Today is a breaking point for me. I have been running away from so much pain and have let myself and the world completely exploit my inner child. I have been numbing nine years of pain and have shown complete disregard to my feelings. I have found my reason for change and this time there is no sitting on the fence or crocodile tears. I can clearly see where I am going and the number of years I have wasted on this addiction just angers me & it breaks my heart. Sitting for a year at home has made me realize that things will not Change if I dont take charge. I already knew this but reality strikes one pretty heard. Now I am still the same person and change is probably not what I have been fantasizing about. It is not so heroic as depicted in the movies, it is actually a boring set of steps taken repeatedly everyday, overtime which causes change. Big words don't matter if they are not executed so my plan of action is to start with my 1) Daily 5 (do five things everyday which will change my life & increase my self esteem overtime) 2) Keep a list of all the things which I have been postponing or scared of so that I know what to focus on during the day and not get distracted. 3) take action on the list every single day. The size of the action doesn't matter. 4) Meditate and practice building a gap from the train of thoughts & emotions. It is important to not get caught up in it. My thoughts & emotions are not me. 5) Keep momentum. This is the most important part as I have previously made several commitments and have failed to follow through after a week or so. "Consistency is the mother of mastery" -- I need to remember that. Without it everything is in vain. As a way to keep myself accountable I will update my journal everyday for the next thirty days. Its going to be uncomfortable and frustrating, I am expecting that but PMO is not an option anymore.