Caoimhín's Way

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Caoimhín, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Just about to head to work after the holidays. I feel like shit. Had a bad nights sleep. Yesterday was dealing with effects of New Years Eve. There is an obvious link to the lack of exercise, amount of drinking, and other bad habits with how mentally bad I am currently feeling. I am actually thinking it is good to get back to work and routine.

    I watched a very interesting and bizarre movie that had 2 scenes that were quite sexual. I was so surprised because this is the first real erotic scenes that I have seen since starting. I thought, ok how should I deal with this: shut it off, turn away, watch? I watched and tried to consciously register the thought that I was watching erotic scenes as opposed to porn. I was not watching to be aroused. In fact I did not really get aroused.

    Over the past couple of days, I did also get surprised by having a flash memory of some of my favourite P scenes. Out of the blue. Again, did not get aroused, as they were brief, but it was a bit upsetting to have that back in my thoughts. I know that it is not reasonable to think that my thoughts will be forever "pure" and it is an absolute certainty that I will run into material of a pornographic nature in the real world. How I react to it is the important thing.
  2. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Good going Caoimhín,

    Glad to read that the movie scenes did not cause any arousal. I had some porn flashback dreams at about the same place you are at now... only a few and they passed quickly. Maybe that is a pretty normal phase?

    But like you said ... how you reacted to it is the important thing... or how you did not react!!!

    Routine can't hurt, I think.
  3. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    This has been a strange day. No PMO urge but I felt deflated and off track. A hard feeling to describe but I think it could be the culmination of the extra emotional stress I generally feel over the holidays, a effect of spending alot more time alone, and the disruption of all my routines (work, sports, social, food), and also the fact that due to a massive blizzard I was snowbound in the house ALL day. So, I ate alot of crap. I was thinking yesterday ironically, how binging on junk food is very similar to watching yourself about to do PMO. You know it is not good for you but you want some way, any way, to feel better, to get rid of this vague feeling of unhappiness/nausea with life. It did not work. I felt gross afterwards. But I remember clearly thinking that this treat might make me feel better - cut and pasted from the journal of every man on this forum.

    What should I have done?

    There was a million things that I could have done but could not be arsed to do anything. How can I bust out of this type of mood when it strikes?

    One answer: Meditation to quiet the discord in my head and to oxygenate my brain?

    What else?
  4. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    Even without PMO we are imperfect. At times I want to binge on carbs. I'm trying to restrict myself to healthful foods but I'm not perfect in my compliance. You are on a positive path away from PMO and it can only help in other things too.
  5. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Hi Caoimhín,
    I started a few weeks ago with very, very, very little steps to eat and drink healthier. What I noticed is, that I´m consistent and have fun doing it, when setting goals that are very easy to achieve.
    For example I like to drink a lot of coffee and at least I drunk one beer a day.
    My main goal with this issue was not to drink less coffee or beer, it was to drink one gallon of water a day. The restriction to not drink coffee or beer would make me feel bad and I havent achieved goals like that in the past. But to concentrate on the good things who are healthy for your body, effortless made me drink less coffee and beer. Drinking one gallon of water a day automatically make you drink less from the other things. Knowing that I could drink coffee or beer when ever I want to, made the resistence do really do it and drink so many water disappear.
    I hope this make sence. I use something simillar for eating now and I lost 5kg during the last weeks without making any kind of sports.
    Only with PMO my goal is 100% not to do it any more, but with drinking and eating I dont want to be the guy who is over restrictive in all of this.
    When I look back over the last 3,5 months, than in reallity I was using the same method with no PMO too. Instead of thinking all the time, I should not watch P, I should not M. I should not watch P and so on, I looked for other things to concentrate on, like writing here on this site, watch good movies and others make sports, (not me :) I dont make sports yet), and I think that was one of the main reasons in conjunction with the support here from other members, witch helped me to achieve the first goal in no PMO for 100 days because whenever the cravings came I tried to watch the clips on the ybop site or was reading or writing on this site. My restrict order for myself when I was at the point to give up and do PMO, was to watch first the whole six clips from the ybop site before doing it and when I watched them it became clear again why I want to quit PMO and I didn´t relapse. I hope I can follow this order for myself for ever. ;)
    It´s hard for me to explain, but the order for myself to never do something again would make me feel bad and not free, but to know I can drink a beer if I want to, but I also drink this amount of water a day too, made it nearly effortless to drink less beer.
  6. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    That is a great post, Libertad.
  7. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    The comments about water are a great reminder, particularly in the winter. Thanks, I have already been upping my intake. This is quite funny, but there is an app for smart phones to remind you to drink water. It became annoying so I got rid of it, but it did work.

    Libertad: Also, there is a fantastic article here:
    Why Sitting Kills. In the winter time, I do spend alot of time sitting at a desk. A strategy to help you move more is to get up frequently to fill your glass with water. And then, as a consequence, you have to get up more frequently to go to the washroom. The secret is to get up from your desk as often as possible during the day.

    Elsewhere, I read other journals with lots of interest, particularly some of the difficult words put out by guys struggling/relapsing. I honestly don't know what is better: "all or nothing" abstinence or "the best I can do". For myself, I've been going down the NONE route. If I am thinking about this in the context of an alcoholic, would the occasional "peek" do harm? If you have a problem, can you just drink socially?

    It is maybe just another version of the counter versus spreadsheet debate? But can an addict ever just "peek" or just have one drink? I'm not judging others. It is the debate going on in my brain. At the moment it is a war on 2 fronts, P and A(lcohol). For P = total abstinence, for A = the best I can do/social. Is this reasonable? Maybe it should be the same approach for both, meaning abstinence because I don't want P (or M) to ever be part of my life again.

    Probably, everyone reacts differently. My mother quit smoking no problem. My father struggled until the end of his days.

    Honestly I feel for you guys dealing with a relapse or simply finding triggers all over the place. I don't really know what to say. I can't figure out how to be supportive.

    Sometimes, I feel almost envious of certain guys here. Despite their issues with PMO, they have wives and children. I caught myself thinking that I would trade a porn-free life for a family. This thought looks just as stupid written out as it felt the moment that I thought it. Classic deal with the devil! So, struggling to figure out where it comes from, all I can think of is that I am amazed that some of the men here have never-the-less been able to function socially at a much fuller degree than I have. No, I do not think they have it easier than me, but maybe I am uncovering this little whispering voice, telling me lies, looking for a soft spot, a way back in. It is my weakest point.
  8. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    For me I made a difference in the approach by looking closely if something is an addiction or a habbit for me.
    In my case alcohol never was an addiction, so I only want to reduce the amount.
    My opinion is, that when you admit to yourself that you are addicted to something than the 100% approach is the best. For example, I know for myself that if I still would M than I would watch P too, because for me the two things are so havily conected, for others it might be different but I dont think so.
    But with all the differences in the view to approach this addiction, for myself I use all what motivates me to go in the direction I want to go and all what demotivates me I try to eliminate.

    About the whispering voice.
    About the whispering voice which I also know very well :mad:, what helped me was not to argue with this voice, not to concentrate on it and asking what does it really want. No. Concentrate on other things what motivates you, if there is nothing at the moment, than write and read here, watch a movie, distract yourself from this voice as soon as possible. If you think about it for to long than it gets stronger and the thought of doing it again becomes sweeter.
    You have reached so many days without PMO. You can do it one more day.
  9. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Many thanks, LTE.
    You just made my day. :)
    You are so unselfish to put so many of your valuable time into this to help others.
    Thanks for that. You truly deserve the Nobel Prize for that, because for sure your effort here is more valuable then what Obama did for the peace of the world.
  10. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Great post Caoimhín, I have read it several times.

    Your choice to go down the NONE route , I think is the way to go. The best I can do route will work for many , I think it requires more patience...

    When I am on the wagon, like now, it is total NONE mentality, but I have appreciated the long periods clean I have had the last few years in contrast to the times of slipping... This is more "best I can do".

    Both are so much better than mindless slavery to PMO.
  11. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    We're all in this fight together.
  12. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Many thanks Libertad, LTE, and fcjl8. Writing through my thoughts is hopefully the way that I will break through this mental fog. I'm not facing down a porn wolf at the door but it is more like a dark wolf in the forest that I can't see but know he is there. (It reminds me of the picture in my grandmother's house, upstairs near the bedrooms and attic, of Red Riding Hood when she meets the wolf. I was very afraid of this as a kid.)

    I know logically that I am making progress but mentally, I feel a bit numb and am digging deeper to find what is wrong. It is frustrating because there is nothing obviously wrong but it feels like I've gone from a sunny to a cloudy day as far as my vision of things.

    I think that I am going to concentrate on basic health and well-being for a while. Besides increasing water, more sleep, more meditation, more exercise. Since mid-December, my main exercise outlets have been f*cked by the holidays. This week should see me get back into the groove.
  13. 40New30

    40New30 Keep going

    Going on the wagon (if you drink too much) is a great way to fight porn/masturbation cravings if you're new to rebooting. I'm on the wagon right now, just because this is what I've done for a few years now, no drinking alcohol for several months in the winter. It just feels right for me so I've continued it.

    I used to be a big drinker (Irish heritage) but my drinking has gone down, down, down to where it's occasional use only, however, I do sometimes over do it.

    When I was younger (20's, early 30's) I was drinking a lot every weekend and thought it was "normal". Well, thankfully, it got old and I never became addicted. I just became addicted to porn instead...ha ha ha. :)
  14. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Any addiction in a storm, eh? :-\
  15. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Frig... you stay away for a couple of days and your counter goes dormant. The counter, she is a strict mistriss.

    Been busy with work, soccer, workout, stuff. Meditated today and it was good. Feeling good that the Christmas bollocks is over and I am back to my life. Next mental hurtles: birthday, anniversaries of parents' passing. In the meantime, I'll just worship the returning Sun and daylight and the passage of PMO-free time.
  16. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Nice work Caoimhín, work, soccer, exercise and meditation all such good use of time compared to PMO.

    The gradual return of more sunlight, yes, this is very strong medicine for me as well.
  17. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Chugging along. A few days from my first significant milestone. Things have been busy in a positive way and for the most part, I have not even been remotely thinking about P. There have been the odd thought about M though: watching movies, seeing things that remind me of favourite P from the past. I was looking for a movie to download and one of the search results was a free P film. I was shocked because it would have been so easy. Not a P site at all. Today, this morning in bed, I did give a few exploratory tugs on the willy and got hard. I had no intention of doing anything, more curious. But a good reminder about what I want to achieve. As LTE says, DON'T TOUCH YOURSELF.
  18. LTE

    LTE Master Of My Domain

    That's my rule.
  19. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Just realised that my PMO counter has disappeared. Not sure how to fix it as I did not change anything. It kind of sucks as I was approaching my milestone on the 19 jan. I guess that I'll have to remember the old-fashioned way.
  20. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Counter's back now and looking really good. Watch out for the touching. That's how it starts...

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