bright_eyes' Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by bright_eyes, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. chicken

    chicken Guest

    This is the lesser evil of M and MO...not PMO or P. so adjust as you see fit.
  2. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Fairly quick M in the shower to the memory of a uniquely positive pay-for-play experience from years ago. Quite harmful, I suspect, in terms of reactivating circuits that I need to shut down.

    Disclaimer: This is not at all an endorsement of pay-for-play. The positive experience was a rarity. The norm was doom, despair, agony, weeping and gnashing of teeth.
  3. Freethinker

    Freethinker Guest

    I believe if there is a positive aspect to your "fun in the shower" it is that it was linked to the memory of a real life event for you. I have no issues with the "pay for play" part. I've engaged "professionals" many times when I was overseas in the Marines. Man gotta do what a man gotta do.

    There's much opinion about the role fantasy plays in this PMO battle, but my feeling is that if you're reliving an event that you actually took part in, well, that might not lead to negative rewiring in your brain. That seems like a healthy memory to me, especially if it truly was an enjoyable thing at the time and didn't lead to self-loathing or some other negative emotion. Of course, if it triggers you into a period of PMO, then that's not good. ( that's the tricky part ;) )

    Thanks for popping in to the Digest.
  4. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Thanks for the positive perspective, Free.

    Unfortunately, for me, M simply leads to more M. In the interest of scientific accuracy, here are the statistics:
    • 1st M - 1/18 - Remote session with my significant other on the phone
    • 2nd M - 1/ 22 - Shower session to the memory of a positive pay-for-play experience
    • 3rd M - 1/23 - 10:00 hours - Bed session to the deliberate recall of all positive pay-for-play experiences--ever
    • 4th M - 1/ 23 - 13:00 hours - Shower session to the memory of one of my all-time favorite pornstars
    There you have it. You can easily imagine the degree to which I have reactivated sexual addiction circuitry.

    Note: Interestingly, I have been doing significant exercise sessions throughout this crazy period. In fact, the last M session followed shortly after a major session on the exercise machine.

    Random Idea: Might be time to take that old guitar out of the closet, dust it off, and write a little song called something like Old Wanker.
  5. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member
  6. Florida22

    Florida22 Member

    2013 - 2014 Holiday Massacre! Love it...One day at a streaks ONE f in DAY at a TIME.
  7. imout

    imout Active Member

    I appreciate your brutal candor about all this. The progression in your m sessions is indeed very obvious. I now understand why you have such a strict counter policy.
    Well, brother, you know all you need to know and dont need old wankers like me to tell you what all this means
  8. chicken

    chicken Guest

    well get back on track...Reset and move on. You have my full support. You can do this. You will do this.
  9. fcjl8

    fcjl8 The only path for me

    You are okay now? Do you want to resume - no M path? Have you considered what triggered this?

    none of my business , just questions I would probably ask myself.

    I have never had pay for play... only ever really played with one woman... my wife. I think I have wondered about it, seems kind of unreal, like a work of fiction.
  10. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    I actually don't know what pay for play is…. I'll consult wiki. I guess I was a rather sheltered PMO'er.

    Did you get the ol' guitar out, dust it off, tune 'er up and write that song?
  11. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

  12. Libertad

    Libertad Well-Known Member

    Hi Bright_Eyes,
    you helped me so much with your posts on my journal in the beginning of my journey.
    I don´t know if this is for any help for you, I only want to tell what saved me at many days. I made each day in the morning when still in bed the decission to stay clean today. Maybe tomorrow I will or can do PMO, but today, this entire day I will not do it. Every morning I made this decission, sometimes still today when I feel urges.
    Wish you the best.
  13. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

  14. bright_eyes

    bright_eyes Master of My Own Mind?

    Started The Willpower Instinct. Trying to take it slow. Stopped at the point where the author asked me to think of something I wanted to challenge myself with, some kind of "don't", or "want", or something else. Thought of a couple of things. Thinking of starting with "don't eat so much junk food and sweets", or even "don't eat junk food and sweets". We shall see...
  15. mcbc_rewired

    mcbc_rewired Active Member

    Hey BE, I know what you mean. Looks like an interesting book.

    I like these points someone put on Amazon review:

    how feeling bad leads to giving in - self-compassion is a far better strategy than beating ourselves up

    inner acceptance improves outer control - attempts to fight instincts and desires ironically make them worse

    and this!: why being good encourages bad behavior - we use past good behavior to justify indulgences
  16. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    It's cold and snowy here, hence my thoughts went to… "Don't eat yellow snow" :). I'm sure I'll be reading that book, it's getting good reviews here.
  17. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    I'm wondering why p is not the challenge for you.
  18. nofapado

    nofapado Guest

    I was searching my memory for a Frank Zappa quote for Imout's journal. That's it: "Don't eat the yellow snow." ASG you are a genius.
  19. imout

    imout Active Member

    My ears are pricked, did I hear "Zappa"? Great Googely Moogely!
  20. Omega Man

    Omega Man Everything counts.

    That book is phenomenal. Choose something more specific, something you can quantify. Instead of "don't eat so much junk food and sweets" pick something you eat the most of. For example: "I will use half the sugar in my morning coffee" or "I will not eat that morning cinnamon roll".

    Start small and specific. Establish, then expand. I'm on a kick today to suggest daily walks, and I like the idea of establish new rather than resisting old, so I'll suggest your willpower goal can be "walk daily" :)

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