Bobbertsan's Journal

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by bobbertsan, Sep 18, 2013.

  1. Syd

    Syd New Member

    First off, positive thoughts and prayers headed your way. Second, I know what you mean about stress reduction. It's been an important (and yes, difficult) exercise for me to de-link the two. As I looked at it objectively, it was just a lame excuse...and there are plenty of better ways to deal with stress.

    Keep at it, B'san!
  2. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Know that PMO-ing would make hell week more hellish. Stay strong. I'm praying and knowing all is well for you.
  3. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    Thanks for they prayers guys.
  4. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    Taking part in No Fap August. In 24 hours I will have gone an entire month of August without MO. While I have tremendous respect for all the other guys who have done this, and don't want to discourage anyone if it works for you, it doesn't work for me and I don't plan to participate in any more No Fap competitions. I can't break a habit by constantly thinking about it, I have to replace it with a new habit. "I shall not fap", "I will not fap", "I must not fap" - I'm just thinking about fapping - I need to focus on something else, something I "want" to do. I'm not saying MO is ok, I'm saying that I'm not going to focus on "don't", but rather, "do".

    Just my 2 thoughts.
  5. Lightning Man

    Lightning Man New Member

    This is a key point IMO, along the lines of "Don't think of pink elephants." I agree that you can't just stop doing what you were doing; that you have to start doing something that you weren't.
  6. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Great work though in completing the month. If nothing else, it should prove to you that you're capable of taking on a tough challenge, and seeing it through.
  7. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Long ago, I took a 3 week bike tour, during which without any effort I did not m, had no thought of m-ing, did not try to not m, I was too busy, so focused on doing the bike tour. The first day after I finished the bike ride I m'd, and then everyday for years after that.
  8. ejb65

    ejb65 Member

    If trying do too much stresses you out and leads to PMO you know what the answer is. -)
    Need to decide if these other things are more important. If being PMO free is really important then you will arrange (or at least try to arrange) the rest of your life to meet that goal. Sorry if this is too harsh. just giving you suggestions for your own thought processes.

    I really agree on focusing on what you are going to rather than what you are not going to do.
    I see on the several posts. Abstinence is not Recovery.
    I've found that thoughts lead to actions so if i don't think about P then i don't use P so idea is to not think about. If don't think about then I got to think about something else. Need to decide what that is and go for it. -)

    Good luck.
  9. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    Anybody know how 'the chaser effect' works, or, to put it another way, why it happens?

    Wife and I had sex yesterday morning, and I almost went off the wagon, the urge to PMO was huge. Wife left the house and I started peeking. The only thing that prevented me from PMO was that my son's friend came over to our house and he and my son kept knocking on my bedroom door asking for stuff. If I could have been alone, I would have needed to reset my counter.

    So it was a close one, but I want to be prepared for next time.
  10. Brooklyn Jerry

    Brooklyn Jerry New Member

    Just google the chaser effect,it will bring you to a site: your brain on porn,and great info on the subject. I think having sex felt so good you just want more. I often in years past after having sex with my wife sneak down to my basement and PMO. I also have come home after having relations with my SO and go!on the net for some more action. No need for a real hard erection when when you M.
  11. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    No sense putting this off any longer. The counter has been reset. I've been avoiding coming here and resetting it because I felt that I had to talk about what caused my relapse and I just can't do that right now. It's just so embarrassing how little it takes to trigger this stuff.
  12. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    You're not the first of us to reset, nor will you be the last. Use that feeling of embarrassment, not to tear yourself down, but as just another learning moment in this process.

    In my experience, every time I slipped, I would beat myself up over it; to the point of yelling invective at myself in the mirror! Not health. Also, not smart, as it usually led to making me feel down, and looking for relief, and, and, and...

    For the past several months, I've seen my personal slips as more interesting than humiliating. If you fall off, forgive yourself, and get back on.
  13. Troubled

    Troubled New Member

    Yes it can be embarrassing how little it takes for us to slip, but remember, this is an addiction and i think it is the toughest one to overcome. Most of us guys here have fallen. You're not alone there. Get back up, forgive yourself, figure out your triggers, learn from your mistakes and fight on. Every day you refrain is a victory.
  14. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Yeah, pretty much the only way to go - forgive yourself, get positive, learn from it and get back on track asap.

    I had times when I use to PMO right after having sex with my wife. obviously chaser effect. For me it felt like it triggered nearby PMO neural pathways to fire.
  15. Recovery11

    Recovery11 New Member

    Keep coming back.
    I have to learn different stratergies for dealing with triggers, currently this is listening to lots of Pema Chodron and reading about Warren Buffet.
  16. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Triggers are a bitch, but it helps me to never forget that the triggers can not make me PMO on their own. Every act performed by me in this life is through my own choosing. My brother always complained that his friends forced him to smoke cigarettes when he was 12, and that caused his life-long addiction to tobacco products.

    My friends tried to talk me into it when I was near the same age, and my innate obstinance was the only thing that saved me from going down that same path.

    Triggers happen in all sorts of circumstances; we choose whether or not to act upon them. I believe now that the trick is having the focus to choose well, when we are at our weakest.
  17. a short guy

    a short guy Well-Known Member

    Hoping all's well with you.
  18. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    Things are good ATG. Just really busy. Lot's of things going on with school and work has kept me busy.
  19. bobbertsan

    bobbertsan Member

    Blew it again. I need a porn blocker other than k9. Now that I have access to my work email from webmail, there is no email I dont have access to. so I can sht it off too easily. I also need a porn blocker for android that is better than k9. I cant customize the android app. Really stressful time right now and dont have the streangth to go it alone without a crutch.
  20. sonofJack

    sonofJack I deserve self-respect

    Sad to hear that you're struggling. Good news is that you're definitely not alone. Porn blockers are a good start. Staying here in the community will help you get the rest of the way to where you want to be.

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