Casco's journal (28 years)

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by casco, Mar 14, 2012.

  1. casco

    casco New Member

    I'm 28 now. I think i have been masturbating since 12yo. Got internet at about age 14 and started looking at porn almost daily. At age 22 when in the army i had several one and 2 week periods of no pmo but immeadetly when i got back at home i pmo'd. Then again pretty much daily until age 27. I even had a girlfriend for 5 years and she was my only sexual partner. She was hot but i left her because i didn't feel satisfied with her. I didn't know it was because of porn.

    After leaving my girlfriend i was about 1,5 years without any sexual partner, even though i am a good looking guy and i went out almost every weekend. Girls would occasionally approach me but somehow they new there was something wrong with me. Then I decided to reduce my pmo. After that i changed as a person. People started asking "what happened to you" and comments like "you have so much more self confidence". I started getting a LOT of attention from girls and with my improved self confidence i had more and more sexual partners. At one point this winter it was at a rate of almost 1 new girl per week. But i was still pmo'ing about 1-2 times a week and i had ED. Then i found YBOP and instantly knew porn was the reason for my ED. Now i have decided to completely stop porn and masturbating. Now i have been 11 days of no masturbation but slipped to porn 4 days ago but didn't MO.

    Also i've decided to leave the one night stands and find my self a girlfriend.

    I've been feeling the flatline for a few days now. A bit depressed. My mood has been changing a lot lately. Sometimes i feel very good but most of the time a bit depressed. Hope it will get better.
     
  2. casco

    casco New Member

    17 days of no M or O

    3 days of no P (almost relapsed)

    Here's how it's been after quitting P:

    day 1/15
    felt almost ok. mild depression, mood swings, insomnia

    day 2/16
    some morning wood. absolutely horrible feeling of depression, loneliness, anxiety. No desire to watch P.

    day 3/17
    some morning wood. a bit of depression in the morning. later that day it got better, only very mild depression. No desire to watch P.
     
  3. spinergy

    spinergy New Member

    Good work, casco. On the P relapse, you should feel good about the fact that you didn't reward your brain with MO.
     
  4. casco

    casco New Member

    Yeah. Though i felt really depressed after watching P. But would have felt a lot worse with MO.
     
  5. casco

    casco New Member

    day 4/18

    Morning wood again. Had a sexual dream but no wet dream. I never really had any sexual dreams during PMO times.
    Today there has been no depression. Felt an urge to look at some softcore photos.

    day 5/19

    Felt quite horny in the morning. Felt like i wanted sex, not so much need to look at porn. My mood has been very stable the whole day. No depression. I'm waiting for the weekend so i can meet some girls at the nightclubs. When walking downtown I have noticed some really hot girls out there these couple of days. Somehow my "sight" gets better with no pmo.
     
  6. casco

    casco New Member

    day 6/20

    No morning wood. Depression is gone. Mood is still very stable. Some desire to watch softcore.

    day 7/21

    All same as yesterday. I watched some photos of nude models but i didn't really get very turned on by it. Didn't watch porn. Maybe i'm having a flatline.

    day 8/22
    I feel a bit depressed, i was drinking yesterday. Went to a nightclub but i didn't feel attracted to the girls. Libido is down. Hope it gets better until next weekend.
     
  7. casco

    casco New Member

    day 9/23

    Still no morning wood. Some depression in the morning. Felt better as the day progressed. At evening i felt pretty stable. Starting to get cravings to watch softcore.

    day 10/24

    Now i had morning wood. Feeling pretty horny. Also quite a bit of desire to MB . Watched some nude images but didn't MO. It's getting really hard not to M.

    day 11/25

    Morning wood. I'm feeling very horny, this is getting quite difficult. Mood is pretty ok, i don't feel depressed. I saw some nice looking girls outside and i really get the feeling i want to fuck them.
     

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