Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Caoimhín, Nov 11, 2013.
You're so right.
Cum naturally decreases as we age, it's normal. Excessive fapping upsets the balance, too. When I was PMO'ing I hardly had any splooge. It was weird. Sometimes I would have splooge and no O, while other times I would have a small O and little splooge. I've noticed that now I have sex regularly with my wife I have more cum. A woman excites the body to produce many good things.
This is an interesting phenomena. I had the same experience. I used to think it was natural as you get older you have less spooge. When I had other sexual experiences with Heather things seem to change. Piv's, kissing, petting, bj's, anal sex, oral sex all seem to take on a different life. Lots more cum and forceful. Heather once said to me that it was a good thing she was taking pills or she would be pregnant all the time. Why is this ? I think the hormonal system sees and remains virile when it thinks it can impregnate a woman. Somehow it sees pmo as an aberration. How does this happen, well I don't know and I don't think the medical profession does either. All I know is it's a "firehose". As much as when I was young. Yeehaw !
The temptation of a drink after soccer last night was too much. I just had one cider and woke up with a mild headache in the morning. It really does seem as if my body can no longer do alcohol. I really enjoy the taste of cider and other drinks, aside from just trying to get drunk, so I guess it will not really work any more.
I am feeling the fatigue from playing last night. Typically, it hits me a full day afterwards. I have been trying to focus on just simply enjoying the running and not beating myself up for playing poorly or getting frustrated with the other guys. It used to be that sports and exercise were guaranteed to help clear out my head but not lately. I will work at this!
Feeling good about myself and my abilities is a big part of my recovery. Feeling like a loser is why I chose porn instead of women, whiskey instead of dealing with my life, stagnation instead of moving forwards.
Working to solve my "have not mentality" has made me very bitter against people who I see as successful.
The temptation of a drink to overcome anger at self is a useless action imo. Drink, in my case beer did nothing but dull me to so many things in life and simply masked the anger at self but did not get at the root of the problem----- the root you ask ? Dislike of self. You are really coming along dude.
You're definitely getting there!
Comparison shopping is deadly for any mind. The beggar and the corporate CEO all end up the same way. But, perhaps a beggar has more chance at seeing that.
Not much to report. The MO habit still is a bit of an issue with urges being present most days. But I am not fantasising. The goal will be to continue to reduce the frequency.
Not fantasizing is very good. It is the linchpin of pmo. The more you can stay in the present the more you are HERE NOT THERE. Mental fantasy is simply pure pmo of the mind. Good job mo will have less positive effect.
You're dealing, bro'!
The past couple days, I've been trying to practice "Just do it!" My typical pattern is to worry, ruminate, and delay action about difficult decisions. Financial issues are the worst, but also personal relationships, and really dealing with so many things that are not really problems in the real world. In as much as I have lived in fantasy with porn and MO, this is also true in most parts of my life. I have an escape clause.
Or I think that I have an escape clause. In reality, none of the worry goes away. It stays and festers. It causes me to get stuck in the muck. Stagnate. Resort to other means of escape.
What are the escape techniques that I have used in my life:
5. Avoiding intimate relations
6. Shutting down my emotions
7. Cutting off people that I am having problems with
8. Avoiding decision making
9. Junk food
Ha! That is probably enough!
Enough to make me a very lonely and unhappy little boy.
That list is very familiar to me. Another important one is sexual and non-sexual fantasies and ongoing conversations in my head. Sometimes we would just need someone to slap us in the face every now and to bring us back to the present moment.....
Yes, I would add these elements too. As it stands today, most of my sexual life has NOT involved a real woman, so sexual fantasy is (was?) very common. But the fantasy in general is also part of me avoiding difficult things because, instead of dealing with issues in the real world, I project multiple versions of "how things might go". All pure fantasy. A bucket of cold water from time to time would certainly help.
Saville once wrote " just do the small things that seem mundane and commonplace." My thought is we think too much, I agree with him. Just do the small things--- engage the body you will also engage the mind--- you won't be able to not do so. Try it ---- maybe will work !
For me it's just about any decision; I'm a champion procrastinator. Thinking up various scenarios is something I'm guilty of, too. As if I needed even more worry fuel. Being able to do something without questioning everything that could go wrong must be refreshing...
I have been working and succeeding with the "Just Do It!" method as a way of trying to deal with my crippling habit of over-thinking decisions and agonising with difficult issues. I have made some big moves in the past week and, without feeling cheeky, will say that I am happy with what I have accomplished.
But making these decisions and living like this takes some serious energy. I have felt exhausted at times and during these low periods, surprise, surprise, who comes knocking? MO (I am happy to report that I almost never think of the P element, but I know from my fall about 50 days ago, that if I my energy and resilience get too low, that too is a possibility).
I hope that I will go threw the "Step Up" phenomenon, meaning that each level I climb up seems tough, but once I get up there, it becomes eventually the new normal. I acclimatise and then make plans to crawl up to the next level. It all requires energy but it is a steady increase. It is difficult to appreciate the progress because it always feels like a hard slog.
Yes, it does. But, we get stronger and more in shape as we go.
It really is like physical fitness and if you don't show up at the gym or the sports field, your fitness declines. If you don't show up in life, your mental strength declines. I'm not certain when I started hiding from the real world but it was a very, very long time ago.
@Saville thanks for the always pertinent comments on my journal. I appreciate the support and sounding board!
What's going on Caoimhin?
Well, I guess that the best way to sum it up is that I've been keeping a low profile.
On a positive note, I've maintained good momentum on my "Just Do It!" approach. I run a small business on the side of my work and was able to make some serious improvements to its website - a massive overhall really - and that includes making several decisions in a relatively clinical fashion.
But, as I mentioned above, all of the this behaviour leaves me feeling wiped out. Interestingly, if there was an element of stress in the decision (which there usually is), I notice the urge to do a quick release and rub one out... even though I know it won't really make me feel better. It is quite the opposite: typically, after M, I feel empty (although some of the physical symptomes of stress are released).
I am making progress in most areas of my life. The one area where I am quite frozen is with women. Sure, I still look and think "She's nice!" but any real attempts to meet someone are quickly shut down. I guess that I decided a while ago that I couldn't handle the stress and just stopped really looking and thereby avoiding all of the drama / trauma / pain of a relationship.
I do not know how to move out of this as it seems to be fairly crusty and thick ice. Even though I would not call myself depressed at this stage, I think that the effects of depression and anxiety have left their scars.
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