Hey guys I figured I'd do a journal or start another one at least. I did one about 6 months ago but never updated it so I figured I'd start off fresh. A little bit about myself: I am 23 years old, graduating college this semester and plan on heading to grad school. I have a job, two happily divorced parents and am an only child. I started viewing porn consistently at around 12 years old however I did encounter it before that when I was 5 maybe 6 and I stumbled upon cinemax one night which was showing soft-core pornography which was stopped abruptly when my dad woke up and saw what I was watching. Shortly after there was a block put on the channel so I couldn't see it again. I had no idea what I saw at the time but what I saw intrigued me. Other than this one encounter with porn I never really saw anything like that again but it took a while for the effect it had on me to wear off. See, I was a happy kid growing up. I was athletic, smart, had great potential really. Never really had family issues other parents getting divorced and re-married then divorcing again, recently. I'm not gonna lie, that sucked but looking back it was for the best. It was when I got access to internet porn at the age of 12 when things really started to take a turn for the worse. As soon as I first saw porn on the internet I was hooked. I couldn't wait to get home from school everyday so could pmo. I did this almost daily, along with watching shows on HBO like real sex, and soft-core porn. Nothing else really seemed to matter. I became obsessed with girls but in an unhealthy way, also. I focused more on body parts and had a unhealthy lust for them that lasted all the way up until now. Once I got into high school I learned how to download videos on kazaa and had websites that I would frequent. I ended up becoming completely wired to porn. During high school I had a couple encounters with girls but I always seemed to mess it up. It was like I had to force myself to interact with them and it always felt weird and unnatural to me which was frustrating because it seemed to come easy to my friends. Eventually I became discouraged and didn't even bother trying to get a gf or anything. It got to the point where I rather just pmo then even try to strike up a conversation with the opposite sex. Once I went to college I still was this way and was also still a virgin. During my freshmen year all my friends decided to help me lose my virginity and were constantly talking to me about it and asked me if I even wanted to have sex. Anywho, here I am today after finding YBOP and this website which was about a year ago. I'm glad I finally figured out what was going on with me and why I had no interest in the opposite sex. I forgot to mention that during my freshmen year of college I had 3 different opportunities to lost my virginity but I just couldn't do it. I had the girls in bed with me, right there, willing to have sex and yet I just wasn't interested enough. I almost kind of feel bad for them because who knows what I kind of impact that had on there self-esteem. They probably thought they weren't attractive enough even though they were plenty attractive. Anyways, here I am today after all of that BS. I am a lot happier person now than I was then. Probably because I don't obsess over sex like I used to. I'm beginning to learn how to love who I am, although there are some things I would like to change. I don't think I would be where I am without the help of this community or YBOP and I thank all responsible for both. I plan on updating this journal every chance I get and improving myself as much as possible.