I haven't been on here for a couple of years, but something told me to stop by and share with you all how I recovered. It was a very unconventional way, but it's been working. You can go to my profile and read how my story started. I was just as bad as anyone on here. I failed/relapsed so many times on my journey to the point where I almost just gave up and accepted the fact that I'll watch porn for the rest of my life. It made me feel good, so why not, I thought. But the thought of never being intimate with a woman ever again made me even more depressed, and that's when something just clicked in my brain. I first downloaded the program K9 for my computer. I made a random password (for example: giufwrgrg559) and wrote it down.I gave it to a friend who I trusted very much. I told him not to give me the password, no matter how much I begged. I told him to keep it for 60 days, then give it back. I made it 60 days without watching any porn, or even masturbating. But I felt like I didn't improve at all. It was like a 60 day flatline. No morning wood, no desire, nothing. But the will power to stay away from porn was improved. I removed k9 from my computer and was able to avoid porn. I got to about day 85, and I still made no progress physically. I started to feel discouraged because there I was under a week away from 90 days, and I felt like I got nowhere while some guys were fully healed. That's when I decided I would masturbate without porn using light stimulation with no fantasy. I was able to get about 90% hard in less than a minute. This alone showed me that I did in fact make progress. If you asked me to do this before I started my journey, I would have never been able to get 90% hard with light stimulation in under a minute without porn or fantasy. I did wind up having an orgasm, and everything seemed to change. I suddenly started waking up with erections and wanted to have sex with any woman I saw. I got to day 110 before I masturbated again. I was so horny I couldn't help myself. This didn't seem to hurt my progress, but I wanted to get away from masturbating altogether. I wound up making a sex toy out of a sturdy foam pillow so I can simulate real sex the best that I could. I cut a slit in the pillow, put a long latex glove inside and stretched it around the outside of the pillow. Put some lube inside and then went to town on it. I was able to stay hard, but what concerned me was that I still needed to manually stimulate myself in order to get hard. I figured this was because I couldn't just get hard on command without a woman in front of me. I then met a girl who I told my story to. she agreed to help me out. I told her that I didn't want to have sex... I just wanted to make out and go down on her. Win for her, right? So we did this a few times, but I wasn't really getting hard. Maybe like 30-35% at best with a lot of pre-cum. This was pissing me off and one day, I decided that we should just have sex. Disappointingly, I had to get myself hard using my hand, then I put a condom on and we started having sex. I started to kind of lose my erection when I was inside her, and I never came. The second time, I got like 70% hard after stimulating myself first, then came in like 10 seconds. I was so frustrated. I didn't really make much progress after all. I didn't care though, and just kept trying. After that second attempt, I successfully had sex with her about 40-50 times. I did have to get myself hard using my hand, but it was better than nothing. Slowly over time, I started to get hard automatically. I'd notice that just by kissing her and feeling up on her, I'd get about 60% without even touching myself. And once I did, I quickly became about 90% hard. Now, sometimes when I'm really horny or if we haven't had sex in about a week, I can get up to 80-90% hard without touching myself. We've even had sex 3 times in one day. Am I 100%? I still say no. Probably because I went into having sex too early. But this is so much better than where I was before. Also, even after I started having sex, I did relapse a few times. The first time was about 2 months after I had successful sex. It didn't seem to set me back at all. It fact, I had sex 3 times in 2 days right after I watched porn. I also had no desire to go back and watch more. It wasn't until another 4 months passed by that I watched porn again. Even then, no set back. I did have a minor set back about 4 weeks ago though. I watched porn 3 times in a week. That third time, my "session" lasted 35 minutes. My erections while having sex were very sluggish for 2 weeks after that. I needed to abstain from sex for about 10 days before it started feeling normal again. That was a good reality check. I thought I was in the clear and could enjoy porn safely again.... nope. This is a life long commitment, fellas. And I like having sex much more, so I'll stay away from the porn.
Awesome. Goes to show the importance of rewiring....based on several accounts, the first few attempts at sex are pretty shit. But if you keep at it, improvements seem to build fairly quickly. I guess you slowly build new pathways towards real sex and that gradually keeps improving and improving.
Nice job mate. Glad you had some good progress that allowed you to atleast start rewiring. Maybe that last 10% hardness is due to some pelvic floor issues like i had? Check my signature for a link to a thread i created about muscle conditioning in your pelvic area.
I personally believe that if I am ever cured, my story will be just like this. I have not found the will power to abstain from MO.
