Call it magic!

Discussion in 'Ages 20-24' started by kira, Mar 20, 2016.

  1. kira

    kira Member

    I am home alone and getting strong urges. But I know the consequences if I relapse. So instead I I will ask myself why do I want to fap? I am a little under stress about my coming challenges but all I have to do is to stay in the moment and do what needs to be done. Slowly through consistent action, my life will change. I will be better. There is absolutely nothing to be stressed about. It wont help anyways. Also its bothering me, the discomfort of not acting on these urges but I know the this will be a tough journey in the beginning but it will get easier and easier later on. I will regret relapsing. I remember how I had felt last time. How this instant dopamine rush doesn't give lasting satisfaction. I would just need more and more. It's not worth it. I am more than this and I can pull this off. Will practice equanimity.
     
  2. kira

    kira Member

    I am a human. I give myself the permission to make mistakes, waste time or day dream until I am learning from it and trying to improve myself. I have realized that deep breathing allows me to stay in the present moment and not let auto pilot take over when things get tough. Just focussing on the breath allows my prefrontal cortex to take charge.

    Every time I find myself thinking bad or day dreaming, I am going to yell and say in my mind.

    " you have no say here, this is my mind, my domain and I rule here by force". (I read this on the negative loop article website.)
     
  3. kira

    kira Member

    Now will meditate then go to the gym and will do my work after coming back
     
  4. kira

    kira Member

    I have reached a new low in my life. It kind of comes like a shock but I think I somewhat was expecting it. I just graduated and have no job, no direction, a lot of procrastinated pending work, bad gpa's. I never really enjoyed my college years. I see all these friends who have enjoyed, made memories, good gpa's and now partying, going on trips as most have already got a kickass break in their career.

    And I am sitting at home. Don't know what to do. Whom to call. I gave a job interview in a extremely low standard company a few weeks back as I had no other option and even they didn't select me. I couldn't answer simple questions which I should have known. Even stupid people have managed to land themselves somewhere good.

    I have this one important exam to give for my further studies after two months, which I was suppose to give a year back but didn't, while my friends are enjoying their graduation. Moreover, I am still not preparing well for the coming exam and every passing day just builds up the stress. I am lonely, how all porn addicts will ever be.

    I think I have reached that point, everything just falling apart. I am already a big lonely mess, just can't imagine how I will be in five years from now if I don't stop? How worse will my health situation get? How bad this will hurt and break me?

    Porn is not the problem with me. It's much more than that. Ironically I didn't like watching porn last time when I relapsed, not because I am rebooting but because I have desensitized to it. It doesn't excite me anymore, my mind needs more shocking stuff but there exist none. I have watched it all!
     
  5. Londoner

    Londoner Well-Known Member

    There's one piece of advice that is easy to say but much harder to do. I'm very guilty of this myself, but we need to stop comparing ourselves to others - even on here, I get jealous seeing other people's counters who are further ahead than me! Silly, right?

    In truth, we're all on different trajectories in every aspect of our lives. For whatever reason, your peers appear to be better off than you, but that doesn't mean they always will be. I have friends who got much better grades than me at school and should have been high achievers in life. Instead, I feel like I'm in a better place than them in some ways (career-wise, not relationship-wise :D).

    The point is, life isn't a competition - set your own realistic and personal goals and forget about everyone else's.
     
  6. kira

    kira Member

    Thanks Londoner, that was helpful. Sometimes I feel better after putting down the thoughts that have been bothering me and this is the best place to do it. Man, you think you are not doing good? I just relapsed and my best streak would be 10-11 days. You are doing great ;) keep going man!

    Once we build up a momentum of going in an upward spiral, it becomes easier. I was in that spiral when I relapsed. Big mistake.
     
  7. Sage

    Sage Aiming to be the ultimate version of myself

    Dude, i'm in the same boat as you. Just finished uni and its like everyone around me is getting work except me. Everytime i meet someone they go like "Where you working now?" and i feel so bad knowing that i'm home the whole day. I don't talk to anyone except my gf these days and she has work too so there's this pressure on all sides. Just know you ain't alone and we don't know what the future holds for us. I'm hopeful the right opportunity is waiting for me to actually be ready for it rather than have it then blow it
     
  8. Sage

    Sage Aiming to be the ultimate version of myself

    @ trainmill Who's the author?
     
  9. kira

    kira Member

    Hey Sage! The author is Jeff Olson. Read ths book, its a game changer. One of the best books I have ever read.

    Edit : keep us updated with your progress :)
     
  10. Sage

    Sage Aiming to be the ultimate version of myself

    Thanks! I will definitely look for it. I was having urges just a few minutes ago, I'm going to take a cold shower right now. Can't let my mind wander
     
  11. Robane

    Robane Member

    @ kira and Sage

    You guys are so young. You have too much time ahead of you to be having these types of regrets. Forget about what everybody else is doing. What do YOU want to do? Where do you want to be in the next 10 years?? Where everybody else is??? Set specific goals for yourself. If you don't know which goals to set for yourself, then spend a year working somewhere. Go teach English in Japan, China, or Russia. Do a study abroad course somewhere. Go work on a farm in Peru. Go work on an oil-rig. Just get out of your routine. Meet new people from different backgrounds and experiences. Make some money for yourself. Mature. Then, after experiencing all of that, figure out what you want to do with your life.

    Trust me, you have time! So use it! I'm turning 28 this year, and I'm still without a job, basically penniless, in debt, still struggling with PMO and intimacy issues, etc. All of my friends are way ahead of me, in terms of adult development. Everyday, I see kids still in their early 20's, that are much more successful than I am. My parents are ashamed to even mention me to their friends. People I grew up with from the age of 5 ignore my calls because they think i'm a loser. On the outside it seems as if my life is complete and utter shit. Yet, i am still anxious to see a new day tomorrow, because I know it's another opportunity to get closer to my goals. So, even though you think your life is the absolute worst right now, there's always someone out there going through much worse than you. But regardless, use what you have available to you in order to make your life better.

    So what are your goals? Where do you want to be in the next 10 years? What do you want to accomplish by then? Do you want to be married? Be financially independent? Have your Ph.d.? Where do want to be in your finances, relationships, academics? Make specific long-term goals. Then set realizable and achievable short-term goals. If you don't know what your goals are at the moment, then think about doing what I proposed above.

    Also meditate daily. Download an app called "Calm" and meditate daily for 15-25 min. Check out a guy named Tony Litster. He has a lot of great material on goal creation, personal development, and overcoming porn addiction. You can download his podcasts for free...the title of the podcast is "Beach Prophet"


    Willpower is never enough to avoid PMO or MO. Meditation helps activate/develop the willpower parts of our brains (in the prefrontal cortex), but you still need to make sure your environment is "safe", for the most part. For example, keep your devices out of your trigger zones. If you have an iphone, activate the restrictions on Safari, and have your friend set up the pass code. Use your computer in the library only, and keep it out of your house/dorm if you need to. Also, study exclusively at the library, so you can get more work done.

    Here are some links on Meditation and Willpower:

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-wise-open-mind/201004/mindfulness-meditation-addiction
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/meditation
    https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-willpower/201004/meditate-your-way-more-willpower
    http://eocinstitute.org/meditation/boosting-willpower-self-discipline/
    http://www.webmd.com/diet/willpower-facts?page=1
     
  12. kira

    kira Member

    Thank you Robane for taking out the time to share your insights and material.

    Funny thing is that I just completed my 7 days of calm meditation course from the calm app! It is definitely amazing. I have been practicing meditation for over a year now but this app has proven to be the most helpful. Will continue the practice as its said, "meditation is like going to the gym for your mind." I am seeing the difference.

    I just googled Tony Litser and seems like someone on this forum had also shared his content long back as it was the first link. Will check it out!

    Will check out the links you shared in the coming week.

    It's not too late for you as well. There are people struggling in their 40's and there are people who have achieved success in their 50's. It's never too late. With friends what I have experienced that if you are doing well they stay in touch with you and if not, they forget who you are. That's really how the world works. But there is one person who is always going to be with you no matter what is happening in your life. And that person is --Yourself.

    I have started to understand this lately and practicing to be my own best friend, getting rid of my liming beliefs. You are right about the regrets, it's all just a learning experience but sometimes it just gets to you and it's alright. I am not very clear where I want to be in ten years but as of today I know what I want to do and will keep pushing myself to do it the best way I can. I want to push myself in an upward spiral.

    I have been struggling to find an appropriate way to block p on my smart phone. I use android. Used host files, open dns before but doesn't work 100%.

    I have been two days in my rebooting and all my dizziness, headaches and low energy have reduced so now I don't have any excuse to not be productive. I am feeling charged and hungry and I will maintain this. I also came across something recently about procrastination and motivation.

    "Your mind is intelligent and will trick you to get out of difficult situation by creating doubt, fear, insecurity, distraction and unnecessary negative emotions. So the next time my mind does that while I am working then I only have one thing to say 'Just Shut the fuck up and do it'. Less thinking, more doing. You can still take action irrespective of how you feel and what you think"
     
  13. howardroark

    howardroark New Member

    "Your mind is intelligent and will trick you to get out of difficult situation by creating doubt, fear, insecurity, distraction and unnecessary negative emotions. So the next time my mind does that while I am working then I only have one thing to say 'Just Shut the fuck up and do it'. Less thinking, more doing. You can still take action irrespective of how you feel and what you think"


    lol,tattoo material right there
     
  14. kira

    kira Member

    Thank you ;) @howard, that was actually from the site you had shared with me before.

    I am getting some serious cravings since yesterday. I edged and was also on a verge of MOing but I got myself back in the present moment by focussing on my breathe. All hail meditation!!

    But I am still having urges to have one small peak on tumblr to check if there is something new but I know if I do that, a relapse is inexorable.

    I am not being very productive which is causing a lot of disappointment. I have to work on it. Manage my time, manage how I can do things better, convince myseld to take action irrespective of how I feel or think. I know things are getting a little stressful but just imagine if this continues how much stressed out I will be a month from now. It will be hopeless. I can still avoid that and fight for what I want.

    Now I will write a compassionate letter about my unproductive nature and will start my work. I wasted three hours sulking but there are still 7 hours left for the day to end and I have no excuse to waste it feeling hopeless and sorry for myself.
     
  15. kira

    kira Member

    Today I learnt that if I write down what I have to do, it generally ends up happening.
     
  16. kira

    kira Member

    I had a minor mishap need to get my emotions in control

    Edit :- relapsed & binged. :( I am really doubting if I can ever make it out. I have become highly stressed out thinking about my situation a year from now if I dont change. My heart feels really heavy and I think I might get a panic attack. I have been like this since so many years, it is haunting me
     
  17. jkl

    jkl Member

    Try changing the type of porn you use. Old fashion styled porn pictures can help in the transition from a porn to no porn lifestyle. You should also consider anal masterbation. I know it may seem a little weird, but it does stimulate the prostate and it also takes a lot longer to reach a full orgasm, and you most likely would be too tired by then. Considering other options doesnt hurt.
     
  18. jjveetec

    jjveetec Well-Known Member

    If I were you I'd try to go as deep into porn as possible. Destroy myself through it - fuck up everything I can.
    I would admit it's hopeless and simply go for broke to reach the lowest of the low. To go through the bottom to the bottomless pit of desperation.
    Because there is no hope, is there?
     
  19. jkl

    jkl Member

    That strategy does help stop pmo for a few days. When I would pmo a few times a day, I wouldnt bother pmoing within the next 4 days.
     
  20. jjveetec

    jjveetec Well-Known Member

    I feel you responded to me...
    I'm not talking about any strategies. I know that after porning like mad for a day or two, I'd be depleted for a few days and feel no craving at all. This craving would then return after a few days, when I recovered a little bit.
    I'm talking about something else. More brutal and thorough. The botomless pit of hopeless desperation. Darkness and coldness... place with no belief and no hope for ever getting better. Going past the ninth circle of hell... the "no way back, no way through" place, where you hit the wall and everything comes to halt.
     

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