Break on through to the other side

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Totally agree with @-Luke-. Sure, it's not like the slip doesn't matter at all, but all the good stuff that happened before and after that is just something that's a whole lot more important. And I think that says a whole lot more about how you are doing right now. I guess we all feel down or dissappointed after a slip and pay too much attention to what goes wrong.
    Gil79 and Pete McVries like this.
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @-Luke- and @Living! The slip didn't make me feel bad. I didn't feel any mental or physical consequences nor shame, guilt and regret. That is good, but also a bit risky. I have been here before and it lowers my boundaries for another slip, and another one, which ofcourse will make me feel bad. Last night I had another meeting of a committee I am in and it went very well. When I came home it almost felt justified to watch porn. Fortunately I didn't. Now I am very thankful for not doing that cause I am having a really good day.

    As you guys say, recovery is not abstaining. Not watching porn is just one aspect of this great present we are giving ourselves by putting ourselves first.
    NCBob likes this.
  3. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Yeah, part of our shitty brain works like that:) What seems to help me is keeping in touch with why I am doing this. I like to say my goal is not abstaining from porn, abstaining from porn is the result of trying have a more fulfilling life. But sometimes I do lose sight of that and that's when I'm more at risk. Therefore keeping in touch with why I am doing this is so important. These days I try to do that by at least once a day thinking of a reason why I do what I do. Not sure if it works, but I like to think so;)
  4. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    It's progress, not perfection, Gil79. Sounds like you're making great progress:)
  5. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    I know that feeling of wanting it and using it no question asked. That feeling seemed to always be emphasized when I had a bad day and if I had some alcohol. A few beers can make that "fuck it" response so strong.

    I hope this won't affect you too much. You definitely have what it takes to deal with a slip. And you've got a lot of good stuff to keep building on !

    So be like Bob the Builder, and keep building !

    Last edited: Jan 31, 2020
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @Living, @NCBob and @Thelongwayhome27!

    Today a very angry day and I feel how it is connected to the slip. It is good that I feel the effects of it, so I know to stay away from porn.

    @Thelongwayhome27, you made my day with your Bob the builder post! Lol. I can go to sleep now with a smile on my face.
    Living likes this.
  7. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member


    One pattern I have clearly seen in my relapses (especially after decent clean spells) is that I don't feel too bad the day after. Sometimes I even feel good, relaxed, positive, social. But then, the next days are much harder and a depression/regret/anxiety often sets in. If I justify that initial good feeling to indulge more the depression comes worst. Similarly, the depression itself makes the craving to act again stronger (combined with the chaser).

    I think an explanation can be that the first day we really get that dopamine effect and we are truly relaxed and calmed (it's stronger since we haven't had it for a while) - it serves it's purpose of letting us release all that built up tension. As if we took a medication (with the relapse). But it's a very short term solution with secondary effects that come soon enough. And for a person who is/has been addicted he soon reaches the level of tolerance so quick. Hence less good feelings and only the depression anxiety.
    Gil79 and Pete McVries like this.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yeah, there's definitely a delay effect. And then way later even the PAWS. It is a detrimental hobby. Fortunately I was able to leave it for what it was and have been feeling good after my angry Monday. I am having a good mindset lately, also cause of better sleep. Small workouts also working well. Just 5 to 10 minutes a day since January and already feeling a lot fitter and stronger.
    Living and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  9. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    Glad to hear that, it all makes a difference. What type of workouts are you doing, weights, running or something else?
  10. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Cool. What kind of stuff do you do?
  11. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    @forlorn and @Living, I do all sorts of exercises I can do to train all my musclegroups without weights. Pullups, pushups, situps, planking, lunges, etc. My minimum is 1 exercise a day and then 3 cycles until exhaustion. It just takes 5 to 10 minutes a day. This keeps it easy to, bug still see great progress. Also quite some running lately after the kids are in bed.
  12. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Awesome! I have actually started doing daily pushups and planking myself since a couple of weeks. Nothing big, but I thought I could spare the couple of minutes it takes and it does make me feel good. So that was kinda curious what you did:) I'm not going to add something right now, but perhaps I will in time.
    Gil79 likes this.
  13. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    If you want to add something new, go for a pulling exercise (like body rows (even without equipment you can try it with a table), pullups, band rows,...) In the long run doing "only" a pushing exercise like pushups might lead to muscular imbalances and posture problems.

    I'm a big fan of small workouts, too. You can do a lot of stuff in 10 minutes.
    Gil79 and Living like this.
  14. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Thanx for the advice man! I would love to do pullups, but that's kinda hard in my house. I actually go the gym (one or) two times a week and since I have switched to rowing as my cardio exercise, I think I have the pulling exercise pretty much covered:)
    Gil79 likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Been living really healthy the last couple of weeks. Eating vegan, cold showering and working out and/or running every day. Sleep is also really improving. I think that all of this kind of triggered my immune system cause on Friday I got very sick. Lots of vomiting at night and a whole day in bed. I could hardly move and could not eat or drink. My poor wife had a very busy day woth the kids. But then this morning I woke up super fit. I feel very strong and energized. It almost felt like my body was purging stuff. Well, let's see. I keep going like this. I feel a strong urge to live healthy lately. My porn slip a couple of weeks ago feels very distant, but I need to stay vigilant.
    -Luke- and Fish Hawk like this.
  16. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    I've heard others say similar things when they cut meat from their diets (i.e. they feel more energised). I think I could be vegetarian at a push, but vegan would be difficult, requires a lot more effort and meal planning.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    The last week my energy went down though. Also exercise way worse. Running OK though. I keep eating enough protein I think from soy and chickpeas, but maybe my body has to adapt.

    Not so active here any more. Locking my smartphone away most of the time. Using a dumbphone now mostly. This gives me time for a bit of reading daily.

    Otherwise all good. Things still quite challenging with the kids, work, etc, but managing quite well. looking forward to spring/ better weather......

    BTW next week I go for a long 2-day walk with a friend of mine. Two days out of the chaos and no women or children. Whoa, really can't wait :)
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2020
    nuclpow and Fish Hawk like this.
  18. forlorn

    forlorn Well-Known Member

    LOL @ dumbphone. Your planned walk sounds great - a chance to rejuvenate, reconnect with a friend and generally take a little time out. Enjoy.
    Gil79 likes this.
  19. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Ok, so what happened to your username and especially that profile pic.

    you gotta be kidding me!
    Gil79 likes this.
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Haha, LOL. And same for your journal title :D.

    Nice to have you back!

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