....but the fighter still remains.....

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Boxer17, Jun 23, 2017.

  1. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    In the clearing stands a boxer
    And a fighter by his trade
    And he carries the reminders
    Of ev'ry glove that laid him down
    And cut him till he cried out
    In his anger and his shame
    "I am leaving, I am leaving"
    But the fighter still remains

    Paul Simon
     
  2. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    That song speaks to me
    Started out yesterday with hopes. DW (dear wife)and I gave secret signals to one another of good things for last night. Haven't looked at P since Monday. Tried to be good all week.
    Blasted ED. It's between my ears not my legs.
    You jump from image to image online one creampuff to the next and a 60 something true hearted woman has a hard time competing in the visual arena, the fuel of a man's sex drive
    I remember a c&w song from years ago:
    Caught between two fires
    One is safe and warm
    The other pure desire

    Even without P all you have to do is go to a mall or walk down the street and you are accosted on all sides by sexual visual stimulation

    Sooo frustrating
     
  3. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    These lyrics do apply to our situation, don't they?
    Welcome, Boxer. I think you'll like this place.
     
  4. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    This is awesome!
     
  5. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member


    A little about me. I will break it into parts
    Part 01
    I am a male in my 60s. Christian-(what a contradiction eh?). I know being Christian doesn't exempt one from problems but it does add an additional layer of guilt o_O Married 40 years. Dad. Grandpa.
    I grew up in a very "leave it to beaver" household ; a very traditional home.
    I have always been a bit voyeuristic. Even as a young boy. I would look under ladies dresses in Sunday school. I would position myself to look down women's blouses. What a thrill it gave. I loved looking at womenswear in the catalogs as a boy.
    Then a significant event happened. As a young boy while rope climbing in grade school gym class as I neared the top the most amazing sensation overtook me. I had a prepubescent orgasm from the exertion. I didn't know what had happened but I knew it was something I wanted to repeat.....often!! And I did
    I began climbing anything that would give me an exertion orgasm. Ropes,poles,etc.... I was Hooked.
     
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2017
  6. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    Hi Boxer17.

    It's your heart, your inner knowing, the desire to end suffering, or call it what you will, that brought you here. It's good to have you here. Welcome, my friend.
     
  7. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Thank you for the kind words
    I do feel welcomed
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  8. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I heard someone make a remarkable statement:
    When making your battle plan, remember the enemy also has a vote.
    A simple sentence but wow!

    There are 2 scenarios I keep repeating
    1. Sometimes I am beset with what I call "the fever" when my defenses have been breached. It could be an image,a woman walking by,or an unguarded thought process. That fever can dog me for hours. It comes after me. Sometimes I grind through and it finally will leave me alone for awhile..... sometimes I surrender
    2. The other and more disgusting path I go down is when I create self inflicted wounds. Sometimes when am bored or aimless I will begin to seek out "the fever".
    I will begin seeking sexual stimulation until it responds to me. Then after PMO for wasted hours I really hate myself. I was being left alone by the dragon and I courted it's company!!
     
    mailboxsam likes this.
  9. gymaddict

    gymaddict Member

    Welcome Boxer

    Another Christian man here so dont feel alone. My falls off the wagon into porn went on spasmodically and episodically for almost 16 years when the computer landed on my desk. Before that, all the porn was behind the counter of convenience stores (at least in my life) thanks to Dr. Dobson. But with the advent of the computer age, it was one click and I could see anything and everything I had wondered about from boyhood to age 50, the age I was when the computer landed on my desk.

    Dont feel alone bro. The struggle for purity is just that.......a struggle. We men help one another, not condemn one another and that is the love of our great God too. His face is toward us shining upon us, and we thank Him for the God given miracle of repentance and His blood. I heard a sage theologian say that when God sees us thru the blood of Jesus, He does not see our sin. That is the power of repentance and our Saviors blood. We call it redemption and atonement and so it is.

    Say on brother. We are all pretty much alike on this forum
     
  10. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I know and thank you. That is true
     
  11. madman

    madman Member

    Here here. What has been shared here has been golden!
     
  12. Billy B.

    Billy B. PMO is NOT an option!

    Welcome!

    Looks like you're getting a handle on the technology and are embracing the spirit of this place. I thankyou for your honesty and would like to compliment you on your way with words. It sounds like you have a great deal of self-awareness around your relationship to the beast. With that, your faith and with the collective wisdom and support of this place, I s'pect you'll succeed with out too many hiccups.

    It can be a hard road to hoe but it's totally worth the struggle. Even if we had a choice, which we don't really, I mean... the alternative doesn't bare considerin'.

    Peace to you, Brother.
     
    Newman8888 and Boxer17 like this.
  13. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Though I have only been here a few days I already feel a kinship with you guys. Thank you all for making me feel welcome. This is such a personal struggle. It's not something you can just share with anyone. I sense I can pour out my heart here and be understood. We don't make excuses for ourselves or each other but we can share one another's burdens
     
    Billy B. likes this.
  14. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    Welcome Boxer. This is a great community. Wonderful men all ready to support and encourage and share. You have much courage to be on this path sir! Most of the World prefers the wide gate to the narrow gate.

    From my perspective having my wife is a great extra support. I go on like a broken record about the value of non-sexual physical intimacy. Cuddling, spooning, hand holding, hugs, hugs and more hugs. I never liked any of that when I was full blown PMO addcited. Now, the physical bonding is the best medicine! Oxytocin brother!
     
  15. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    :D:):p
     
  16. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Together we are strong. Everyone has a different perspective and there is so much learning to be had. Every single day I learn something from the writings of the men here. I use it now to help me stay strong and also to help me grow. As I go about my day I often chuckle at the advantage I have over so many others. I mean, I have this special box (the forum) where I can find wisdom and support on a daily basis. We are so lucky that this place found us!
     
    Newman8888 likes this.
  17. Newman8888

    Newman8888 The wound is the place where the Light enters you

    You're right, Boxer. You can pour out your heart here. Please do. Let your heart shine, brother.
     
  18. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    Some musings
    I'm gonna start with a statement :
    I think junk food and porn have a lot more in common than might first appear

    The passages in quotes are from an article:
    Supernormal Stimuli: Your Brain On Porn, Junk Food, and the Internet
    This post originally appeared on Sparring Mind.
    Gregory Ciotti
    5/14/14 5:00pm

    I've been reading about something called supernormal stimulation.
    I can have a lunchbox full of food that I can use to meet my hunger needs. But I find myself looking for chips or Little Debbies cakes.
    -------------------------------
    Quote: Gregory Ciotti
    "The highly addictive nature of junk food is one of our generation's great concerns—food is being engineered specifically to be more appealing than its natural counterparts. Is it any wonder then that when fast food is more thoroughly introduced to other countries, people start consuming it more often than their native cuisine?
    Food is one of the toughest things to struggle with because it's an absolute necessity—the problem with junk food is due to the fact that it is a "super stimulating" version of a natural reward we are supposed to pursue. Food addiction is the real deal, and a tough habit to break because the triggers are ever present."
    ------------------------------------
    Many of us are or have been married to women who are willing to engage in sex. Yet....we find ourselves looking for supernormal stimulation via porn.
    ----------------------------------
    Quote Gregory Ciotti
    "Probably the most controversial of all modern stimuli, pornography has been described by some as insidious in nature because it might skew the otherwise normal activity of sex. Porn has been linked to changing sexual tastes, and some argue that porn can become a "never-ending" supply of dopamine"
    "It's been suggested that pornography messes up the "reward circuitry" in human sexuality—why bother trying to pursue and impress a potential mate if you can just go home and look at porn? This has been argued as the beginning of porn addiction, as novelty is always a click a way, and novelty is closely tied to the highly addictive nature of dopamine.

    As psychologist Susan Weinschenk explained in a 2009 article, the hormone and neurotransmitter dopamine does not cause people to experience pleasure, but rather causes a seeking behavior. "Dopamine causes us to want, desire, seek out, and search," she wrote.

    It is the opioid system that causes one to feel pleasure. Yet, "the dopamine system is stronger than the opioid system," she explained. "We seek more than we are satisfied."
    -----------------------------------

    Our women are known, predictable,with strengths and weaknesses as are we men.
    Porn is a highlight reel. A never ending stream of stimulation. Unlike interacting with a partner we can view porn when we're bummed out,bored,disgusted with ourselves. All situations where we don't want to interact with a mate. Plus there is the stimulation factor. A real person has a hard time competing with fantasy.

    Another thing. If your like me. When I binge on junk food i usually do it in secret. Remind you of another secret guilty pleasure?

    So...just like little Debbies ,or whatever your food secret pleasure is,trumps real food. So it seems to me porn,hyper stimulating fake sex is a lot like over stimulating fake food
    So the real thing can pale in the face of the fake

    Just thinking out loud

    Maybe I'm a nut. It's possible
     
    A New Man likes this.
  19. Boxer17

    Boxer17 Active Member

    I guess I'm just trying to understand the almost irresistible pull
     
  20. gymaddict

    gymaddict Member

    You're not a nut Boxer. There is truth in what you posted. Porn is a counterfeit and a lie. It is not real. It is a fantasy world.

    We men need to cultivate emotional intimacy with our wives, lots of physical affection, words of praise and affirmation, and many other things. Porn thrives where we do not have emotional intimacy with our wives where we are daily pursuing her romantically and loving her as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it.

    Having said that, I need to take a dose of my own medicine and put it into practice daily.
     

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