Can Porn Inspire ? (potential small triggers) - free discussion

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by Thelongwayhome27, Mar 25, 2020.

  1. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I stumble on a video, every now and then and in the right mood (this doesn’t happen all the time I’m watching porn) where I will be blown away by how extremely hot the woman in the video is. I guess it’s a mix, at that moment, of really needing physical intimacy with a hot woman like that (in real life, not through porn) and not being able to have her - that makes her even more desirable. As if, in that moment, that woman I’m watching is perfection on Earth. The thing on this planet that is the most amazing. To my slightly unbalanced mind at that moment.

    But what I mean is that in a way I can be inspired in that moment. Inspired because it reminds me how beautiful a woman is. Well how beautiful some women can be. All of a sudden, I can find a meaning to life again, a meaning that can make life worth it. A goal that can be worth fighting for. To get to a point where I am with such a woman, in real life, and that I can do whatever I want to her (in a loving way, I’m not into hurting chicks), and a woman that will completely and willfully abandon herself to me in that moment, while she moans. If I would achieve such a moment, then maybe life is worth it after all. Yes, I know, a noble cause.

    Hell, if I achieve that enough times and with hot enough women – a few times – maybe I’ll even be ready for real to have ONE woman, stay only faithful to her, forget about OTHER women, and have children with her.

    But, to arrive to my question. Do you guys, despite all the negative impacts of porn, think that sometimes porn can actually give us moments of inspiration? I mean it’s like it can remind me, sometimes, what is actually possible out there.

    And I don’t mean in the porn distortion way where I see myself having sex with a woman in a very “porn and fake way’’ (I know the whole anti porn movement talks so much about how people who watch porn a lot have unrealistic views of sex). No, I mean in a completely possible and natural way. I’ve been lucky to have had some sex, at least, with attractive girls in the past – and I know there is incredible hotness possible with women. It’s not all ‘’porn distortion”. So, what I’m referring to is this. Realistic sexual intimacy with extremely hot girls.

    Another way to see it is that society is so moralistic now days. As the modern days advance, social normal become more and more rigid. The human animal is less free to be an …. Animal. Look at the Me too movement. It’s basically an assault against natural malehood expression. I know there have been horrible cases and I am sorry for those, but as a whole, the movement went way overkill over that. So the way I see it, in my pessimistic view, we are heading for the matrix full speed (though thankfully the Covid has put that on pause for a bit). But yea, we’re heading for the Matrix where people won’t even have sex anymore in a near future. Procreation will be technological. Perhaps short hair military style feminists will rule society. And long gone the glorious image of an actual deeply feminine woman, completely healthy and natural, in all her glorious perfection – long gone such a thing. But now, if you’re lucky enough to stumble upon the right video in the right moment in the right frame of mind, you will catch a glimpse of that perfect feminine woman that sill exists out there. And, you’re lucky enough to still be alive in a world that, although is heading for that Matrix I described, is not there just yet.

    Somewhere out there, there are still extremely hot, extremely real, extremely sexy feminine women. And to have they’re perfect bodies and souls while you give yours to her could be enough for now, to forget about all the bad stuff. Maybe that's where Heaven resides. The long hair of such a nymph, caressing her lower back while she smiles. A real woman. Before the coming age of the short hair feminists military future rulers.
     
  2. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I felt like clarifying a few things on my post from yesterday.

    Now that I think of it I am not even sure what I was looking for with it, but maybe just to see if other people have had similar experiences.

    It seems to me, at times my sexual frustration can really be intense and perhaps such a post is expressing such sexual frustration.

    I would like to clarify, I was not intending to say that porn can be a good thing. On the contrary I meant to say that when I get these epiphanies, sadly while watching a porn video indeed, they inspire me to stop watching porn. So that I can improve my life and get to a point where maybe I can experience intimacy with a girl I like in such a way. Such epiphanies can come after days of binging, when I just see (again) how porn is not what will ever scratch the itch, and they can often serve as a motivator to get out of the relapse pit. The problem, though, is that such visions loose they're force after some time on the right path. Another problem is that I realize it's one thing to dream that I could achieve ''success'' with a good looking girl, to see it as a goal and even sincerely believe ''why not?'', and it's a different thing when I actually do try to make it happen. Soon enough, I will be humbled down, once I see how inhibited I actually am in my ''normal'' life.

    Confidence with women :


    I really think it's a bit of a catch-22. Girls are attracted to guys who naturally give off the vibe of a guy who has had success with the opposite sex. This leads to further success. On the other hand, a guy who hasn't had a lot of success, will give tell tale signs of that, no matter how hard he tries not to, and many girls will be turned off from him sexually.

    The guy who is not confident with women will have to deal with a pretty big inner critic whenever he ventures out of his comfort zone with women. I think it's exactly that inner critic in him that will reveal, sooner or later, to a woman that he is not confident and hasn't' had much success with women. It's that inner critic that will make him overthink way too much. Or that may make him shut off at times some actual good instincts in him, in order to try to ''fake his way''. Basically he has no map, and no matter what he tries it will be wrong.

    The inner critic is mostly a product of the past. And I'm not actually sure it's possible to just renounce to it. To just say ''let go of the past''.

    Truly, it seems to me, the only way out of sexual lack of confidence is to venture out of one's comfort zone and to tame the inner critic with slow success. In theory I see no other solution. I mean that the only way to ''re write'' the critic, to ''let go of the past'' is to actually start experiencing success.

    But yeah, bit of a catch-22 because as stated I think experiencing success when one has a big inner critic is not easy at all.

    I think most good intentions are faced with this dilemma. And that's why some, like myself, go back to porn every now and then, when they just haven't made enough progress in real life and feel that it's actually hopeless.

    But even if it's hard to tame the inner critic, in time, I don't think it's completely impossible. But what makes it hard as hell is that you loose all clarity when bombarded by the inner critic, when one ventures out of one's comfort zone. That is I think why therapists can help at times, they are supposed to help out someone changing his behaviors and mind patterns through gradual exposure to what they fear. So they can write a new response to it by changing they're mental patterns, they're programming, letting go of they're past. Whether the problem is ''lack of confidence with girls'' or something else, I think it's a similar process.

    So it's one thing to be at the end of a sad binge, see a nice looking girl on a screen and in that state of relative calmness say to yourself ''hey, why can't I actually have a girlfriend like that in my life ?" and it's another, when one leaves porn behind, starts doing his best to show up everyday and improve his life and starts facing his fears by taking those small steps out of one's comfort zone.

    But if indeed it's impossible to beat the inner critic, and not only hard but possible. Then the guy in question is fucked. He's walking a desert that has no end. But since the Universe existed, pain has existed in many forms. So he'll have to suck it up, whether he likes it or not.
     
  3. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Well-Known Member

    Edit: Reply to the OP.

    I see a few problems with what you wrote or rather the train of thought you expressed.

    First of all, you are putting women on a pedestal. You are literally expressing a state of mind where you think (solely) women will give your life a meaning ("If I would achieve such a moment, then maybe life is worth it after all"). Of course, by our biological programming, we are all chasing tail but if it is the only thing that will make your life worth living, you will subordinate everything in order to achieve this. Furthermore, you will probably be disappointed if you achieved what you strive for and the next minute you will be looking for the next fix. Just like with porn. Porn provides you with images and concepts, you will never have or find in real life in a way that is not possible in real life. The closer you look at a real women, the more you will detect sides of her that are not only flattering. In porn, you get pre-chewed and filtered images of women. Have you never looked up how pornstars look without make-up?

    You are writing about being able to do anything you want to the woman you are with, in a loving way of course, but who defines this? To me, it does not sounds like you are aiming to have a relationship that works on eye-level. It rather sounds like the fantasy of a benevolent yet condescending sex slave owner. For me personally, a healthy relationship is always about finding shared bases, to compromise and explore options. The way I perceive your message (and that might be totally flawed), it sounds like you want someone who subjugates to you. Suprise, surprise, where will you find this conception 99% of the time?

    Several times, you used the phrase "extremely hot woman". Again, to me, this sounds like it derived from a porn fantasy. I'm probably draw you out now but I'm quite sure you either relapsed before or shortly after writing this post. What is an extemely hot woman to you? Being in relationships and having had some sex, you are aware that women really fluctuate in their beauty. In porn, woman are always extremely hot or portrayed as such but this does not reflect reality in the slightest and is impossible to comepte against. Not only are they digitally remastered, staged in advantageous ways, dolled up with make-up, they are most of the time also physically enhanced with implants. You must also ask yourself, what value you present to womenkind? Are you bringing to the table similarly valuable qualities you ask for in a woman? Can you keep up with the alpha women, you desire? By the way, it's very telling that you just talk about the visuals when it comes to women, no?

    Looking at your journal, you were discussing the concept of being alpha a few times and this is, if I'm not mistaken, an often discussed term in PUA literature. Often times, I wonder how people use this term. What is an alpha? If I look at animal kingdom, it's the leader of a group that gets the benefits but also has all the responsibilites and has to defend his status over and over again until one day he/she gets retired by the next one in line. It's the one who charges in to battle before all the others, who others rely on, who has to make all the tough decisions for the good of her/his tribe whether he/she wants to or not. Being a real alpha does not come without a big price and is not for everyone.

    I'm not telling you to stop being ambitious, quite the contrary, but instead of chasing porn induced pipe dreams, it'll probably be more healthy to harness the qualities, skills and tools you possess to your best advantage. If you end up with an extremely hot woman, fine. If you only ended up with "just" a cute girl you get along with fine with whom a sustainable relationship is possible, would that be worth less or less desirable? Wouldn't it be the logical first step to start dating at all? Wouldn't it be a tad bit more pragmatic and realistic to have the goal in mind to date one woman in the first place before aiming to sleep with so many extremely hot women that you are finally ready to settle with one? Why the need to watch portrayals of women that don't exist in real life to get hunger for real women that can't compete with these artificial reflections? I really don't mean to be rude, but in your post you are coming across like someone who just started lifting weights but instead of having the goal in mind to steadily work out and cultivate constant muscle growth, you are telling everyone, you are gonna be the next Mr. Olympia come next year. Damn, bro, that post could have been straight outta Requiem for a dream...

    Unfortunately, it's quite ironic that you mention The Matrix when your whole post sounds like it had been phrased by Cypher. You don't want a real steak. You just want the fake steak to taste like real steak. How many "short hair military style feminists" who want to get rid of men do you have in your environment? The internet is full of them but when you start talking to real women on the regular, you will see that the majority of them is just as vulnerable and insecure and in the need of love and comfort like the next guy/gal. The fucking internet is full of disturbing noises but it's often times not a real image of how people are or act in real life. Cultivate some love unselfishness and the universe will return. Law of attraction.

    Unplug from porn.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 and Doper like this.
  4. Doper

    Doper Active Member

    "First of all, you are putting women on a pedestal."

    1000x this. All that perfect body and souls beautiful nymph stuff, has to be purged. As well as the military feminist, stuff. Both contrasting points get one in trouble (meaning no pussy for you).


    If you want to fuck hot women, starting from scratch, you have two options IMO. First, you can go out and bang a whole bunch of hot prostitutes, this is expensive or impossible depending on where you live, but it does satisfy the goal (since the goal isn't a relationship), and as far as I'm concerned, if one is scared of women, nothing is going to ameliorate that problem better than fucking a whole bunch of them, no matter how that comes about. Second option, start from the bottom of the pole....Like Pete said, you aren't a MR. O competitor, you are doing your first show at the middle school two towns over; first place will most likely go to Big Lenny, because he will inevitably come in more peeled than you.....you're not going to start out banging hot women, period. If all a chick wants is a fuck, she's gonna want the best. So you have to start at the bottom, with unattractive chicks where you are the most attractive product on offer. That is what we all are, products on a store shelf. What are you offering? If you aren't jacked and beautiful and can't hold a great conversation, why does a hot chick want anything to do with you. This goes for me and anyone else too.
    You know who gets all the hot pussy? dudes who also fuck chicks that even the dudes that get no pussy wouldn't want. That's what I've seen anyhow. The guy I know that runs through more girls than anyone is objectively not physically attractive AT ALL. He just loves the women. I know he get's with really unattractive women, but he is also with spinners...It's the guys that have either the need for the girl he is with to be super attractive (to validate himself to others, just like girls do), or to be with lots of women (probably again for validation or a dopamine hit).......You know where this attitude gets you? FUCKING NOWHERE, YOU GET SHIT, FUCK ALL!!!! I know from experience, I have this problem myself.
    I remember back in the day when my dick didn't work AT ALL, and I was dead inside from the constant dopamine receptor frying.....and I had some REALLY attractive girls that obviously really liked me, and my shit didn't work so I didn't want anything to do with it, I was on the search for a cure for that (spoiler, didn't happen for close to a decade)....but I remember thinking if I cured myself, I couldn't just accept ONE of these girls......But now it's like holy fuck if I could get chicks that young and hot right now, jesus christ....lol....Time goes by so fast, you gotta just act, no matter what just do something, and if you live somewhere shit, move.
    Also, like I've mentioned before.....5HTP, NAC, VITAMIN D, Cal-mag......THEANINE etc......it will help take the edge off the anxiety.

    I ain't one that should be giving advice. But think about it this way. The amount of time it took you to write those posts, how long has it been since you've taken that much time and focused it on taking action with women?
     
  5. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I don't think this way. To me that sounds like falling for a girl, then you break up and feel like crap for a while, fall for another girl, break up and feel like crap for a while.. And so on until you meet that ONE woman (and you won't forget about other women by the way).

    Maybe you mean one-night stands. There's still a bit of feeling like crap after those as well, or at least an addictive quality to them.

    Kind of sounds like a recipe for turning porn addiction into sex addiction.

    I kind of get the impression you're assuming (perhaps at an unconscious level) that these extremely attractive women also have near-perfect "souls". Some might. Others will be pretty terrible people. Some very "unattractive" women may have excellent "souls". Others will not, and so on.

    Even guys who have a lot of success with women often turn off women. The main difference is they've learned to not care much and move on to the next woman pretty quickly.

    There are many ways to deal with the inner critic. Telling it to fuck off can be pretty effective if you catch it early.

    Another way would be to think of past situations which may have created or worsened this kind of inner-critic response. Then look at the situation as a spectator and try and be more objective about the whole thing. If a girl reacted badly to you, well maybe she was just having a really bad day, or maybe she was just a nasty person who treats most people like this. Maybe you were a little awkward but at least you tried, plus even really smooth guys can be awkward too, and so on.
     
    Thelongwayhome27 likes this.
  6. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Haha .... Or perhaps from the loony bin in Twelve Monkeys.

    [​IMG]
    _______________________________________________________________________________________

    Thanks for the replies guys. I was coming back to delete my post because I was feeling embarrassed by it and didn't see what point there was to it, when I saw Pete replied so I left them. So then I had to leave it and I came up with a reply. In the meantime I had another binge though, just for the honest record. I'm not exactly in a good phase but I will unplug from porn yes.

    Rexplaining the goal of my post

    The thing is that deep down in me I think there is a guy who has value to offer to a woman. My better side. When I say that I was inspired to get intimacy with a beautiful girl I didn’t mean I was entitled to it in my current state. I don’t think a guy who watched porn for hours alone at home has too much value to offer a woman of quality. I also don’t see how such a guy could cultivate his better side, quite the contrary.

    The video I was referring too, that made me write my OP, was a video of a girl alone. She wasn’t exactly the typical porn star, physically enhanced. Actually, I had never seen her before. She looked pretty natural and was very attractive. I don’t think the more traditional porn video would inspire me as I meant it in my OP. But I don’t mean to say watching porn is good so that we can inspire ourselves.

    This video is almost like having an epiphany when deep down in the pit. Kind of like the alcoholic who has drank himself into an incredible bender for the past 5 days, hasn’t washed himself, has even ended up sleeping in a bush for two nights and then wakes up with some sun on his face, and witnesses a family passing by him on their way to breakfast on a Saturday morning, and to his amazement they are actually truly smiling. All of a sudden, despite his incredible head aches and the state he has plunged himself into, he is violently struck by the fact that happiness is possible. And he is squirming his eyes, trying to catch more of that feeling. But how to be conscious of that happiness when you do get to it, if it is even possible to get to it ? Can you get to it, the hard work it takes, without loosing your mind, health, and sanity in the process (life is hard). Or rather is that glimpse not just visible from the depths of the darkness of where the drunk has plunged himself too, from that perspective only. Like the song ''Wish you were here'' says : "Do you think you can tell .... Heaven from Hell, Blue skies from pain. Can you tell a green field, from a cold steel rail." That family actually conscious about what they have? Or, is the whole thing just an illusion produced by an idealization of the alcoholic’s state of debauchery? Perhaps the answer is simultaneously both.

    But what I mean is that sometimes, when you are falling hard, you see how beautiful life can be. Those moments can sometimes provoke strong change. Though just this vision is not enough in the long run.

    But my post was overall confusing and without a clear point. I think maybe I wanted to see if other persons felt like this sometimes. In truth, I was probably just saying “help”.

    Honest description of a desire

    I know that saying I want to sleep with a few women before settling with one can sound ambitious and deluded for a person who is very unconfident with women. I only wanted to express what my sincere desire seems to be, without judging if the desire is possible or not or even if it’s good or not for me to go after it (sex addiction being a possibility indeed). But I didn’t mean to brag or say I will get to this point. I just wanted to convey and express what I felt was a sincere desire.

    I think it’s fair to say that having bombarded my mind with hours of binging in the past weeks, my desire is more messed up then normal. Like rubbing salt on a wound. I think it’s fair to say I am at that point again where porn just creates more need, more want, and less possibility to satisfy it. So I understand why Pete said that I probably relapsed not long before nor after my OP. In fact, I relapsed about 1 day and a half before I wrote it and I also relapsed one day later (and they were binges). But in truth, it would have been possible for me to relapse right after it as well. So yes, perhaps a lot of the post was also the addiction thinking talking. And some kind of pain, mixed with sincerity, mixed with some plain old horniness.

    But despite all this, I think it’s good to recognize this need/desire for sexual intimacy with a woman. I’ll have this need even after I stop PMO. Usually, after 17 days hard mode I get struck with very strong desire. It’s not always desire for porn, it’s often desire for a real woman. I am attracted to real women out there and I desire sex with them. But since I am not capable of making that happen, I satisfy my sexual needs with porn.

    I also wrote that I would like to sleep with some women before settling for one, because I am afraid that if I manage to start dating, that my lack of experience combined with desperation will make me settle for a girl that is not right for me. I know this fear is often exploited in PUA who tell us to be ‘’alphas’’ instead of the ‘’beta’’ who gets the woman who has had sex with a lot of ‘’Alpha’s’’ in her prime and is now looking for the beta who can stick around.

    I think PUA can be very negative for people in a sense. It’s hard to only take the good part of it. Maybe it’s not even possible. And yes, I have been diving deeper in PUA material lately (videos especially).

    But PUA rhetoric has this way at times to state so simply some hardcore truths. Unless I am falling for they’re tricks and perceive as hardcore truths the lies they use to reel in guys like me.

    I guess I have to have realistic goals, start small and slow, be consistent – but yeah I am afraid of that leading to settling with one girl, the wrong one, if I forget my Requiem for a Dream ‘’Mr Olymia’’ delusions.

    Putting girls on a pedestal

    I didn’t mean to do that, but I realize how my post does do that. I was trying to express genuine appreciation for women, with they’re qualities and flaws (if we can generalize for a bit). Acceptance of women as they are. I think the guy who ‘’gets’’ women is the guy who actually understands them well enough but also actually genuinely accepts and even likes some stuff that many frustrated guys hate in girls. The guys who have the kind of success I would like to have with women are the guys who enjoy spending time with them, even if it’s not sex. Just flirting and so on. Enjoying that part, without looking for more (because they are not desperate) will get them sex. They are the ‘’naturals’’. But I’m getting in the PUA rhetoric again.

    I realize that maybe my thinking can be completely wrong though.

    But I will add that porn never creates such a state of mind. It's the polar opposite. It creates a need just for the sex. It makes one a fiend. Hence one is completely desensitized just to the fun and game of building intimacy with a girl. The friendship that maybe will lead further.

    However I suppose the guy who is successful with women and becomes obsessed with getting more numbers, will actually start having the same problem as the porn addict.

    Prostitutes

    I don’t really want to go that way. I don’t think it can make me feel good about myself. And I don’t have a fear of myself performing sexually with a woman. My problem is building intimacy with a woman gradually. The whole process of getting to the point when we have sex. Whether we’re talking in a one night stand scenario or a more relationship perspective. I’m afraid of dating, of talking to girls and all that. Of being non platonic with them. Of being vulnerable with them. Of being myself. I don’t think having sex with prostitutes would help that.

    But to sum up my OP from two days ago in one picture it would be the painting below.

    Yes that of a man who loves women. Could have been a balanced lover but is now deranged and messed up. Obsessed in the wrong way. Yes, in modern terms, an addict. So I need to stop being this way, and stop romancing such feelings within me.

    As a wise man once said Too much is like not enough

    [​IMG]
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2020
    Doper, Pete McVries and axebattler like this.

Share This Page