Hello everyone, Let’s start off with introducing myself. I’m a 31 year male who has been familiar with nofap and the dangers of porn for about 7 years now. I’ve done quite a few streaks (some longer than others) and I’ve come quite far from where I was. However, I’m still not where I want to be so there is work to be done. I used to have problems ranging from substance abuse/addiction (amfetamine, xtc, cocaine, ritalin, weed), nicotine addiction, a drinking problem, really bad addiction to videogames and PMO’ing almost every day to where I am now. When I was around 20 years old I pretty much hit rock bottom. I had severe ED and sexual anxiety because of it. If I came into a situation where I could have sex I would tremble and have a panic attack and try to get out of it, or I would get myself drunk and under the influence of drugs in order to try to have sex. Only to (semi)fail because of PIED and/or DE. I would then blame the alcohol and drugs, go home for a porn binge and be able to get hard and orgasm. I had bad social anxiety, I felt depressed and going crazy. Sleep paralysis. Afraid I was losing my sanity. Really bad ADD and suffering from panic attacks. I began my journey into self improvement and trying to make something out of my life when I was 20, jobless, failed my school/study and about to be kicked out of the house I was living in with my sister and her man and their kid. If it wasn’t for God to provide me a way out, I would have ended up in the gutter. I used up all the money my parents had saved for me and had nothing to show for. I was lost, so I prayed. Looking back, my story is very similar to ‘the parable of the lost son’ written in Luke 15:11-32. I really recommend you to read that story since it truly shows the heart of God; A loving father. Not some far away, sitting in the clouds angry god, waiting to pour out his wrath on you for your failures. But patient and kind. Looking for relationship, not religion. I was able to live with my parents again, overseas and started working on myself. I got a job, finished school to become a chef and a little over 2 years later I came back to my homecountry to further learn how to become a better chef. I almost kicked my substance abuse then. And continued with the rest. Over the years God helped me conquer it all, but porn is still a work in progress. I’ve had some good streaks and really have seen the fruit from it (had some 60 days, two streaks of around 80 days and 1 nearing a 100 days of no PMO). That was a couple of years ago though, and these last couple of years I haven’t been more than a month porn-free. Usually looking it up an average of once a week. I’m no longer the porn addict that I used to be, but I’m still a problem user. I have a girlfriend now. We started dating about a year ago and she is very supportive and helps me a great deal in battling this. She was a friend for years before we actually started dating but I only told her of my porn problem when we were dating for a couple of weeks. I wanted her to know who I was and give her a chance to step out before she got really hurt by finding out eventually. She thanked me for telling her and told me that, eventhough it was hard for her, she wouldn’t bail on me. It only made her resolve stronger to stay close to me and help me and didn’t want me to battle this alone anymore. She is absolute gold Right now I’m pretty much cured from PIED. Even cuddling can make me hard. DE is gone as well. We did have succesful sex together, but we found out that having sex before marriage usually leads to feelings of guilt and it pressures our relationships in ways that are hurting us. So we decided to wait with that until we get married. I don’t want to bring this P problem into marriage though. It affects how I look at her and my dream and goal in life is to be a great husband and a loving, present father. I feel like porn has to go, in order to get the marriage she and my future children deserve. I also need it for myself, to reach my full potential. What lead up to creating an account here: I have been having burn-out symptoms due too work and stress from the constant rollercoaster of P usage and the guilt/shame/helplessness feelings. This lead to being very tired and a weakened immune system. Then I got Covid 19 disease and I felt so bad that I thought I was going to die, add in panic attacks while feeling really sick and I thought I was heading to hell, that I lost my salvation by wasting it on sexual immorality. The meds I was using (a.o. to breathe better) amplified my fears and restlessness and worsened my lack of being able to eat or hold food in. As a skinny men I don’t have a lot of reserves so I lost 7 kg’s of bodyweight and felt really weak because of it. I learned some very valuable lessons in going through that though. I needed to be pulled out of every day life and find out what truly matters to me. In a way, getting sick was a blessing. There is a song about this called: ‘See a victory’ from elevation worship. It says: “you take what the enemy meant for evil, and you turn it for good”. I believe it’s based on Romans 8:28 and something that I can really hang on to through every storm in life. The rules I set up for myself: When waking up, start meditation first for 15 minutes. Read the word of God (bible) Go for a shower and pray Make breakfast Now you can use your phone No social media, ever (easy cause I quit this long ago) No entertainment (youtube, netflix, videogames, etc) during the day. Only in the evenings Workout 6 days a week to rebuild muscle, strength and resolve Take walk every day No sexual stimuli. (No porn, no touching of self other than washing or pee’ing, no sexual fantasy, no looking with lust at woman, no orgasms, no sexual acts with GF) This is for 120 days, to beat my last record. Now onto my journal: I am now on day 4 since my last time of looking up and edging to porn. I feel pretty good today. Woke up and meditated, read my bible, went for a shower and ended with cold water. Had some porn flashbacks so immediately went out of the house for a walk, it’s a beautiful day today. I told my GF about it too, which helped. She was supportive and proud as usual . Got home did some exercises (push ups today) and now the flashbacks are completely gone. Thought I’d write this journal to get through the days, be accountable and be able to read back on where I am and where I want to be going. If you’re reading this, I just want to say thank you for taking the time! I wish you a very good day. Stay strong, we’re in this together! Let me know if I can do anything to help you.