The thing is I've always been this way. Even as a teen I had a young man's passion but used all my makeout sessions to fuel MO sessions. You have spoken in the past about about coming on strong with the wife in a gentle demanding way. My personality doesn't seem to work that way. I am not assertive. I am quite opinionated but tend to be passive aggressive. There have been times when I have rubbed her shoulders and gotten fresh. It warms her up, but then I start thinking"oh crap" this is going to end up in bed and I won't be able to perform because she doesn't turn me on and then she'll feel undesirable. I then sometimes will say let's just cuddle. And we do, but she knows I have drives and why am I not expending that drive on her which becomes akward.