It is time to reboot my brain. I am 19 years old struggling with this since 11 years old. I want to quit PMO in order to rewire my brain, and regain CEO-like control of my brain. I know PMO damaged my brain lobes, making me process emotions poorly. It is time. Character Level (of me haha): Day 1: The Defective Day 4: The Incompetent Day 7: The Edger Day 14: The Conscious Individual Day 30: The Resilent Day 45: The Striver Day 60: The Resurrected Day 90: The Iron-Minded Individual Day 180: The Beta Male Day 365: The Alpha Male
Day 0 I relapsed because I was becoming lonely with myself. I am not sure why, but I had this feeling of never making love with a girl, thus, making me want to watch porn to ease off the emotion. I use to journal on NoFap.com, but I hate the website design; too themed and heavy themes. I discovered this website my accident. I immediately loved the look of it. It is simple and straight to the point: forum links are on home page, and it feels more responsive to navigate (reminding me of archlinux.org) Anyways, it is time for my brain to reboot and nourish my lobes back to a healthy state.
Day 1 & 2 Apologies, I couldn't journal yesterday. I had a rough time with my parents, arguing about my life and who I am. I was sobbing because of comparing myself to others, generating self-hate. It was very difficult to medicate the pain. I ended up looking at porn, but it didn't do anything. I just watched it, but did not masturbate at all. I thank myself in realizing that I didn't have any reaction. I woke up this morning, having an urge to watch. This is normal. It's the first week, so I must realize that.
Day 2 Relapse! Dammit, I was an autopilot; I made the firm decision to watch porn without caring about the consequences. This is my fault: I am at home and not having any duties/responsibilities to do. I am applying for part-time job positions near me, so that I can get myself use to labor.
Relapse on Day 3 1. I relapsed on Day 2 2. Switched to Nofap, and until Day 3, I relapsed When I relapsed on day 2 (on this forum), I decided to switch to NoFap, and realized I was not taking it seriously anymore. From now on, I'll stay on this forum, regardless of anyone viewing my progress or not (because I have the desire to seek validation, and not from my own). I am deleting my NoFap Account. I am going to tweek my routine to fit my cycling routine again from long before (started 2 months ago) This might be the root cause of my subversiveness (seeking validation in almost anything I feel hesitant).
Day 1 Alright it is time man. I coudlnt wake up 5:30AM, I fell asleep like at 2:30AM, i hate this cycle happens alot. I didnt even go to the park (cycling). Im just gonna keep on going with this.
Day 2 Today was great I talked to my friend, and mentioned my PMO problem. He says it's just a bad habit, and I need to find hobbies. My real hobbies are just: linux and video games. He's rights; there's more activities out there.
Day 3 wow it is day 3. Day 3 is honestly the day I relapse like 80% of the time. I am going to be conscious about this, and not let my brain get hijacked by my emotions.
Day 4: The Incompetent Yes, it is day 4. It's been a while since I made it this far in a long time I feel so proud of myself. this is honestly a real accomplishment.
Day 4 Relapse! I just ejaculated twice, the 2nd time was not good at all. I chose to ejaculate twice for punishment, it was horrible I had a really strong urge, I was tired with a specific task I couldn't do on the computer, so I tried to mask the disappointment.
Day 1 I woke up depressed, and most likely it's because of the withdrawal - this is common when experiencing a high from PMO, then the brain is wanting it back, Great news though: I got hired from a job, yes finally. Gonna start Thursday, cannot wait.
Day 2 I had a great day with my friends yesterday at the park. Today, I woke up with extreme urges, mainly because I was having problems clearing my mind.
Day 1 Relapsed yesterday Sorry, i didnt want to journal about my relapsed. Simply, i was hijacked again. But it is time to feel optimism; It is the first day of my job today, and I cant wait!!!
Day 2 I feel a bit tired. But yesterday was great; first day of my job. Seem pretty easy, have to go again today. Hopefully, this job doesn't become too stressful.
