Currently I feel like I’m exploring uncharted waters. An adventure through what life is about and has to offer. An adventure through who I am and want to become. It’s fun, exciting, exhilarating even. But I also feel scared, uncertain and homesick. Another analogy would be that I feel like I’m learning to walk without my crutches for the first time. I’m stepping forward, into a new chapter, but I’m wobbly and don’t have my safety. Will I be alright without my crutches? Today I had cravings. This desire to go back ‘home’ to experience the pleasures porn has to offer. How great it would feel to lose myself in that mindnumbing behavior... and how bad I would feel afterwards. Not being able to go on with my adventure. Not reaching my full potential. The time lost. The guild. The shame. Etc. I have no choice but to move forward. It’s in my blood, my DNA. I’m an explorer, an adventurer. Stoked about these unfamiliar shores.