Bodhissatva's Journal: walking the path ...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Bodhissatva, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    One positive thing that happened yesterday:
    - A friend showed up at 21:30 to pick-up his son, my son's friend and we invited him to share the late meal with us. We had a really good conversation, along with a good glass of wine.

    This morning, I did:
    - 60 push-ups
    - 200 crunches
    - 15 min. meditation

    Thanks for the advice yoc. I think my wife felt my discontentment yesterday and we will get closer within the next week when her periods will be over. I feel better than yesterday. Moods are just that, moods. Hopefully, I will feel more energy as my new habits start their work.

  2. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    I am back after a lot of misadventures. I am aiming at 30 days now. I still do my morning routine, I still meditate every day. That is helping a lot.

    For the past few months, I have been indulging in PMO about once every week. I started again on the PMO path after successfully re-kindling my sex life with my wife. That is still an ongoing adventure by itself.

    I need a real break from PMO. Figured 30 days would be a good start. I never passed 14 days, so it will be a challenge.

    I have matured quite a bit in the passed few weeks. So I am in a better place now.

  3. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Bodhi, welcome back. Good to hear you re-kindled your sex life with your wife. I hope I get to post that comment in the near future.
  4. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Welcome back Boddhi!
  5. Bob Jenkins

    Bob Jenkins New Member

    Nice job, Bodhi. Sex with my wife is a huge goal.

    Keep checking in with your progress!
  6. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    And about PMO and sex with your wife, they do not go together for people like us.
    As I wrote in another thread:

    "…stay away completely from MO, O and pictures in your head of other women. A good relationship can survive low libido. A good relationship cannot have you cheating in your head with other women. Only a bad one might. And the pictures in the head and internet escapes will only get worse over time."
  7. imout

    imout Active Member

    Bodi, brother, good to see you back here. Keep chipping away at that addiction. With your renewed sex lfe there should be an incentive to succeed.
  8. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Thanks for the warm welcome back, my friends. I am already feeling better, even after only 3 days.

    I was in a strange mood, always half aroused, thinking my weird fantasies were normal. I know this passes as you get more time without PMO. The real you comes back. That is what I want.

    @WRAT and Bob: reconnecting with my wife was just a matter of me wanting it badly enough, and expressing that want. I figured out that I was too much of a "Nice Guy", very passive aggressive. Wanting a normal sex life, but waiting for it to be given to me. That does not work with my wife. Removing PMO from my life drives up my libido, and I pursue my wife more aggressively. That, she "gets" and wants. Of course, that applies to me and my marital situation, and it is different for everyone. What really helped me was Mark Gungor's seminar. The man is a riot to watch, and he made me realize that our couple was sort of normal, and that marriage is a struggle worth having. I ordered his books, and looking forward to doing the flag page test with my wife. I am sure this will bring us even further in our mutual understanding.

    @Arizona: I am lucky in that my wife does not perceive PMO as a treason. She sees it as just something men do when they can't have sex. And in some weird way, this was making her feel less guilty of having a low libido. In the pass few months, we have made a lot of progress in figuring out why. She has sleep apnoea, and that made her constantly tired. We did not know that until a few months ago. Her being tired, we thought she was suffering from depression, so she was on anti-depressant, which killed her libido even more. Now that we have the sleep machine, she has more energy, and she started dialing down the medication, and is very close to kicking it completely. It is a rough ride, as quitting this is very difficult: the withdrawal symptoms are worst than the original depression. Thanks for the poisoned gift, Big Pharma.

    The pass 3 days have been interesting. Lost of triggers all around, but I managed a good "no arousal" mindset. I tried to practice the "Urge Meditation" and sometimes even succeed. 3 days is not much, but it is a start ...

  9. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Unfortunately, I don't think any P-addict is really "lucky", as PMO ultimately doesn't make a relationship any better, it breaks relationships apart similarly to real cheating with real other lovers would do. In a past marriage I was OK with my wife cheating with real people, while I settled for PMO-ing. It was an agreement we had, but this agreement contributed to our divorce. It was easier than working together at having a sexual relationship.

    I'm glad to hear the sleep apnea is being dealt with.
  10. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Hey ATG,

    You're right, PMO does not make the relationship better. I meant I am lucky my wife's attitude makes working on the issue easier for me. It can be a trap, as I could (and did) tell myself PMO wasn't too bad ...

    Having a good day today. I slept well until 4:21am, at which time I woke up briefly to put Hamsterdam back in it's cage (he was partying in the living room). I think he was glad to go home, let me pick him up calmly. It helps that I always give the little guy cashews and pecans. Then I went back to sleep, completing 8 hours of sleep. This is rare for me these days.

    I have to watch it with the energy. It is as dangerous for me to have too much of it ...

  11. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    I need to post here before I relapse, not after. Lesson learned. Onward ...
  12. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Hi Bodhi,
    What was the triggger, booze, lack of sleep, stress?
    Take care of yourself...
  13. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Stress from work and stress from the wife. The usual, but no excuse.

    Back on track now. Still need to be more rigorous with the meditation, but working on it ...

    Thanks for asking!

  14. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Keep posting buddy. Keep learning from what went wrong yesterday (or the day before).
  15. Beowulf

    Beowulf Member

    Yes keep posting Bodhi, does not always have to be full of insight, just keep posting and you will feel more accountable here. I sometimes felt i could not post as I had nothing to say but in my latest streak I found just revisiting these pages helped.
    Why is modern life so stressful when we have all these readily available pleasures and distractions....strange..but it seems to me stress is an epidemic right now in the workplace..
  16. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Thanks for prompts Arizona and Beowulf.

    On vacation in Caraquet, New-Brunswick right now. Road trip, with the family, good times. The 7 days is real, except for one MO session. I don't see MO as evil anymore. I prefer RS, but MO works, once in a while. I find my mind goes less to dark places when I MO regularly.

  17. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Ha, as I just read in another reply; M somehow always leads to PMO. Without M, porn totally loses it's angel/hook.

    I tend to agree with that more and more…

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