Caoimhín's Way

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Caoimhín, Nov 11, 2013.

  1. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This happens to me now, too. One glass of wine and I can get a headache. I feel it coming on while I'm drinking. Often after having a few I would take a Tylenol as a matter of course, otherwise I couldn't sleep due to the throbbing. Yes, it seems our bodies are telling us that booze is not a friend.
     
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  2. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Day 1 of my fast

    I am quite happy to be doing this as it has been years that I have been interested in the idea. It feels great to be taking action on an important goal (as opposed to just thinking about doing it or endlessly planning. This is a BIG emphasis for me in the next year: JUST DO IT!!!!) I am less worried about being hungry than of the possibility of a headache, particularly tomorrow morning as I skip the coffee :eek: but, then again, cafeine could be related to my migraines. Actually, I already know that it is.

    The plan is for 3 days fasting and then a couple of days of food reintegration (using bone broth). Drinking 2 litres of salty water will be interesting because I find it difficult to drink large volumes of water... frequent peeing but mostly not being thirsty. If things go well after 3 days, I am open to going for 5.

    Already noticed a phenomena similar to stopping PMO: frequently thinking about food, preparing food, buying food, next meal. But this is all the while not yet feeling hungry. I have read that fasting really does free up quite a bit of time during the day, so thinking about what I will do during the meal times might be important.

    What do I expect from this fast? Mostly hoping to detoxify and give my body a break. But, from my research, during the latter parts of the fast, the body will stary extracting food from other areas outside of its quick sugar stores, including the fat deposits around the liver (which accumulate if one drinks alcohol too much). I also hope to have clarity of mind. Symbolically, I see so much crap in my life - most of it self-induced - being swept away, leaving just plain old me.
     
  3. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    (wanted to keep this separate from my thoughts on fasting)

    This is also Day 1 of my new goal to limit M to 2-3 times per week. After several months of daily wanking, I am aware of "not doing it" constantly. Dick is also trigger happy, frequently and randomly suggesting things... But I have tried to keep myself busy during the day. The evening will be interesting because I have not made particular plans.

    I got out for about a 2 hour walk, got plenty of sunshine, have a whole list of things that I can do instead. But my dick is a real dickhead sometimes. Likes to have his own way.
     
  4. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    This made me chuckle! Yeah, these appendages of ours are really selfish pricks, aren't they?

    Good luck with the fasting. I've sort of thought about it, but like you, I would worry about the headaches more than anything. I don't know if I've got a real condition or anything, but if I don't eat a certain amount, and at regular intervals, I get cranky (hangry), sometimes lightheaded, a bit nauseous, etc. Maybe hypoglycemic? My dad and my brother are the same way. I hope none of this happens to you, or if it does, that it is worth it in the long run. Keep us posted.

    Also, on the M regimen, lots of conversations have been had on these boards about frequency. The NoFap nation is pretty adamant about stopping completely, and I've gone over a month without M (several years ago), but maybe trying to wean off it while abstaining from P will help. You were off the P for a really long time, and I'm thinking you M'd a fair amount during that time, so it can certainly be done!
     
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  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is what I mentioned on Bobo's journal. Our dick feels like it wants to be wanked, but in reality we are not aroused. We want the dopamine and MO is a quick way to get that.

    I actually have fatty liver, which is another reason I should not drink. But, in my case the unhealth of the liver was caused more by simple carbs than by booze; booze compounding the problem. The interesting thing, or rather alarming things, is that my doctor just said "yeah, you have a fatty liver, most people your age do." He didn't suggest lifestyle changes, nor ask about my drinking habits.

    I think fasting is a great idea. I'm not there in my head, but I certainly am now thinking about it. :)
     
  6. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Almost ready for bed and the end of my second day of fasting. Moderate headache but was able to reduce it by drinking more water. Watched some videos about fasting. An interesting effect of fasting has been how cold my hands and feet are. This is apparently a thing with fasting. So, I've been keeping close to the heat. Luckily, it was about 3C and sunny out today, so a decent day to get out, get some sun, and some exercise. I have to say that any feelings of hunger are quite minor. I think that the strongest struggle has simply been the habit of eating. So much of my time that would have been taken up with food is now free. My mind has been jumping to food all day, but I just don't feel that hungry. I did an effective job of keeping busy although I went on social media several times... but kept them short. Took a few naps when I felt tired but that was primarily due to having a crap night's sleep. I was frozen all night! Did not realise that this was fast-induced effect. Tonight, I will throw on an extra blanket and put a heating pad to keep my feet warm.

    With my goal of reduced M, I thought that today was the day... but I was kind of in a rush and predictably was unable to O. Lesson: if I want to focus on the bodily sensation... rubbing out a quick one is probably a waste of time. I guess this is a quality versus quantity thing.
     
  7. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Water fasting. Juice fasting is still food. The cold extremities are toxins being expelled from the body. Desire for food lasts 3 days then you dont have a desire and clarity of mind is experienced. When you come off the fast come back to food slowly-- soup etc Fasting allows body to use energy to heal. 70% of body's energy is used for digestion---- no digestion body can work on other things. Good luck!
     
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  8. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Well, good news, my headache is gone. 48 hours into the fast, 24 to go. Had another bad night`s sleep but at least was not freezing. Can't say that I have been embued with clarity or superpowers yet but basically am very pleased with how things are going. I was able to get back to sleep after waking up at 6am and then slept until 10 (which is unheard of for me... basically I am a guy who never sleeps in). Feeling tired and lethargic today.

    This is not about losing weight, but when I did check my weight I was at 89 kg! That is about 5 kg over the weight that I have been at for about 10 years. Today, after 2 days of fasting, it is 86 kg. I don't feel that I have to lose weight, although I do have a flabby stomach.

    I have decided that I will not M during this fast, mostly because I actually do not feel like it. Or it could be that my libido is lower. Not certain. No typical morning wood. I have never had a problem getting erect... either maintaining it or orgasm have been the problem. Reading other guy`s journals, hearing about what happens when they attempt sex, etc. has reminded me that this fear is underlying my decision to NOT try to date. The main reason is that in dealing with depression and anxiety issues, I knew that I could not deal with any of the drama associated with dating. I can barely deal with drama associated with humans (although I am getting better and working on that). The idea of trying to share my life with a woman, particularly based on all of my infrequent relationships, seems quite impossible. On top of that is my inability to "go all the way" during sex. I know that even during M, if the O is not happening, my mind immediately turns to P fantasy. I absolutely hate the idea of being with a real woman yet having to fantasise about porn. It is so wrong and such a lie. But I will do it when I start to freak out about my performance.

    Can't quite imagine at this point ever making it work.
     
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is amazing! :)
    I WISH I just had a flabby stomach. lol I have a bulging lunarscape. I look like a giant baby that's suffering from some kind of premature aging disease. :D Add my bald head in and you've got one sexy dude.

    I've read those same journals and I've experienced the crushing blow of having my penis shrink to nothing during intercourse. But, guess what, it's all between the ears. I've read so many journals where guys have plans on top of plans. They map out charts, percentages, etc, all in an attempt to make themselves perfect. Unfortunately (or fortunately) we are not a spread-sheet. Healing is a belief in ourselves. Yes, we absolutely must give up PMO and MO, so that we can actually "feel" a woman, but we will never, ever, not ever, be ready to have sex. So, it requires a leap of faith. It requires us to be take a chance. Yes, we might fail, but haven't we talked about failure recently? A failure isn't really a failure, it's a chance to grow. If you are with the right woman then she will give you the opportunity to ejaculate inside her: it will happen!

    I'm not trying to convince you to date, btw, only giving what I think is a counter-balance to the fear of engagement with the fairer sex.

    We aren't perfect, my friend. I have used fantasy to help me cum with the wife. 40 also wrote about how he used fantasy at the beginning to help get things going. No, it isn't ideal, but ideals, for the most part, are as much bullshit as fantasy. We are trying to get whole and we have to use the skillset we have at any one given time. As I keep saying: we are never ready. But, we must take the plunge at some point, anyway, and the sooner the better, imo. I don't have to use much fantasy anymore. The odd time something will drift through my mind, but mostly I'm tuned in to the wife, her soft skin, and saggy tits. lol Fat guy bones saggy wife! I'm sure there are some guys who'd be into that. :eek:o_O:D

    To put it another way. When I was in college I worked at a meat packing plant, which was a disgusting experience. But, I made money and it allowed me to pay my tuition. A means to an end, you might say.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2019
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  10. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Well, that crashed and burned pretty quickly! I was invited to some friends house yesterday evening and I thought that I would be able to go in the fasted state with no problems. When I entered the house, it was filled with the aroma of food and there were bowls of snacks everywhere. I started out good by refusing the wine / beer and sticking with my fizzy water. You have to know that I am pretty bad when it comes to eating and especially things likes nuts, cheese, chips. So it was all there in front of me. I started with just a nibble, thinking that I would stick with the higher protein sources (because technically, they would not kick me out of ketosis) but I just fell apart.

    So, I did 2 days and 6 hours.

    But, I have read that good fasting requires a bit of practice and preparation.

    I can work up to longer fasts and also impliment things that I learnt from this first time.

    What did I learn:

    1. Sensation of cold - this was really quite challenging. Need to prepare for it.
    2. Sleep - my sleep was bad during the fast. Perhaps the longer I go on the more my sleep would adapt to it.
    3. Socialisation - I felt very anti-social during the whole thing partly because I knew that the world outside of my house was full of temptations. Another thing here was even just having to tell / justify to people why I was not partaking of food and drink. There is this weird part of me that feels foolish when I try new things or put myself into any sort of non-standard experience. I tend to go under the radar and keep it hidden. Similar to alcohol: I doubt if many people know how much I drink (or to be more accurate, how much I have drank and what a problem it is).
    4. Constipation! Was not expecting this but it caused quite a bit of lower back pain and gas. I have since discovered that keeping things moving during a fast is quite important.

    So my next fast will need to be planned for a period where I have an empty social schedule but also I will have to find a way to cope with the temptations. This cannot be about willpower. Most of my fail here was more about not wanting to have to explain or justify myself to people and to just go with the flow. I also did not want to disappoint my friends who had laid out a nice spread and gone through some effort to be generous hosts. The key element here was that I put the needs and wants of other people before my own. Isn't this part of the Nice Guy Syndrome?
     
  11. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Fasting is as much a mental exercise as a physical denial. Try 2days first then move to 3 days. You must realize that you will have discomfort---- DONT GIVE UP---- the discomfort is a sign the fasting is working----- you feel bad at first then it gets better. Good luck!BTW 2 days a month is 24 days a year that you dont eat---- repair for the body!
     
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  12. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    YUP YUP YUP!!!!
     
  13. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I had that experience the other night. I told the host I was good with Seltzer water. Because everyone knows I'm a big drinker (or was) they wanted to know why I was abstaining. I just said "I'm doing a dry January. Giving my liver a break." There is no doubt that there's pressure to be the person you usually are. Fuck 'em, that's what I say. :D
     
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  14. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Must learn to have no fucks anymore!

    I give way too much importance to the opinions of others. My mantra should now become : «Saville says Fuck'em!»
     
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  15. A New Man

    A New Man White Knuckle Brigade 2013

    Another good Saville-ism that got me out of a corner- "Angry wife is a two-year old".
     
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  16. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Contemplations on rumination

    I am learning about how much time I spend in my head ruminating about things. Recently, I have had time to get to know this habit a bit better. The morning or if I wake up during the night - these are what I would typically label as the "problematic" rumination times for me. They have also been a signifacant source of stress to me within the context of anxiety and depression. These would be my prime times to dwell in thought. Ironically, also during meditation. I have to constantly pull myself back from rumination.

    In the morning or at night, in bed, if this happens, I noticed that I tend to let my hands wander down and use M to help soothe me out of a the viscious thinking cycle. Really, it often does not have to do with being aroused... just me trying to distract my brain: me being unable to cope with the discomfort of worry. Trying to feel better.

    I have to think more on this but it seems to me that many of my habits, such as porn, mindless Internet use, eating, booze, television, etc. are the same type of technique. Simple distractions because I want to avoid thinking. Why do I want to avoid thinking? Isn't that what the mind is for? Why can I NOT handle simply spending some time thinking about my issues or even my better moments? Why did I start routinely seeking to become numb to the world? Why do I need to shut down shop?

    Shutting down shop must be what happens when I become overwhelmed by things. Low resilience.

    How can I increase my resilience to every day stresses? (without having to ressort to any of the above techniques?) Spending time shining light on this, my biggest of shadows, is part of the answer. Learning about my behaviours to understand them better.
     
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  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I think it's because we get stuck in a loop. It's a shitty movie and the reel keeps on turning and turning. Feeling good for a second? Let's start the loop again from the beginning. These loops are always regret, failure, fear. The addict loves to play the same old show...but that's his weakness, he's a one trick pony.

    I found cognitive behavioral therapy valuable. When the loop starts I use positive speak and reframe the issue. Sometimes I will turn on late-night radio or turn my light on and read something affirmative that I always keep on my bedside table.

    We've spent decades honing our negativity, our defeatist movie loop. Sometimes if you stand back and watch your chattering mind it will shut up, as though it's been caught jerking off. lol
     
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  18. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    You know, for me this is a journey as much about recovering from depression and anxiety as it is about PMO recovery. It is a big, tangled mess and I tug on the one string of porn and it pulls a depression string. Tug on the M string (haha... see what I did there!) and it pulls on anxiety and self-estime. It is so complex and so simple at the same time. I feel that I am learning about my brain every day.

    Yesterday, I was shut in the house all day due to the weather. I was bored, feeling a bit off. Trying to find the word to describe my state of mind and perhaps it is "floundering" or "treading water". Consequently, I spent the day on-line on social media (no temptations with P at all) but had a little voice whispering all day to MO. Again, having thought about this recently, I was able to recognise that I was not really horney but in the vague state I was in, I just wanted to stop it. I knew that once O occured, it would feel empty and not achieve anything. Of course, I did it, just to get it over with. I don't know, maybe I should have "willpowered" it through. The O did get rid of the urge.

    The same crappy weather is also currently keeping me house bound.

    An amazing thing happened this morning. A side effect of my depression is a horrible memory. Today, an old and precious memory popped into my head... an old song that my great aunt used to sing, my favourite aunt too. It was one of the last things she was able to do the last time I saw her, was to sing this song. I had lost it in my memory. I am sad to remember her at 92 and it was rough to sing it to myself. But I perservered, knowing that I can no longer cut off hard memories from my life. When I do that, it oozes out as other behaviour... mostly whiskey or whatever is on hand to make me feel no pain.

    I feel like a lost gift has been returned. I would love to regain my memory of the details of my past... the good and the bad are all so murky.

    It feels like a crazy roller-coaster at the moment in my head.

    I also came across this interesting quote:

    My fiftieth year had come and gone,
    I sat, a solitary man,
    In a crowded London shop,
    An open book and empty cup
    On the marble table-top.
    While on the shop and street I gazed
    My body of a sudden blazed;
    And twenty minutes more or less
    It seemed, so great my happiness,
    That I was blessed and could bless.

    Yeats
     
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  19. Caoimhín

    Caoimhín Winter's coming...

    Just listened to an interesting podcast on the penis!

    It is available now at Itunes but for some reason not on the podcast website, but check here later:

    https://mattbelair.com/podcast/


    Dr. Aaron Spitz | Everything You need to Know About the Penis: Longevity, Disfunction and More 1:00:48 2019-01-31

    biology of an erection
    foods to stay away from for penis health
    masturbation
    porn
    testosterone
    supplements
    viagra and cialis
    premature ejaculation
    optimising your penis and more!
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2019
  20. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    It's great that you recalled that song and sang it. :) When my mom died many years ago my sister wanted to compile some memories of her. I couldn't for the life of me remember anything significant, anything that would be worth someone else reading. One day I started remember something about our kitchen and decided to write it down. From that seemingly insignificant point the memories flooded in...smells did to. Our memories are there, they just need some jogging to come out. When I first came to this site I complained a lot about my poor memory. I fished around for words all the time. But, my memory has gotten better. :) When we oppress ourselves through PMO we are also repressing other things as well. Our memories are collateral damage.

    I felt tempted to click on your link, but I've decided not to. I've read too much about other's opinions regarding the penis, the male condition, etc. There are no magic bullets, no tricks...except of course ditching PMO and any other habit that holds us from being our remarkable selves. I feel like we all know the answers already. We just have to be brave enough to unlock the door we already have the key to.

    I love that poem by Yeats. I visited his grave when I was in Ireland a few years ago. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2019
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