day 1 I feel awful, mentally and physically. I'm fucking drained. Full recovery mode. No porn, no looking at women until 10/1, I'm in full recovery mode. I miss Mark terribly. I'm fucking pissed, falling off a roof! He was my best friend. I just had to say that somewhere, to anyone. I've never been able to say that since he's been gone. I weep for his death. I hope someday I'll be able to meet with him again, but I can't hope to go to a place where he is today. Tomorrow is day 2. I'm ready to stand strong. I've beat the dopamine of alcohol and smoking. I'm ready for this.