'Castle Black' - CLOSED FOREVER. [GROUP - Abandoned]

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by NightsWatch, Jun 11, 2013.

  1. JW86

    JW86 New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    I work four days on, four days off in my job.

    This is day 2 of my 4 day weekend. I have a background anxiety about edging or relapsing, but am managing not to edge, peek or anything at all. For that I'm grateful.

    I am experiencing some pretty raw emotions and perceptions at the moment. My relationship is cooling off, as I keep saying. I see friends around me marrying and living their lives to the full. I think of ex's and how none of them have been so close to me as this woman, whom I have been with for almost four years. I feel sad thinking of her. She is away. Part of me wants her back, not wanting to throw away all the shared experience. Part of me, in her absence, thinks of sex and intimacy with other women.

    I am noticing some self-esteem style perceptions - others are getting on with their life, why would people respect me as I am not? Part of this is self-respect, I think. I am spending my time in pretty non-productive ways at the moment. Instead of getting back to the gym, taking interesting classes, etc., I am at home, playing computer games. I seem to be divorcing away from my real life to some extent and withdrawing into a fantasy world.

    I still go out and see friends, don't get me wrong, I'm not a total recluse or social cripple. I'm just aware that time is passing, youth is temporary and what we do today can affect the future in ways as-yet-unknown.

    Just journalling my thoughts at this stage. This too shall pass.
     
  2. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    We're all right there with you man. Sometimes it feels we're stuck while time passes us by. There's also a catch22 on the other side most people aren't aware of yet it stares them in the face. Many people are getting 'married' to FEEL as if they keep moving forward. Just heard about a guy whose ex-gf is getting married to some guy she caught cheating twice... now get this... he has ED issues. BOOM. This guy has a serious case of porn addiction. I didn't say anything though. This woman was willing to get married to a cheater who has ED issues... why? I'm almost sure it's to act as if she's on board the ride just like everyone else. Women, especially, feel they have to get married before 30 or else society views them as a shrew. Once you're successful are you going to go after a lady in her 30s or an attractive mid 20s girl looking to get hitched? Us men are a double-edged sword. If we don't have the money and success we usually don't find women, but society doesn't put a time limit on us.

    Things I need to do but 'resistance' (Reference from the book The War of Art) is really kicking my ass. I'm on my second read through and I can feel resistance slowly breaking down within me. These things that I need to do are clearly exercising much more, eating much healthier, finding a full-time job, writing for 4 hours a day, throw in some reading and studying music or something. That's it. Perhaps I should get a day planner. Instead I fill my days with internet searches, hanging out with friends when I can, and getting almost absolutely nothing done. Hard reality to admit, but until you realize your problems only then can you make the change.
     
  3. sak1234

    sak1234 Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    I totally get that. I went out with my roommate to meet up with another friend who needed consoling. She is seeing this guy who lives on the other side of the country, but they are two fundamentally different people and the thing is, she fully realizes and yet can't help herself. Women and, I'm sure a lot of men, tend to become so emotionally invested with people they love or think they love that it's hard to let go. Even logic and rationalizing a situation wouldn't overcome that.

    On the flip side, I just want to add that I will be leaving the forum in the next week or so. The ED is gone and I am looking to move on. Thank all of y'all for the support! Stay strong, get out there and socialize, and beat this thing!
     
  4. rohan

    rohan Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    I'm really sad, that you leave forum us, but I can fully understand that. At some point, you have to leave this all behind. At the moment, I try to get some distance from the forum, because of all the negativity, but visiting the forum is somehow an addiction to me, because I hope also to read some encouraging posts.

    I'm really happy you beat this and got your erectyle health back, so your life is a bit brighter again. :) I will miss your encouraging posts. I wish you the best luck and much success in everything you do, mate. :)
     
  5. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Good luck Sak. I hope you don't return back to PMO but I hope you stop by in here to document and show others about seeing the light at the other end of the tunnel.
     
  6. JW86

    JW86 New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Sak - thank you for all of your help and advice regarding sulbutiamine and rebooting. Been a pleasure to have you here and your presence has been appreciated.

    All the best in all you do.

    Go well, brother!

    And now his watch has ended.
     
  7. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Porn is easy to abstain from. Fapping... not so much.

    URGES. FUCK.

    Monday I start a new job, full-time. Time to get thrown into the rat-race to make more money. I should follow a weekly schedule with exercise, work, and my writing. It's time to be productive and leave the juvenile life I have lived. No regrets though, I did enjoy it.
     
  8. Califree209

    Califree209 Reaching for my goal.

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Enjoying life man, i'm finally over this girl that i had a little crush on and damn am i happy af!! I also find fapping a little harder to stay away from but i just made a rule to not touch my d*ck and it seems to be working and also when i get start to get horny i think more of wanting to f*ck a girl instead of fapping.
     
  9. rohan

    rohan Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Had a massive wet dream after 45 days tonight. My whole crotch area was soaked. lol

    Hope it doesn't throw me back.

    I get easily erections around women now. I'm also really horny around them. When I see a attractive woman, my heart starts to beat faster and my whole crotch area becomes warm. I'm thinking, that this are really positve signs.
     
  10. JW86

    JW86 New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Rohan those sound like positive signs.

    I did just MO. I have just finished working a series of four 12-hour shifts. My last two shifts were night-shifts. I finished at 6am, got home around 6.30am and went straight to bed. However for some reason - I could not sleep! Talk about stressful when I have to get up at 12pm to force myself back into a diurnal rhythm. I got really horny, and used all my willpower to not wank, but eventually gave in - it was all nipple touch I barely touched my junk at all, but busted out anyway.

    Managed to sleep, had a quick MO just now as well.

    So that was 21 days without even touching my penis.

    Two MO's.

    Now need to get back on board. I hate this feeling of letting myself down, but sometimes I think I'm tapering off from this masturbation addiction. It's wired into the brain and I do apply effort to not masturbate, and as a result, masturbate far less than I used to. It's still two months until my birthday, let's see if I can go that duration without any more M.
     
  11. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Glad to see we are all heading down the right path. It's 5:57am and I have work at 7am. Full time job... sort of puts masturbation in the back seat.

    I had a wet dream last night but couldn't sleep through a whole 7 hours. Woke up in the middle of it. My boss already noticed I get tired easily. Haven't had a full time job in ages.

    Perhaps curing a problem such as P and MO is to conquer another tedious problem lol. Good luck everyone.
     
  12. rohan

    rohan Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Had another wet dream last night....Crazy. Hope thats it for a while.
     
  13. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    I've been having wet dreams too. I better change my sheets lol.

    Stay strong everyone. Look at the bigger picture. Here I am at 6:23AM and have to go in to work at 7am. Never thought I'd be doing this. It turns out a desk job might not be for me, but I need the money and the time to give myself to see if I get into the groove of things. Good luck everyone.
     
  14. rohan

    rohan Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    I wish you the best, mate. :) I'm sure you will be good at your job!
     
  15. darkwolf

    darkwolf New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Said it before but even if I couldn't anticipate the after effects I'm jealous of all you wet dream havers. I'm just a bundle of frustration punctuated with occasional bouts of strength and much doubt. So I guess I am a Black Brother. :D
     
  16. JW86

    JW86 New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Darkwolf, where are you/how are you feeling now in regards to finding a woman in your life?

    Wishing you happiness.

    J
     
  17. darkwolf

    darkwolf New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Thanks J. I'm only focused on big things other than women at the moment. Going through a process of moving my living space to somewhere better. And I have the complex beast known as work. If anything meaningful happened either intentionally or accidentally with the fairer sex I'd be surprised for a while.
     
  18. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Opportunity over entitlement. Savings over Spending. Optimism over Cynicism. Momentum over Stagnancy.

    Just saw a video on 'wealth inequality' here in America. Then I realized that on those listed above, almost everyone is the latter of the two. I'm trying to apply the first of each to my life. I'm here to get into the 1%. Think like a boss. Become a boss.
     
  19. JW86

    JW86 New Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Could not sleep last night. Ended up M'ing.. again.. and blocking ejaculation with finger on perinium. Lowers the rush and feel less exhausted afterwards.

    Feelings at the moment - hopeless, panicky.

    Been here nearly a year.

    Will have to post back when more 'up', feeling pretty 'down' at the moment, tomorrow would have been? 4 years anniversary with lady. I feel sad about that.

    Best wishes to all.
     
  20. NightsWatch

    NightsWatch Member

    Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP]

    Keep going JW. As long as you're abstaining from PMO then you're still on the right track. I get urges like hell to MO and it has driven me crazy before.
     

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