Bodhissatva's Journal: walking the path ...

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Bodhissatva, Mar 14, 2013.

  1. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    3 things I am grateful for this morning:

    - I am grateful for finally figuring out how to deal with some of my wife's negativism without fighting or even her realizing I am doing it
    - I am grateful for the fun I had this week-end playing Perfection with my boys
    - I am grateful for the serenity I was able to keep relatively well this morning while preparing delicious nutritive lunches for the entire family

    This morning I did:
    - 20 push-ups
    - 100 crunches

    Some mornings, I drop my wife to work while commuting to mine, and every morning, we have to drive in the back street to get to the road. The back-street is a filthy place, by my wife's standards. People drop their garbage and the squirrels have a party, kids leave broken toys etc. So every morning I drive to work with my wife, I am reminded systematically how sloppy people are, how uncivilized this society has become etc, etc, etc.

    This morning, I told my wife to wait in front of the house where I would pick her up instead of her getting into the car in the back street. Miracle! No negative comments about the back street!!! We just did not pass there ...

    Simple solution to an annoying problem. It even passed as me being a real gentleman. I will take that anytime. My wife started her day better, and I even got a long kiss before she stepped out of the car. I call this improvement.

    Bodhi
     
  2. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

  3. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    WOW. This post is great. It comes from imout's journal, but I did not want to hijack said journal, so I am responding here. I find this "I need to be a happy man for sexuality to follow if it has to" to be true even while being in a relationship. For years now, I have been trying to "fix my wife" so that we could be happy together and have a fulfilling sex life. I now know that I need to be happy myself, and the rest will follow. I have abandoned "fixing" my wife. What screwed me all this time was that mistaken believe that I "need" sex to be happy, and that meant that I had to have sex with my wife. It also meant that if my wife was not available, I had to get it from somewhere else like PMO.

    Well, what a load of Broken Science (BS). As it is taught by LTE and other successful rebooter, sex is not necessary for happiness and equilibrium. I love the "Master of My Own Domain" philosophy. For years I have wondered how I would react if a beautiful young women would come on to me, a married man, and offer me everything I ever wanted sexually. Up to now, the response would have been simple: I would have cracked in a heartbeat. Now, give me a few more weeks and I think I would be able to hold off for a little bit. I am working my way to being able to just say no, my life is full as it is. I do not need or want this.

    Then, I think I will be a man ...

    Bodhi
     
  4. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    3 things I am grateful for this morning:

    - I am grateful for my wife warming up to me these days
    - I am grateful for the eminent launch of a new web application, result of 4 years of work
    - I am grateful for the coming Easter week-end I will be spending climbing a mountain with a group of friends

    This morning I did:
    1.5 hour hike

    I am now fighting a cold. Annoying. Good news is, it should be history by Thursday. I will hike back home tonight and have tremendously repairing sleep tonight. Couple that with lots of lemon juice, hot and cold, and my system should be able to fight it off.

    I was watching "Better Call Saul" yesterday night, alone, while taking a drink. This is usually a bad idea for me if I want to stay on this path. My addict brain did suggest PMO at one point, saying I deserved it and it would be fun. Funny thing is that I was not even aroused at that point. I just decided to stop the movie in my head before I got there and that was that. I just closed the laptop and went to bed. Kewl!

    Bodhi
     
  5. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Good going. And indeed how the mind says, 'it's ok, you deserve it.'
    Breaking Bad was much better.

    Going for Vikings one of these days. :)
     
  6. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    3 things I am grateful for this morning:

    - I am grateful I have a dentist appointment today, just when my new implant is hurting
    - I am grateful for the good night's work I had yesterday on the start-up project
    - I am grateful for working from home today

    Yes Arizona, Breaking Bad was much better, but I find Better Call Saul intriguing as heck. We'll see ... And when I have time, I will also take a look at Vikings!

    Still stuck with my cold this morning. I will be using the jalapeno method, see how that goes.

    I am about to finish with the 3 gratitude a day, and will be moving to journal one positive experience per day. I will also introduce the daily meditation in my morning routine. This should help strengthening my pre-frontal cortex and help with the NoA method ...

    Bodhi
     
  7. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    One positive thing that happened to me this morning:

    - I responded to a post on this forum about relationships, and the member who's journal it was on correctly read what I was trying to convey. That means that I managed to write my post correctly enough to convey to this reader my opinion with the proper nuances. I am proud of that, English not being my first language.

    This morning I did:

    - 20 push-ups
    - 150 crunches
    - I ate ½ jalapeno pepper raw (fighting a cold)

    Having a good day despite my cold. Seems I am on a roll!

    Bodhi
     
  8. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Bodhi, very surprised to read that English is not your first language; you write very well. Congrats on the 150 crunches. I never tried jalapenos for fighting colds; always preferred whiskey.

    Thanks for visiting my journal and thanks for being here.
     
  9. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Thanks for the compliment, WRAT!

    Just ate a full jalapeno before lunch. OUCH! That it would help for a cold was just an intuition, so I did extensive research on the subject (5 min. google search) and it turns out I was right! This Lady says it works for her, and this Dude has scientific explanations for it. Turns out Capsaicin, the stuff that burns in jalapenos is a natural decongestant, expectorant and pain reliever all at once. Moreover, just one of these little red grenades packs the vitamin C of 4 oranges.

    I like your idea of whiskey, but due to the provenance of jalapenos, I think tequila + lime + jalapenos would = perfect medicine. I think I just invented a business venture ...

    Bodhi
     
  10. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    On Friday, I did:

    - 30 push-ups
    - 150 crunches

    On Saturday I did:

    - A 4h hike on Mount Washington

    One positive thing that happened to me today:

    I was having a conversation about movies with a group of friends and we were reminiscing Ground Hog Day with Bill Murray. We spoke at length about the significance of the movie, how funny it was and how really spiritual it was. We did such a good job describing it that a few people that hadn't seen it decided on watching it tonight.

    I had a great week-end, despite a brutal cold. I still hiked on Saturday, and I think it accelerated my healing. I carried a flask of a special shock treatment I created:

    - 4 jalapenos, shopped finely
    - juice of one lemon and one lime
    - 3 tablespoons of honey
    - 2 onces of vodka

    Just a couple of tablespoon of that and your mouth is burning, but you're not congested any more and the cough is gone for long while. I would not recommend this to anyone, as it burns like heck and I am not a doctor (not sure if jalapenos can cause ulcers), but it sure did the job for me.

    Feeling a lot better now, and still clean of PMO after 13 days!

    Bodhi
     
  11. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Exercise and home remedies; great way to make the most of a cold. Glad you had a good weekend.
     
  12. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Thanks WRAT, I hope your space oddity is over!

    One positive experience I had yesterday:

    - It was very late, I had been drinking and watching a movie (Sin City, A Dame to Kill For) and I got horny. I then edged for about 5 minutes, and decided I had chosen this path to get real sex, not to fantasize on images. So I turned off my computer, went to the bedroom, woke up my wife slowly and had real sex. Amazingly, she just rolled with it. It had been 13 days since my last orgasm, so I was quite insistent, and a bit of a macho, which is kind of out of character for me. I least, I thought so. It seems it is part of my nature as well, it was just buried under a lot of political correctness, fear of rejection and PMO fog. It was over rather quickly to my taste, but I was expecting that after so many days without sexual stimuli. We now have a date tomorrow night, and I intend to be a slow, passionate lover ...

    This morning I did:

    - 30 push-ups
    - 150 crunches

    This morning, I need to be very present to avoid the chaser effect that always come after real sex. I need to keep my sexual focus on my date with my wife tomorrow ...

    Bodhi
     
  13. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Good luck buddy. Sounds all good what you write. And congrats with reaching your challenge of 15 days!
     
  14. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    One positive thing that happened yesterday:

    - I was able to resist the urge to MO in the shower this morning and keep my energy for my wife tonight.

    This morning, I did:

    - 40 push-ups
    - 150 crunches

    No MO in the shower does not sound like much, but this is a very dangerous time for me these days. My brain keeps bringing these images of past P scenes and I have to constantly drop the images and the feelings to concentrate on the task at hand.

    I have set my target to 30 days, and I am already at my best so far, so onward ...

    Bodhi
     
  15. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    One positive thing that happened to me yesterday:

    - I had a fight with my wife, as she didn't want to attend an event that was really important to me. Instead escalating the fight, I just said that we disagreed and that we would talk about it more at the end of the day. During the day, my wife called me, she had cancelled what was preventing her from attending my event and confirmed she would go.

    That idea of letting go in the middle of a fight, say it is not the time to resolve this and let go is new to me. I used to think a fight needed resolution now, even with a winner and a looser. It is not the case, especially with my wife. She gets intense very fast and winds down very slowly. So, progress ...

    This morning, I did:

    - 40 push-ups
    - 150 crunches

    Today will be difficult. I really have to do this 1 moment at the time. Not now. That is my motto for today.

    Bodhi
     
  16. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Nice Bodhi. And in my opinion, a fight is always 'wrong.' There can be different wishes and needs. And they can be shared.

    In my new relation, we never had a fight. A lot of grief, pain, discussion and sharing, but never a fight. One time, I was very frustrated on the phone. Several times I shared from my adult part, and got reactions from her pain/child part. I almost lost my temper (read: 'gave in to my pain or pain body) and said "You're out for war, to fight me, not to solve this difference" and she said "Yes." I then hung up saying this conversation has no purpose at this time.
    I felt very frustrating but realized I had this feeling of no-control very often in my previous relationship. And with the new gf this was the first time, allowing myself to monitor the pain and how it came to be.
    She called me a bit later and apologized. And I realized I learned a lot from it.

    Later I also realized her honesty in her answer when she said 'yes, I'm out for war.' She could also have denied it and saying something like "No, I'm just right and you should see that." So in spite of her pain, she chose to share this pain by answering truthfully.

    Boy, so much to learn while peeling the layers of shields we built around us in the hope not to get hurt…
     
  17. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    One positive thing that happened to me yesterday:

    - My colleague did in half a day what I estimated would take 2 days of work.

    This morning I did:

    - 40 push-ups
    - 150 crunches

    Indeed Arizona, a fight is always wrong. Unfortunately, with my wife, they are unavoidable in the current state of affairs. I see you seem to be well aware of your feelings and I hope I can get there eventually.

    I crashed and burned yesterday. It was predictable, I saw it coming. After having RS with my wife, I was obsessed. I edged all day yesterday on erotic lit, and crashed before going to bed. Well, as they say, if you want to succeed, prepare to fail often. Let see if I can finish the month clean ...

    Bodhi
     
  18. Arizona

    Arizona All answers can be found within

    Hey Boddhi, 2bad man. New rounds, new chances.

    What I'm saying, conflicts and arguments can always happen. They just don't have to end in anger and losing control. That's a situation always based on your decision. To give in to pain or anger I mean.
    Oh well, we all had our share and like I said; with my previous wife, clarity was hard to find and often we fought. Only with the new gf with a similar attitude towards clarity, truth (no matter how painful) and consciousness, things flow way better then before in my previous relation.

    Take care m8. Learn from your relapse. In that case it's not a mistake, but a gift.
     
  19. Bodhissatva

    Bodhissatva New Member

    Thanks Arizona!

    In our fights, what always gets me is defensiveness. My wife will attack, and instead of listening properly, I will get very defensive and counter attack if she persists. With the help on NVC, I started to change this behaviour and it does improve things a lot. I am also very interested in what Mark Gungor has produced with The Flag Page. I ordered 2 books and to codes for my wife and I, but we did not have time to do our flag pages. When you talk about soul finding, I think it is interesting to put words on it and be able to communicate it to your partner. You can see that clearly in his seminar on marriage. He has very interesting points on communication. You can clearly see he studied this in great details and was smart enough to get help from great psychologists before building his method.

    As for the relapse, one interpretation of the word "crisis" in Chinese translates to "danger" and "opportunity" (you can clearly see I listen to TED talks and motivation speakers here). I think both apply to me when I relapse ... Maybe I should build a small robot out of Lego Mindstorm and program it to scream "Danger, Will Robinson, Danger!!!" whenever I use my computer while drunk when my wife is in bed. I just need to figure out what kind of sensors I will need to detect all this ...

    Bodhi
     
  20. WRAT

    WRAT Active Member

    Bodhi, perhaps a breathalyzer on the computer would help. If the alcohol content is too high, you can't get on the computer. I'm sure you and I aren't the only ones who've had a PMO binge while under the influence of alcohol.
     

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