Caoimhín's Way

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Caoimhín, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Does everyone see my PMO counter but me? I only see a booze counter.

    Besides keeping busy, I am also implementing some of the best aspects about freeing my life up from mind-numbing, time wasting, soul-destroying activities by keeping up the exercise, being fairly regular with meditation, and restarted my fiddle lessons. I am trying to restore my ability to be with people and, more importantly, to want to be with people. PMO, plus the under-lying root cause of it, destroyed my social being. People became too hard and therefore shunned. It is not enough to force myself to do social things, I have to also retrain my brain to see/feel pleasure with socialisation.
     
  2. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    I see your PMO counter.
     
  3. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Awesome!

    I see your freedom counter.
     
  4. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Hi Caoimhín,

    I see all your counters! Congrats on your progress on all levels. Alcohol, that is something I never had to deal with, living with my single dad who was a binge alcoholic did it for me... I rarely have a drink, and might never again! Have not been drunk since I was twenty something. So good for you sir! Big respect.
     
  5. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Went to see the Desolation of Smaug tonight. It is one of the worst films that I have ever seen in my life. This is a strange reaction because it is unusual for me to actually dislike a movie and I can usually find something that I liked. This movie just plain sucked. Pathetic destruction of the story, predictible special effects, animation, and over-abundant cliff-hangers. I went out of respect to The Hobbit, a book I love, but I don't think that I can stand the 3rd movie.

    I also went because, in the past, I spent so much time alone obsession on PMO and other isolating pass times. Social situations do not allow me to endulge in this behaviour. And it is self-indulgent behaviour. It is something I do so that I don't have to try, don't have to care.

    Making a decision to live means that I have to open myself up to pain, to life, to struggle but perhaps I can also admit joy back into my life because that seems to have disappeared as well.
     
  6. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Just watched this video on Flesh and Bones Journal

    It reflects what I was thinking above.
     
  7. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    I just read your post on LTE's journal regarding patience and being thankful. That is a real key to our "success" at anything here on Earth , isn't it? You brought up some good food for thought.

    I know men who I consider successful in business and quite wealthy but they are often impatient , rude and short tempered with those around them. I think they lack wisdom, patience and gratitude. What does that leave ... entitlement?

    Great thoughts.
     
  8. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Hey! I can see my PMO counter again!! Thank the gods!!!

    Fcjl8, one of the things that really resonated with what LTE wrote was the implication that we can be happy with what we have if we learn that our present state is not that bad after all. But instead, we are taught to always want more and are left feeling empty. As men, what do we have as models in this world: business success, progress, increase, money, speed, power, agressivity = the successful man.

    What would happen if I never met a man who was patient and grateful about life?

    I successfully negotiated my way out of a trip to the liquour commission by thinking about how much better I will feel after meditating, reading, going to sleep early tonight, and being in prime form for exercise tomorrow. I am drinking a big glass of water right now.

    The trigger had to do with facing certain objects relating to difficult family members/memories. The objects are now out of my house, a proverbial cleansing of house and mind. Many more to go though.

    Tomorrow, I reach my first target: 90 days.

    There are still moments (triggers) where my first thought is of a memory from P or a recognition of a place/circumstance as ideal for MO. I feel that as time goes by and I walk through these places, new mental images are replacing the PMO ones. It is a huge wall full of boxes like at the post office where one by one the messages are being changed. Perhaps some will never be changed but the majority will.
     
  9. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Congratulations on 90 days, Kevin. I salute you on the no drinking experiment, as well. I quit drinking (serious binge drinker) six years ago, and I sure don't miss it. Binge drinking is for young people a lot stronger than me.
     
  10. chicken

    chicken Guest

    Congratulations on the big 90. I have been reading your journal and find it very insightful. Thank you for sharing this, it helps me.
     
  11. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    The irony about PMO versus alcohol, seeing as they are both my ways to escape and tune out from the world, is that I think that PMO is the worst of the two. I knew nothing about PMO's true identity until I stumbled upon this community and watched my first videos on youtube. I actually heard a podcast talking about porn addiction a bit earlier too. PMO is subtle. Booze is in your face, the obvious bad guy, the movie actor with the accent and dark moustache.

    During the process of ridding my life of P + M, I am building the strength to face down why I am drinking. I admit though that this is not even a secret withheld from my own thought process. It was glaring at me: I can't deal with my life. I don't want to either, therefore I will obliterate my mind. I think to see through to the other side, I needed to have some hope that there was a better life possible for me. This is what I have found here on the Forum and in writing my Journal. Thanks to the many who are spilling their blood and guts out.

    I know that the physiological effects of booze are different than PMO but I still think it is the worse of the two. The parallels between the two just underline the real cause. They are the symptoms. The cause: ? That will be the nut to crack, eh?
     
  12. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Caoimhín,

    I really want to wish you all the best in your battle against alcohol. I am happy to read that you are managing it!

    I witnessed alcoholism first hand growing up with my dad and have been pretty much a non drinker ever since. I thought I had escaped booze/drug addiction... only to find that I sought high adrenalin sports and the resultant rush for my highs and then PMO for a lower type of fix... alas I had become a different addict.

    The underlying reasons, we have to dig deep? Maybe go where we don't want to and uncover some muck?
     
  13. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    Caoimhin congratulations on reaching your 90 day goal. you have managed this reboot with grace and class. wishing you many more days on the path to freedom.
     
  14. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Congrats on 90.
     
  15. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    I've not been on the forums much lately but just noticed the 90 days in your counter! Congrats! I'm very glad to see you at this stage!
     
  16. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Hi Caoimhín,
    congratulation on reaching 90 days free.
    Wish you the best.
    Libertad
     
  17. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Thanks for all of the encouragement!
     
  18. chicken

    chicken Guest

    You are doing so well! You deserve it.
     
  19. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Great job, congratulations!
     
  20. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Trigger-wise, I am doing very well considering how many plans or schedules have been disrupted over the last month. In the past, the disappointment over a cancelled plan, let down, or the confusion of finding myself with "nothing to do" would have often led me to a MO session. It would have led me to the computer, and it still does, but nothing even remotely tempting.

    Interesting meditation experiement last night: I happened to come across a poem that had been turned into a performance piece by a band. On youtube. I've noted the similarities between the goals of meditation and my inability to concentrated on such things as reading, listening, remembering, etc. So, as I was listening to The Raven, my goal was to listen intently. When other thoughts crept in, I acknowledged them and dismissed them. Maybe this is not meditation but it is a good practice of being present, focus, and trying to experience the now. Or maybe I am better learning with oral knowledge?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQyGWZWqKT8&list=RDJQyGWZWqKT8&feature=share
     

Share This Page