Just about to head to work after the holidays. I feel like shit. Had a bad nights sleep. Yesterday was dealing with effects of New Years Eve. There is an obvious link to the lack of exercise, amount of drinking, and other bad habits with how mentally bad I am currently feeling. I am actually thinking it is good to get back to work and routine. I watched a very interesting and bizarre movie that had 2 scenes that were quite sexual. I was so surprised because this is the first real erotic scenes that I have seen since starting. I thought, ok how should I deal with this: shut it off, turn away, watch? I watched and tried to consciously register the thought that I was watching erotic scenes as opposed to porn. I was not watching to be aroused. In fact I did not really get aroused. Over the past couple of days, I did also get surprised by having a flash memory of some of my favourite P scenes. Out of the blue. Again, did not get aroused, as they were brief, but it was a bit upsetting to have that back in my thoughts. I know that it is not reasonable to think that my thoughts will be forever "pure" and it is an absolute certainty that I will run into material of a pornographic nature in the real world. How I react to it is the important thing.