid was being born I had some porn mags in the basement. My wife found them and it upset her,especially since she was pregnant at the time. A few years before she passed away,she somehow looked on our computers history and saw I was looking at a site called Exploited Moms, that for sure didn't go over well.
I am now in a new relationship with a willing partner. Sex is great although a times I have had a slight ED problem.I could get hard but would loose it when trying to penetrate. I went to a dr and had some sublingual Viagra prescribed.I also an injectable product, it worked but sort of numbs you and makes it almost impossible to cum.
I have come to the realization that I masturbate way to much for a guy my age. It wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't trying to satisfy my lady. I know things change as we age,I used to get turned on watching things on TV in the sixties and for sure there was nothing hot on TV. I do remember going to see an 007 movie when I was 16 and having to go to the theater restroom to masturbate. Now things on TV or porn pictures don't affect me. I need to watch video. For a short time I looked at webcam girls and masturbated while sending remarks on the chat.
I know I can stop this once I put my mind to it,as my main concern not having to rely on drugs.
The funny thing is the dr never once asked about masturbation frequency. But after finding this site. I am sure quitting porn will solve the problem



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Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

Had a good 30 day run... relapsed.

Time to travel North of the Wall- for my own good.

 

Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

Though everyone is MIA, I hope you're all doing well in your travels. As I wish to join a more active group, Castle Black is now closed.

 

I understand.

I feel that our group was great whilst it was active. I wish you all well in your recovery and your lives. I would like to thank you for your encouragement and sharing.

I'm out.

A-Ho!

 

Let's keep this group going.

 

I'd be open to any sort of group support.