Brand New Life

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by Wise Hermit, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016


    I'm working at home too. It's a big change and it is weird af.
    I haven't found the right routine yet. I have the right mindset- so tomorrow I'll be brainstorming about some solutions.
    Meditation is a great tool for self improvement. Haven't done it in years... will try it tomorrow too

    Good ludk
     
  2. Brit_91_kd

    Brit_91_kd Member

    I know this feeling! I am also a civil servant. Been 3 weeks straight of WFH
     
  3. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Day zero. It is quite difficult. Working on solutions

    You guys also stay safe and good luck in will power!
     
  4. Don't give up. It is difficult, but not impossible. It's overwhelming to create a whole new schedule, but start simply. We don't know for sure how long this quarantine will last, but prepare by creating a daily schedule that you can do your best to stick to. I'll be posting an example of my daily routine soon in these forums so keep an eye out.
     
  5. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey Wise Hermit, I'm just starting my own path here and looked over your thread. I'm curious about your relapses, if you don't mind expanding. Also stuck in isolation a lot. Is the trigger being bored in front of the computer? Or like, certain music or something?
     
  6. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Day zero/ Day fucking One

    Alright I noticed a pattern of me just coming here to feel ashamed every time I relapse. Still good I force myself to note this. But obviously need some changes to be done so this post will be quite big

    Hi there. I gave it a long chain of thoughts which led me to own realizations that I already knew but still ignored. Let me break it down from my perspective.
    Triggers leading to relapse:
    1) Doing the things I don't want to do but must to (work included). Leads to mind wandering, which leads to imagining horny stuff, which my mind is more attracted to
    2) Going back to favourite porn websites to check my kinks I enjoyed with thoughts "lets see them again, they were cool, obviously I will just appreciate it and leave them be"
    3) Suddenly seeing something on the web which makes me really horny with a thought "man, this is an exception, I never saw that before, so good"

    Can say these are the only triggers. They then lead to self denial: "I'm already horny so much, there's no turning back. Just this once, as after this I will stop forever. That's fine" Then I start nofap again with a thought "I'm really not gonna do it for so long? I'm so cool. Amazing" and relapse again. So I keep postponing this thing like in some kind of trap.

    What makes it harder is how realistically I can use my imagination sometime, especially for horny stuff. Its still porn, even if in mine imagination. I just spend time thinking about horny stuff. The thing with "never seen horny stuff before" is also shit. I will always see such stuff, especially after long nofap. It's just my brain trying to get me back to the awesome feeling. Need to keep reminding myself how shitty I feel after each relapse and how drained I am.

    I remembered what helped me to take 33 days in autumn. That PDF with hundreds reviews on aftereffects and life of nofap. I was reading it almost daily and that kept me motivated to keep up. I'm starting to check it again. I will attach it here in case somebody needs good motivation. The results can be diffeent for everybody but this stuff is a good read.

    Now, I see a lot of life changes for people in those reviews. They start to do a lot of stuff they wanted to but kept it for later. I succeeded recently to beat smoking addiction along with weed addiction (still gonna smoke some after lockdown finishes, but never everyday). So now, I want to do more stuff. I can consider the stuff I want to do but don't do - another addiction. Fap addiction can be one of the big reasons for this not happening, which is also largerly confirmed in a lot of studies. I can try to fix that stuff along with fap addiction.

    In my next post I will write what I want to change and what i'm going to do for it to happen. I will post an update every three days on each point for at least first three months. I will reread my prev messages from time to time to reflect on things that happened. Will turn this into a motivation diary.
     

    Attached Files:

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  7. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Okay, so day zero. And a new month to start.

    What I want to change in my life:
    1) Stop the fap. No porn, no horny stuff, no touching anything. Spend this time more efficiently. (This can also support all other points)
    2) Focus full day on my job. I lose lots of time mind wondering. Need to keep up, especially in these difficult times.
    3) I want to switch my routine dead end job to something I like. Started to learn programming with the aim to switch the job in a year from now.
    4) Meditation. I want to clear my life from daily stress and be able to keep my focus for a long time. (This can also support all other points)
    5) I need a good sleep. I want to wake up with the energy for the whole day and see good dreams. (This can also support all other points)
    6) I need to keep my appartment clean and do all house stuff in time with no pileups. Just for myself and cuz soon I will be moving in a shareflat.

    Additional stuff I'm not sure I will be able to keep up with for now.
    1) Excersize daily. To keep myself in a good shape, especially on quarantine. I won't be able to force myself now. But I hope to fix this after I improve a bit on other points.
    2) Dancing. To remember how to dance hip-hop and house and practice a few times a week. In future I might want to join dance classes again if I find smth decent in my city. Now I won't be able to find time for it. But hope to have it when I will have more tight schedule if I improve on other points.
    3) Eating healthy and on time. I will give this one more thoughts later.

    How I am going to achieve the changes for each of the points:
    1) Nofap. No thoughts of horny stuff. Accept them and let them be without focusing on it. No visit of porn sites. Even to check them out. Even just for once. Their purpose is just for fap. Even after successful year of nofap! It will still lead to relapse and I 100% know what I will find there. There's no point of testing myself in future. I will write here about my results. (a note for myself in future: would you like to smoke a ciggarette just to remember how it feels? No? I thought so)
    2) Job. Stop mind wondering, retain focus on work after each distraction. I will post here on how much hours in a day I think I was focused.
    3) Programming. Study after work at least one hour daily, and more on weekends. I will post regarding if I feel I'm making progress.
    4) Meditation. Slowly read the book I chose and meditate at least 15 minutes daily. The sessions to be increased over time, but thats a realistic timing for beginning. I will post here on ability to do that.
    5) Sleep. Finish my stuff at 11:30 to be able to be asleep by midnight. Thats a good start. I will post on the success of doing that.
    6) Cleaning. Do at least a portion of cleaning and loundry daily for the work to not pile up. Will post on how messy my appartment looks.

    Well, that's it. I hope this will lead me to some good changes in life
     
  8. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    Cool. Which programming language are you learning?
     
  9. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    I want to get into frontend. So for now the basics of HTML + CSS, then take Javascript
     
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  10. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey Wise hermit, I think that's a great list and thanks for both taking the time to talk about the triggers and the list of what you want to accomplish. I'm old school. I like having a list on a sticky note or notebook page I can cross off. That small act of actually crossing things off the checklist helps me know I am making progress against that list. Hold fast man, we're right here with you brother.
     
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  11. axebattler

    axebattler Member Staff Member

    I did some stuff with those years ago. When I first started learning HTML it was done very differently to nowadays. HTML was used in all sorts of design ways that it isn't used for now. The design functions got incorporated more and more into CSS instead, eventually.

    I'm currently trying to learn C#. A bit of tinkering with hardware as well.
     
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  12. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Yea, right now the only issue is motivation and time schedule. But I'm working on that

    Good luck with that on your side same way!
     
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  13. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Hi WH

    Seems to be stuck in a negative loop huh. I see you're still talking of shame and self-denial. I can relate to those elements and thankfully I have learned to let them go. It's still there, but it's gotten so much smaller. Particularly shame is something that keeps you stuck in the loop. I see you have porn as a way to cope with resistance. "Doing the things I don't want to do but must do (work included)".

    At this moment I see that as a mindset that keeps you down. Changing the mind will lift you up. You have a 15 point list that looks amazing. Are you sticking to your list?How does it make you feel? Are you managing to stick to it and feel good about it?

    What I sense is that you're pushing rather hard, asking too much from yourself and wanting too much too soon. Perfectionism.


    I am having an SLAA sheet open from last nights meeting and point 8 says (translated into English) "We begin to accept our imperfections and flaws as part of being human, healing our shame and perfection while working on our character defects".
    I feel this one is resonating with you.

    I am not trying to point out your defects, I am trying to show you a mind shift. Took me years to find out. It'd be a shame (pun intended) to have you waste your years as well.

    Perhaps SLAA would fit you as well. Have you thought about finding a meeting nearby?

    As for the web dev. I fucking started to do the same thing!I signed up on freecodecamp.org 2 weeks ago and it's a 300 hour course. For free.
    How is your web dev going? What site are you using?
     
  14. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Hey Rengaw

    Thanks for your reply, I see some good points, and also some confusion. Wanted to write tomorrow on the points but lets do it now and then will reply to your message

    Progress so far after 2 days:
    1) Nofap. Been alright. No urges
    2) Job. I managed to stay more focused today than yesterday but still lose lot of time thinking about nothing. Will be improving
    3) Programming. Today I started with learning in general. Spent an hour. Not so much time after work but will be spending a lot during free day
    4) Meditation. Did not start with the book yet. Yesterday I meditated for 15 mins after work. Today 30 mins after work. It is pleasant
    5) Sleep. Not much success. Get to bed 11:30 pm, end up reading manga and stuff for 2 more hours to have only 6 hours of sleep in the end
    6) Cleaning. Cleaned my kitchen completely, feels good

    Rengaw, back to your message. I have actually only 6 points. Other 3 were for future cuz not time for them now, and other 6 are explanations on how i will achieve main points.
    I wouldn't say I go for perfectionism in these 6 points. I'm chasing my dream here. But I do have problem with perfectionism - when in the end of the day you beat yourself for stupid stuff you did during the day. I believe my current routine will help me to fix that with a time.

    I started with codeacademy website. My friend will be guiding me through needed stuff to get to the goal. For now I'm trying to build a schedule, to do this stuff daily and not forget about it
     
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  15. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    WH,

    ah I thought of attending codeacademy as well, I have started out with a 5 day coding challenge at Codeinstitute, which is super structured bootcamp to check whether you fit and like coding. Afterwards I probalby attend freecodecamp instead. This offeres 300 hours of free training, if I need more I can always get a CodeAcademy subscription.

    As for the progress, and the points you stated. Seems you are in touch and in control. I like your distinction between now and future, I did not see that.

    Good luck with codeacademy!
     
  16. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Day 9

    Well, I guess this is a first time in a while I come back with good results after a week

    1) Nofap: Urges are difficult during the day. Was close to a relapse a few times
    2) Job. Not good. Doing up to deadlines instead of spending full day doing what I need. Keep being distracted by other thoughts. Easy to catch this when you are not in the office where you feel more tension. Need to learn how to leave all thoughts for the end of the day
    3) Programming. Not much improvement. But have some free days now and will see what can be done to focus on studying and practice
    4) Meditation. Trying not to skip it but happens. Started reading the book. Think it will lead me in right direction
    5) Sleep. Its way past midnight now. I'm not keepin up with it currently
    6) Cleaning. Only kitchen is bieing cleaned. Need to do whole clean of the apartment

    Just now had a big urge to open porn just to look at it. Realized that it is true: the first and most important trigger - dopamine I want to get in my head from looking at woman of my taste. Got too addicted to it. Need to erase that or I don't think I will ever heal, only hide the problem for a while.
    But it is very sad and difficult. Feels like a part of me is dying. Probably that is why it is called an addiction.

    Edit: I think same with work. When I don't want to do difficult stuff - I come up with thoughts that cause me to have more dopamine. Need to rethink how I do stuff and stop prioritizing it considering dopamine/emotional satisfaction and make it a bonus instead of a requirement
     
  17. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    I think the loss of dopamine leads to something like depression in most guys: an emotional flatline. It makes it hard to drive forward with our good developing habits (programming, meditation, sleep, cleaning), and reinforces the bad ones (viewing porn) because we want to feel good again, even if just for a few minutes. Stick with it man! You know what you got to do and what your body is trying to do!
     
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  18. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    Yea, agree. There's so many memes on insta about people just fapping non stop during quarantine. Feels a little good trying not to give in to the addiction in such times

    Need to come out of quarantine even stronger
    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Rengaw

    Rengaw Will log on every other week from 13/10/2016

    Ha, I like the "You never lacked time, you lacked discipline" motto. Very much true. I've noticed I have been mindlessly browsing the internet a lot, checking out crypto currency websites, surfing on social media and very often this leads to experiencing boredom. I think my boredom is a short cut to a relapse. And relapse is what takes my time and discipline.

    I think the quarantine is also something that effects me more than I can imagine. As for the mindlessness I want to start meditation to become mindfull. WH, which book are you reading? Does it improve your meditation of mindfulness?
     
  20. Wise Hermit

    Wise Hermit Member

    I only went through the beginning. The book is quite large, but very detailed. I like that the author has knowledge not only in meditation and Buddhism but also neuroscience and psychology. I read that a lot of practitioners on meditation in US learnt it from his book. See for yourself and decide. It is "The Mind Illuminated" by Culadasa

    Edit: btw, yes, the author states himself that the book is mostly to focus on developing mindfulness, instead of entering dull state
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2020

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