Breaking free - a 120 days hard mode journal

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by BoughtWithBlood, May 5, 2020.

  1. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Real camaraderie right there!
     
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  2. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Thanks guys!

    Time to be a man.

    let’s go!
     
    CleanBootsBaby! likes this.
  3. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    Look who's got two days...I see you, bro, I see you...feeling the high-energy ;)

    [​IMG] (manly tears for men in development)
     
  4. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Sorry to disappoint brother, I relapsed that night :/
     
  5. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    No one will be disappointed in you as long as you don't give up. And we know you won't.
     
  6. Rudolf Geyse

    Rudolf Geyse Well-Known Member

    Try downloading this Metascript Method @BoughtWithBlood : https://universalman.com/free-guides/

    I find it's helping me a lot. the great thing is it's personal so you can customise it to what works for you. I don't agree with everything Queppet says but in your own Metascript journal you can add your own (spiritual) values. Please give it a shot if you're up to it. Hope it helps.
     
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  7. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

  8. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    So did my cousin, whom I am assisting in breaking free of another thing. When I say "do did", I don't mean disappointment - told him he shouldn't think about anything like that. Recommended him to dust off his clothes and move forward, because the danger is to become accepting of this condition and spend more time in this state.
     
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  9. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Yes you’re right. I often enter this victim mentality and by doing so I accept the condition. Dusting off the clothes and going again :)
     
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  10. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    “ The root of all your self-created problems come down to one simple reality: You act poorly because you give yourself permission to act poorly.”

    Wow, this one hit hard. I can’t blame anyone else for the mess I’m in.
     
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  11. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Some cravings and horniness today. Not giving in. When a thought pops up to rationalize the behavior I say out loud: “ I will not allow it “ and that’s that.
     
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  12. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    [​IMG]

    We are to take each dangerous thought captive, aren't we? Great job!
     
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  13. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Had a great evening with friends last night. Chatting, having a beer. Playing some forza and laughing really hard because of how bad me and a friend were, constantly crashing haha.

    I love how I’m able to be disciplined about my alcohol use for quite a while now. I set the limit of maximum 2 drinks and I’ve kept that for months now. This gives me confidence that I can make good decisions and stick with them.

    Went to the gym this morning, this also boosts confidence and makes me feel good.

    Almost too ashamed to admit but I got triggered by quite a few teenage girls (like 16 or 17 yo) on bikes this morning. The stuff they wear these days just shows off the curves and skin. Was hard to not look, but I managed. I don’t want to be some perv in his 30’s looking at girls that are way too young for him. Sometimes I wish our culture wasn’t as sexualized as it is, but it is. Complaining won’t help me. I have to be a man and conquer these weaknesses.

    No cravings now, which is great :) probably because I didn’t allow myself to really look. There’s a difference between seeing and looking. Before I would feel like I had already failed if I was tempted or if I saw something triggering, because “I shouldn’t have these feelings”. But you can’t control what your body reacts to, you can only control your decisions that follow.
     
  14. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Made it through yesterday eventhough the cravings were quite intense in the evening.

    Today is alright, but I feel a lot of anger and frustration pend up inside. I just want to break things, but I’m keeping myself in control.
     
  15. big54

    big54 Active Member

    You ever try working out? When I felt that way a few weeks ago I worked out 6 days a week. It helped a lot.
     
  16. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    I actually worked out yesterday morning. Building it back up again. So 2 times a week now but want to build back to 4 times a week.
     
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  17. CleanBootsBaby!

    CleanBootsBaby! Active Member

    You guys motivate even my old ass to get in the gym :D.
     
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  18. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Feeling like an absolute beast today. So much agressive energy (but in a good way). Must be the testosteron spiking due to almost a week of abstinence and lifting weights again.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2021
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  19. big54

    big54 Active Member

    You got this bro, 1 week down!
     
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  20. BoughtWithBlood

    BoughtWithBlood Well-Known Member

    Feeling completely different from yesterday. Rather low on energy now. Overthinking a lot, especially things related to my faith. I think that’s good, have to know what I believe in and why.

    Not much cravings today. Some flue-like symptoms, probably withdrawal related but idk. Only moment I had was in the shower where I felt the urge to touch myself. Instead of going along with it, I tried to ask myself where that urge came from? And I realized it was because I did not want to leave the shower and do any work or chores. I was then able to see it for what it is: escapism. By doing this it was rather easy to resist and go about my day.
     

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