Breaking the habit to finally have real sex

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by johnnylea, Jul 10, 2021.

  1. johnnylea

    johnnylea Member

    I mentioned in my last update about seeing my ex with a new partner and how bitter a pill that was too me. The last 48 hours I’ve completely gone into my emotions and eat away at them and I can thankfully say I felt better somewhat. What’s put me next level is doing something I should have done long ago and deleted all trace of contact in my phone - from mobile number, text massage, WhatsApp and any other method. In addition to that I’ve also deleted a ton of photos I held onto for memories sakes. I can’t begin to describe the weight off my shoulders that’s left me, which I had no idea was there. Such simple acts as shutting contact down with no explanation has made me feel on top of the world for the time being.

    Truth be told seems I’ve been holding onto her one day getting back in touch and us rekindling the flame, we’ve talked here and there as we had an amicable break up and said we’d remain friendly but only because I initiate each time. Each time I also notice there would be less of a conversation and sometimes I wouldn’t even get a response back if I’m asked to update about my life and respond what I’m doing these days. So there’s been a long time of silence until I saw her with the new partner. Of course once more my understanding is my approval seeking which goes back to my parents, at the end of the day I need to see her in the light that she’s just a person, nothing pedestal awarding or special and has plenty of faults believe me - one being she’d argue till the cows come home over being right about stuff to come out on top and frankly can be an entitled brat who demands the world and gives no where near back. In retrospect it’s a relationship, despite loving her , that was far to up and down and we both did the right thing calling it off. Although whilst the love won’t go away, I can see it’s a love that comes from being treated like how my parents would treat me at times and that’s really the love I’ve got to stop looking for.

    have a great remainder of the week everyone.
    Bilbo Swaggins and -Luke- like this.
  2. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Hey johnnylea. I've found that feeling things in other areas of our lives leaches into our sexuality. You obviously love nature and tapping into that feeling can, and does, help our penises. Music is obviously great, as is reading, but it can be anything really. I recently started doing a bit of yoga and I find that primes my body in a sensual way. Also, living the life we want to live is a great aphrodisiac. So many people exist in low-level depressive state, powered down by doing things that hold little value to their soul. Another thing is trying to be perfect. Be the perfect son, the perfect boyfriend, the perfect lover. That is a lot of pressure and that pressure not only hits your stomach, but it also hits your gonads.

    My mom is dead now, but she was basically a cold drill sergeant. She could be warm, when she wanted to be, but mostly chose to be selfish and closed off. She obviously had poor life skills and coped the best way she knew how. She provided the necessaries of life, as did my dad, and so I love them for that. They didn't know how to be open and loving, because that was too big a risk for them. In other words, I see that my parents weren't perfect, but I love them anyway. :) Seeing them as flawed humans who were part of an ancient tradition of dysfunction, allowed me to enjoy their many good qualities and not look to them for my emotional well-being. It does suck when parents feel like an emotional bed of nails, but I'm guessing your parents do care about you, at least as much they're able.

    Allowing real emotion to inhabit our being means dropping our previous expectations, which are mostly based on us being perfect at everything. You're doing great! Stick with the program and in short-order your DE will be a thing of the past.
    Bilbo Swaggins likes this.
  3. johnnylea

    johnnylea Member

    Thanks for your feedback saville plenty for me to digest and contemplate there. Things go ok at the moment the biggest news in my everyday life is I’ve finally mustered the courage to move out of the sea side community I live in and return to living in my home town. Truth is I stayed where I am far too long and have become stagnant. Having reunited with childhood friends lately I once again felt a fullness inside me and decided to return home to my social circle - a social circle I have been without for a long time now. I live in a beautiful part of the country, yet I’ve never managed to nail a consistent solid social circle
    round here. It’s something that’s been deeply missing and resulting I feel in contributing to my PMO habit shut away by myself some nights. My options for job prospects will also increase dramatically as well as getting in touch with my roots again.

    onwards and forwards still.
    Bilbo Swaggins and Saville like this.
  4. Bilbo Swaggins

    Bilbo Swaggins Well-Known Member

    Good move! Sounds like you have great opportunities ahead of you. I find staying away from porn is much easier when you have projects, when you’re busy, meeting people, meeting women, etc. Good luck with this new start!
    johnnylea likes this.

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