Break on through to the other side

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Seems you're really well at the time, that's great.

    How much of an impact did the breathing exercises have on your life, if you had to rate in comparison to other habits?
     
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    There was a period, right before coming to YBR in 2012 that I was really stuck. The breathing exercises really helped me to get going again. They helped me to get rid of emotional baggage and become positive about life in general and people. Now I am doing only short exercises, but really want to pick up the AOL ones again. They make a major difference in how I feel throughout the day and connect to people.
     
  3. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 0/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 0/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 2/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 8/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Exercise: 9/10
    Intimacy wife: 4/10
    Interaction with men: 6/10
    Mindfulness: 7/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 1/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 7/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: having (had) access to education. Lately I am very much aware of the luxury position I have been in whole my life: freedom, education, food, water, housing, etc.

    What I need most right now: keep breathing and midful througout the day.

    No approval seeking lately, but notice that when I do stuff that I am doing anyway, that I really anticipate on what others think of it. Wonder how to het rid of that.....
     
    Living likes this.
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 1/10
    Approval seeking: 5/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 5/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 1/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 5/10
    Healthy food: 9/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 4/10
    Interaction with men: 5/10
    Mindfulness: 5/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 0/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: yes

    Grateful for: the ladies at daycare taking such good care of our kids

    What I need most right now: short meditation and then sleep
     
    Bezoechow likes this.
  5. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    I see, about the breathing exercises.

    What would you say is a good starting point.
    Wim Hoff kind of worries me a bit.
     
  6. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have been doing cold showers, or rather first warm showers and ending it with a minute of cold water, for four days in a row now. It's not that bad, I guess I can get used to that. Like I said, I'm still a bit of skeptic. I've read somewhere that after 40 days you will be able to pull trucks with your teeth and then eat them. I'm often a bit reluctant with things like that. Although it might be good with some ketchup. I also tried the breathing stuff. That's pretty intense.
     
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Cold showers are awesome! For me the idea is not to be religious about it, but to use it as another tool in our tool belt. I don't do them every day anymore, but I still have them weekly. Also, sometimes I just have a cool shower, instead of freezing cold. We are in charge, it isn't all or nothing. However, cold showers (and variations of them) help us to change our habits and foster new pathways.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    These breathing exercises can be quite intense. In the beginning they can give a lot of discomfort due to saturation/ undersaturation of O2 en CO2. But always leave you with a relieve/ relaxation in the end. I'd start with pranayama and bhastrika exercises. Check google. This one may be nice, seems he talks about Wim Hof too.

    What I like about the more intense ones though is that you can start with a busy mind and be relaxed in the end. So, more instant effect like when you go for a run. For other more subtile ones you kind of have to be zen already.
     
    MissingSelfCompassion likes this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    That truck story is really true. I am now often asked to help to tow trucks :D

    I start the showers cold, but I have to make the decision to do so already in the living room. I go to the shower, undress, and step under it. If I have to decided on the spot and start doubting it doesn't work. I go for 5-10 minutes until I just start shivering lightly. I have pushed it too much a couple of times in winter and couldn't warm up anymore whole morning. The benefits I see: I feel like I can conquer the world and that feeling lasts the whole morning, I have way less anxious sweat at work, and it makes me breath way better in general.

    'they' say that it is also good for your immune system, cardiovascular system and your skin.

    But as I said before, I have had quite bad strain in my back and rib muscles. It is very important that you keep breathing deeply and relax every muscle during the shower. Concentrating on that also keeps your mind away from the cold.
     
  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Sleeping so good lately and I notice it in everything: more patience, more positive and way more effective at work. Also the kids are all angels at the moment. I also feel more relaxed and midful. Also because of the health monitoring I think. I am able to breath deeply throughout the day and be aware and correct for tension in my (left) leg, arm and shoulder.

    Didn't do my health monitoring yesterday. Was very sleepy and decided to read some NMMNG and go to sleep. I have to stay aware of my approval seeking. Lately I am not changing my behaviour to get approval or to please, but I do notice that when I do stuff, that I wonder what others think of it (in terms of approval; oh wow he did a really great job, he is such a great father, etc.). This is really deep. When I think about it, being 40 years old and still depending on other's approval, it is crazy. All those years I have been so emotionally immature and right now I have to learn things that actually you should learn way earlier. Well, better late than never!

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 4/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 3/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 1/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 9/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 6/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 6/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 7/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: internet and all the useful stuff that is available there

    What I need most right now: stay mindful and have a nice and relaxing day. Today is my day at home with the twins. It is nice weather, so I will take them for a long walk, or maybe try to work a bit in the garden with them in the stroller.
     
    Bezoechow likes this.
  11. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Hard work's paying off! Now that sleep is getting better I can see you're reaping the benefits of staying mindful and focussed through harder times.
     
  12. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    I think most people, whether they are in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s or beyond are seeking the approval of others at least to some extent.
    If you stand out then not because you're approval seeking, but because you have _identified_ approval seeking as something you'd like to work on.

    And what the hell is NMMNG? My guess is it starts with "Nice Men?"

    Thanks for the breathing exercises.
     
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @trapped7

    No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover :)

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 4/10
    Approval seeking: 4/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 2/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 5/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 7/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Interaction with men: 5/10
    Mindfulness: 6/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 6/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 7/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: my daughters beautiful smile

    What I need most right now: relax and sleep
     
    Bezoechow likes this.
  14. MissingSelfCompassion

    MissingSelfCompassion Active Member

    I like your monitoring. It's simple and to the point.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 6/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 1/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 2/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 5/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 5/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 7/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 6/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 7/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: yes

    Grateful for: the few but delicious apples on our apple tree

    What I need most right now: short meditation and sleep. In general: keep up the breathing and cold showers. They keep in a real nice mental and physiological state.
     
    Bezoechow and Outsider. like this.
  16. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Woke up at 4AM and couldnt fall asleep anymore. After one hour or so I started fantasizing and masturbating. Got myself together, stopped it and got up. Lately waking up at 4 or 5 AM and not able to sleep anymore, even though the babies do let me! I guess I just need less sleep now. I get through the days fine. Note to self: when you wake up, get up and do breathing exercises. You can always go back to sleep afterwards!

    Ok, just had my coffee, now for a cold shower :confused::confused::confused:.
     
    Bezoechow and Saville like this.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yesterday too long day with too much coffee, too much anger and too much FPM. Had a really good night sleep though. Now rested, buy still angry. Sure I can turn that around today.

    Yesterday good day on correcting myself when I had the tendency to look for approval or care about the opinion of others.

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 6/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 6/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 0/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 1/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 1/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Exercise: 5/10
    Intimacy wife: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 3/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 4/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: the beautiful starry sky we had yesterday

    What I need most right now: stay mindful of my anger
     
    Bezoechow likes this.
  18. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn suggests that when we feel sad or angry we smile while breathing in deeply three times. I've found it a useful intervention. :)
     
  19. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Anger is my number one trigger for porn relapses. Hope you're coping well!
     
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @Saville and @Bezoechow!

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 6/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 3/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 0/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 3/10
    Phone use & TV: 1/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 7/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Exercise: 5/10
    Intimacy wife: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 2/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 2/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: no
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: getting along well with in law family

    What I need most right now: take it easy and do breathing exercises
     

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