Break on through to the other side

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    9 PM and all kids sleeping! Did some breathing exercises. Now nice and relaxed to go to sleep.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 4/10
    Approval seeking: 4/10
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 7/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 6/10
    Phone use: 2/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 1/10
    Mindfulness: 6/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 5/10

    Grateful for: the nice healthy meal I cooked and ate tonight. It is crazy what a luxury it is to be able to eat so well every day for almost no money.

    What I need most right now: sleep and stay calm
     
    Pete McVries likes this.
  2. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Another inspiring journal. I can relate to your issues with anger and your resentment towards your dad. Still I see that you're building a great life for yourself. Three children! That's amazing. Keep up the good work!
     
  3. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Hey statisticsman79,

    Good work, it seems you're seeing where you're making progress and where you need to make more very clearly.
    Keep it up.
     
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @Bezoechow. Likewise for your journal. The last 2 weeks I feel that I get my head around the situation with my dad. That I start understanding what I feel and why. Quitting PMO is one of the reasons I get these intense feelings about him. PMO is a way to deal with an unacceptable situation .... at the cost of ourselves. If I want to stay clean, I have to deal with these feelings. I have to forgive him, but I can only do that by telling/ writing him what I feel. And it doesnt mean we'll ever be close.

    Thanks @trapped7. I like my new nickname :D. The monitoring really helps. Easy to do and keeps reminding of whats important for my health during the day. Couple of times I noticed my tendency for approval seeking (pleasing women) today, but was able to correct myself quickly.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 2/10
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 6/10
    Phone use: 2/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 6/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 5/10

    Grateful for: living in good health

    What I need most right now: calm down the mind

    Felt really good today. Lust for life. But also recognize this as part of reboot I had more often, followed up by a day of feeling extremely down. We'll see.....

    Picked up cold showers a couple of weeks ago. Still going well. Often I quit in winter cause it gives me strain in rib muscles. Have to stay relaxed by controlled breathing to continue through winter.....
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
    Living and Bezoechow like this.
  5. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Hi Gil,

    you have been monitoring for a while now. Are there any interesting finds yet?
     
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hi, thanks. Yes definitely. I manage to be aware of my behaviour better throughout the day, taking action when needed. Will writr more about it later when I hava a bit more time.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 5/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 0/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 6/10
    Phone use: 2/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Grateful for: my friend T who is coming with me to Germany for my groin hernia surgery.

    What I need most right now: realise I am doing well and should not overthink things or compare myself to others
     
    Living and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  7. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Just a question about your stats:

    Some of our stats are rated positively (10 being best), others negatively (0 being best), right?

    So that means that for instance in "approval seeking" you did very well (0/10). Correct? (Otherwise it would make me worried that's you
    re being too nice ;)

    If that's so, then your stats are looking pretty good at the time, overall.

    And I agree, we should only compare ourselves to ourselves. Comparing to others is not really helpful, unless it inspires us to some degree.
     
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yeah, thats a bit confusing, but indeed as you say. Want to divide into 2 groups: energy yielding and energy taking, but didnt get to that yet.... yes, all in all doing quite well :) .... except for some acting out yesterday :oops:

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 7/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 0/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 7/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 6/10
    Phone use: 2/10
    Intimacy wife: 4/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 1/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing excercise: yes

    Grateful for: my sister and 2 beautiful cousins. Such great boys. I hope they will stand strong against HSIP. They are 11 and 14. Their father is an asshole and moved out of their town recently. Unfirtunately I also live quite far away, as I want to be there for them. The youngest told me that he wish that I was his father.

    What I need most right now: keep breathing deeply
     
    A New Man, Pete McVries and Bezoechow like this.
  9. NCBob

    NCBob The 11th commandment: Thou shalt not peek:-)

    I agree, the deep breathing is the most important part:) Keep up the great work!
     
  10. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    Ok, well I'm glad I don't have to worry about you being too nice too much.

    Are you doing your cold showers because of Wim Hoff?
    If so, "we found a way to tap into the autonomic nervous system!"

    Anyway I tried for a few days a month ago, and in conjunction with Aircon I caught a cold.
    But other than that I actually thought they were great, and definitely felt better after taking one.
     
  11. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    :D

    Yeah, I once quit before cause I got sick. Then in winter it is more difficult to start new again. At the moment the cold water is still around 15 degrees C I think, so good to keep the momentum going. This morning it took me 30 seconds to get calm, but then I couldn't stop anymore. It feels so energizing.

    And yeah, also doing the Wim Hof breathing exercises now. They are shorter and easier to do then my AOL exercises I used to do.
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Had an amazing 6h sleep straight. Felt awesome this morning, but after lunch already tired. Had another cold shower in the afternoon and went for a walk with the kids. Felt way better. Also called another friend of mine which I didn't speak to for a long time. Was really nice. Should just call people more often. I have not really been a good friend for my friends for a long time, but notice how satisfying and important it is. Should call my old friends more often. I realize I really miss having good friends close by. I need that kind of interaction badly. Just hang around, drinking a beer, or even no alcohol and just be myself and speak unfiltered.

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 1/10
    Approval seeking: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 1/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 2/10
    Phone use & TV: 2/10
    Tendency to hide: 2/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 7/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 5/10
    Interaction with men: 8/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 5/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes

    Grateful for: my wife taking good care of herself and always looking pretty.

    What I need most right now: Sleep..zzzzz
     
    Bezoechow, A New Man and Outsider. like this.
  13. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    Okay, cold showers, what do they bring to your life? I have been half-interested in them for a long while, but because it's also a thing that some of the more batexcrecement crazy people on the board seem to do I have been a bit of a skeptic too. I'm all for enriching my life and am willing to make sacrifices, but I also value warm water flowing down my body. So, just curious, what's exactly the deal with this self-torture?:)
     
  14. trapped7

    trapped7 "what you resist persists"

    I agree talking to old friends is important. I'm usually reluctant to initiate contact, but in general it feels good afterwards, having talked.
    I'll give cold showers a shot again.

    Did turning 40 make you think at all btw? I suppose, since you have family and kids and also a nice career, you basically are where you want to be in many regards?
     
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Haha, just give it a try and you'll know. But you'll have to go through the initial shock to fully appreciate. Or go to a sauna and follow the whole protocol including the cold bath. It energizes and relaxes.
     
    Living likes this.
  16. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I guess that it did make me think and still does. In a way it made me want to move from what is expected from me to what I really want, both in personal relationships (eg my father) and career. I do have what I want, and more than that, and I am very grateful for that. But I have so much to do at personal development level. At that level I feel very immature.
     
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    At work I was confronted with my nice guy syndrom. I saw a young woman in the hallway. I had no sexual feelings or anything. It felt wrong to be with her in the hallway and I had the feeling she was thinking I was a perv and had no right to be there. I know how weird it sounds amd how irrational it is. Got to keep working on this.......

    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 2/10
    Approval seeking: 5/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 1/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 4/10
    Phone use & TV: 4/10
    Tendency to hide: 2/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 6/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Exercise: 6/10
    Intimacy wife: 6/10
    Interaction with men: 5/10
    Mindfulness: 4/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 3/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 5/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: yes

    Grateful for: living close by a beautiful dune area which is amazing to go for walks with kids

    What I need most right now: another good night sleep
     
    Bezoechow likes this.
  18. Bezoechow

    Bezoechow Member

    Jealous! I love the dunes but we've got none where I'm living now. Hope you and your kids will have a lot of fun there :)
     
  19. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    I have tried it and agree with it being energizing, but it takes time (and torture) to really get used to it. Perhaps I can give it another shot:)
     
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Felt awesome yesterday. Sleeping is better every night and I really begin to notice now. Babies also better on theirselves, dont have to carry them around all the time anymore. Worked like crazy in the garden yesterday to get it ready for the winter and cut eveything short to avoid the mice coming in when it gets colder. In the evening for a long walk with the kids. The physical exercise made me really zen. Did some breathing exercises after kids were asleep and fell asleep instantly myself. Now again super good night. Physically tired of gardening now, but havent felt this rested in half a year.

    It is quite unique where I live. Will move though cause house prices are crazy high, and schools are not really good (quite some problems with the youth here). But for now it is really great, especially this season with all the colors and many migrating birds.

    Yeah, in the early morning it can be really tough to step under the cold shower. Let's see how it will go this winter :rolleyes:

    __________________________________
    Daily Health Monitoring:

    taking energy
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 0/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 0/10
    Non sexual fantasies: 2/10
    Phone use & TV: 4/10
    Tendency to hide: 0/10

    yielding energy
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 8/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Exercise: 9/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Interaction with men: 7/10
    Mindfulness: 7/10
    Reading/ wood carving: 5/10
    Positive attitude towards others: 6/10

    Cold shower: yes
    Breathing exercise: yes
    Intermittent fasting: no

    Grateful for: having a garden

    What I need most right now: another coffee :D


    So, everything good, except intimacy wife. Got to work on that.......
     
    Living, Outsider., Saville and 2 others like this.

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