Re: We are the Night's Watch. Welcome to 'Castle Black' [GROUP] I work four days on, four days off in my job. This is day 2 of my 4 day weekend. I have a background anxiety about edging or relapsing, but am managing not to edge, peek or anything at all. For that I'm grateful. I am experiencing some pretty raw emotions and perceptions at the moment. My relationship is cooling off, as I keep saying. I see friends around me marrying and living their lives to the full. I think of ex's and how none of them have been so close to me as this woman, whom I have been with for almost four years. I feel sad thinking of her. She is away. Part of me wants her back, not wanting to throw away all the shared experience. Part of me, in her absence, thinks of sex and intimacy with other women. I am noticing some self-esteem style perceptions - others are getting on with their life, why would people respect me as I am not? Part of this is self-respect, I think. I am spending my time in pretty non-productive ways at the moment. Instead of getting back to the gym, taking interesting classes, etc., I am at home, playing computer games. I seem to be divorcing away from my real life to some extent and withdrawing into a fantasy world. I still go out and see friends, don't get me wrong, I'm not a total recluse or social cripple. I'm just aware that time is passing, youth is temporary and what we do today can affect the future in ways as-yet-unknown. Just journalling my thoughts at this stage. This too shall pass.