Break on through to the other side

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Had a great day. Tiring though and feel like watching P. Why? Because it is in my system. What I really need is rest. Goodnight guys.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 1/10
    Approval seeking: 2/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 8/10
    Healthy food: 7/10
    Excercise: 6/10
    Phone use: 3/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 2/10
    Interaction with men: 10/10
    Mindfulness: 3/10
     
  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 0/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 8/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 3/10
    Intimacy wife: 1/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 6/10
    Interaction with men: 1/10
    Mindfulness: 3/10

    Grateful for a beautiful day with my wife and children.
     
    A New Man and Thelongwayhome27 like this.
  3. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    How does your scale work ? 9/10 means that good ? 0/ 10 means that's bad? The higher the number the better?- -- or is it the other way? I am asking about the first number.
     
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    It is a scale of intensity. 0/10 FPMO means no acting out. 1 is e.g. a bit of ogling or fantasy. 10 is long PMO binge. It is all to see whether I am in a danger zone. With low values for e.g. healthy food and time for self, and high values for e.g. phone use and approval seeking, I know I have to take action.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 1/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 7/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 3/10
    Intimacy wife: 4/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 6/10
    Interaction with men: 1/10
    Mindfulness: 3/10
     
  5. Bobo

    Bobo Well-Known Member

    Hmm-- thank you.
     
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Spend 4 days at home with the kids. Fucking exhausted. Whole day today felt close to beaking down. Felt like going crazy. I need a break. I need sleep. My body needs rest. I need to be alone or with male friends. I feel guilty of saying this. I am grateful and all for what I have, but I just go nuts. Snapped at my wife a couple of times, so now she's angry. Oh fuck. Crazy. Tomorrow work again fortunately. Maybe that solves everything.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 7/10
    Approval seeking: 1/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 2/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 5/10
    Intimacy wife: 0/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 7/10
    Interaction with men: 2/10
    Mindfulness: 2/10
     
    Boxer17 and Pete McVries like this.
  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Feeling extremely down today. In combination with the frustration of yesterday I think it must be porn withdrawal. Will have to sit it out.
     
    nuclpow likes this.
  8. Pete McVries

    Pete McVries Active Member

    Sending you some strength! You are a good man and a role-model! Your wife and kids are lucky to have someone like you!

    Hang in there!
     
    Bezoechow, Gil79, nuclpow and 2 others like this.
  9. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks so much @Pete McVries ! That means a lot to me.

    This evening I felt way better. Calm. A day at work felt good. Nice long walk in the evening with oldest son and daughter. Made out with my wife. Feel like more and she as well.

    What I felt was definitely a combination of exhaustion and porn withfrawal. My brain is rebalancing..... again....

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 0/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 1/10
    Approval seeking: 3/10
    Assertiveness: 7/10
    Time for self: 7/10
    Healthy food: 6/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 5/10
    Intimacy wife: 5/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 6/10
    Interaction with men: 5/10
    Mindfulness: 2/10

    Exercise = walking and baby-lifting whole day. I feel my body aching every evening. But dying to do some cardio. Maybe tomorrow.....
     
  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    So last night in bed I thought fuck it, it has been long enough. I kissed my wife and grabbed her ass. She first said she was sleepy, but I knew she wanted it too. I kept kissing amd touching and before I knew it she was giving me head. Got a condom, checked the expiration date (cause no more kids!!!:D) and had a really good time. Wife said she had one of the best orgasms ever. I said, no wonder after half a year no sex. She said, don't even start about it. When we were laying there on our backs, her surrendered with her head in my arms, I finally felt like a man and husband again. next week the babies are starting daycare. We have to find a new rhythm. I need to make regular sex with my wife part of that new rhythm.

    Rest of night was terrible in terms of sleep. Woke up many times and also wutj sexual famtasies. Have to be aware of chaser....
     
    Bezoechow, nuclpow, A New Man and 2 others like this.
  11. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    You did well @Gil79 it's been too much time. I guess you're tired now because of the lack of sleep but at least you eventually made love to your wife! She needs to feel desired again, as a women, so it's a good thing you took this initiative. Keep going on!
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I was tired today, but with a smile on my face :D

    Sexual fantasies here and there....

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 2/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 2/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 3/10
    Intimacy wife: 10/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 4/10
    Interaction with men: 2/10
    Mindfulness: 3/10
     
  13. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Now we had sex again, the birth control topic came up this morning. We don't want more kids. Vasectomy came up as well. My first reaction is NO WAY!! But condoms are also not 100% safe and my wife doesnt want to take the birth control pill. What do you guys use? .... except for porn then, which may be the best birth control :p
     
    Outsider. likes this.
  14. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    IUD but it makes my wife tired, losing a lot of blood and having longer blood period (10/11 days...). I'm also wondering what to do...
    Vasectomy pops up in my mind those days as well :oops::D:p
     
    Last edited: Aug 27, 2019
    Gil79 likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    They say it doesn't really affect you, but somehow afraid it will. Especially considering sexual energy stuff.... don't know. Guess I should just look into it a bit more.....
     
  16. Outsider.

    Outsider. Turning Simple Disciplines Into Massive Success

    Yup same for me. I didn't take time to read about vasectomy but, even at least psychologicaly I feel like it's like removing a part of our manliness (and manliness is one of the things PMO addict can miss and need the most).
    Secondly, I tell myself: vasectomy while I only have sex twice or 3 times a months, even less sometimes... Is that really worth it? But on the other side, I have more than enough with 4 kids, no more kids, even if I get married to another wife one day, who knows. My wife is wondering if she removes her IUD, to get shorter periods and be less tired, but in this case we'd use condoms... I'm not sure I'll be ok with that, it's been a very long time since I last used them with her.
     
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    So probably without the IUD your sex life would improve.... just checked some stuff about vasectomy. There is a chance for chronic pains afterwards. Difficult.
     
  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Satisfying day. At work in the canteen I was going to join a table when I realized it was only women at that table. Decided it would be better to look for some guys to sit with. Somehow I created a life in which I only interact with women, especially now that everything is babies and daycare and stuff. Anyway I chose a table with only men. Felt a bit nervous to dp so, because I didnt know these guys that well. Turned put to be really good. Nice conversations and laughs. I should do this more often and get more comfortable around guys. Sounds weird maybe, this is really my nice guy syndrom.

    Interaction with my wife is reallu good now we had sex again. More polar. Nice conversations and discussions and I can see she feels attracted to me.

    Daily Health Monitoring:
    FPMO: 1/10
    Self-pity & blaming: 0/10
    Approval seeking: 3/10
    Assertiveness: 8/10
    Time for self: 6/10
    Healthy food: 8/10
    Excercise: 7/10
    Phone use: 3/10
    Intimacy wife: 6/10
    Perceive world as threatening: 4/10
    Interaction with men: 10/10
    Mindfulness: 3/10
     
  19. nuclpow

    nuclpow Active Member

    So even having sex, being married, and trying to quit fantasy and porn, you can still have unwanted sex fantasies. Good to know, and good thing I'm trying to quit well before I get married.
     
    Gil79 likes this.
  20. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yeah, fantasy is part of the addiction. Just like porn it releases the tasty brain chemicals. It is a way for me to deal with stress, anxiety, etc. I still have to learn to deal with these things in a healthy and mature way. But hey, I am getting there.

    You're good as you are, even with sexual fantasies and porn. Being in a relationship can also be an asset in learning life skills. I often read about guys that first want to overcome addiction and then get a relationship. As if you first need to be perfect before you deserve love. But we deserve love right now, with our better and lesser habits. Mind that even your partner to be will have different sides. No one is perfect.
     

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