Beyond Addicted to Cheating Porn? Please help...

Discussion in 'Pornography Addiction' started by NeedSer10u5Help, Nov 29, 2019.

  1. NeedSer10u5Help

    NeedSer10u5Help New Member

    I don't know what to do; I feel I'm lost. I have always been an addict, and I have been watching porn ever since I was 7 with access to my grandmother's desktop computer. I dated a girl for 2 years, and I had an extreme distrust of her (and other women). She ended up being horribly abusive and cheated on me before ending the relationship. It was pure agony for a while. I lost any reason to keep going. Eventually the pain turned into numbness. I met some women over the years and had a few flings. Eventually I met the woman of my dreams. Everything was perfect, we dated for 3 years. I quit smoking, it made me irritable, she cheated on me, things went down from there. I won't blame her, but things ended and it's been Hell. I have an extreme distaste for cheating, even some extremist views on it if you will. When I see news about a husband murdering his cheating spouse, it's hard for me not to smile. I've seen it rip people i love apart, as well as myself. However, I can NOT stop watching cheating and cuckold themed porn. Specifically where the husband is unwilling or unaware. Why? Why is this? Could the taboo make it exciting? It is frequent. I do it at least twice an hour, probably 15 times a day minimum. I need a new video each time, all with the same theme. I have over 1,300 bookmarks on my phone and hundreds of tabs open. I am in decent shape, not horribly ugly, I don't think I identify with the victims of these videos... I am not sure what draws me to them, but I wish I could switch to normal stuff or just tone it down all together.

    TL;dr: Addicted to porn since I was a kid. Was cheated on several times by women I gave the world to, absolutely hate cheaters. Can NOT stop watching infidelity porn.
     

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  2. forlorn

    forlorn Active Member

    When we compulsively use any type of porn we generally do it to avoid dealing with uncomfortable emotions. Maybe by watching this genre of porn you have sexualised feelings of rejection. Are there other healthier ways you could try to address your underlying issues about the fact you've been cheated on? Maybe you could get some therapy to try and resolve your trust issues.

    Remember that just because you've gotten into this type of porn, it doesn't define you as a person, it's just a part of you. Having said that, I would try to avoid porn altogether. Get rid of those bookmarks and give your brain/body a chance to heal. By doing so, eventually this type of porn will hold less of an appeal and its power over you will start to diminish.
     
  3. peelfresh

    peelfresh New Member

    Hi!

    I can relate with you the genre that you talked about.

    I'm also addicted to cuckold/cheating themed porn.

    For me, the taboo behind the act generates so much dopamine that i crave it. Aside from that, seeing how the woman humiliated their own husband by reciprocating more not towards her husband but her boyfriends generates much more dopamine from my already wrecked mind. Although i know it's fantasy and not reality, it's hard to get away from it.

    One of the things i've come to realize is, when we watch porn, we are projecting ourself as third person in the act. We aren't the guy, we aren't the girl, but we wish we are the guy that do the girl except we aren't, and so our helplessness to please the girl forced us to take such measures, simply watching others do her since we can't do anything ourselves.

    We become frail, coward, desperate and our life becomes stagnant without any growth desired for ourselves, except to live feeling stimulated all the time. I imagine you must have gone through their community and skimmed through some of their lifestyles description whether it's made up or their real experiences. They would say otherwise. It's test of love between spouses, understanding, patience, trust and faith and transparent communication.

    I say bullshit. Those who involves in those lifestyle is just cause they trangressed the sacriliege of marriages and thus wanting to justify themselves, they made up a lot of illogical definitions to support their act. They are getting bored with their spouses cause same as us, they wrecked their dopamine receptor but different is, they don't wanna recover, instead they wanted to keep feeding it. And last but not least, there's some people who live that lifestyles, while many are not but live in their fantasy. Both are wrecked since ultimately the guy is gonna get sissified while the wife gonna be a slut. I'd say not a healthy way of living.

    I find it highly toxic situation since:
    1. We are defining our values only by how endowed we are in bed
    2. There's no room for growth in cuckold/cheating lifestyles since we are so focused on that 1 part of life while neglecting a lot others
    3. Those lifestyles are ultimately, live porn. And we are gonna be spectators forever.

    And i've driven the girl i wanted to be responsible for away from me as well due to porn.

    It is the worst genre of porn since it prevents us from truly connecting with women since we are watching the genre's relating to watching our own spouse's doing it. It's dangerous since the fantasy is much more commitable once you married. The idea now isn't whether your wife is beautiful or not, the idea is how is she behaving while being on the act with another person.

    Here are things that most helpful to me:
    1. Stop running away from responsibility now. 2. Start taking life seriously.
    3. Don't run away anymore. Just stand there and take the beating life gives you.

    Let's start together. I don't wanna watch such disgusting thing like porn as well, but we gotta start somewhere first right?
     
  4. Living

    Living Well-Known Member

    What I find interesting is how common cheating is in your environment and how judging you look upon it. Sometimes it's hard to not associate such things. It kind of reminds me of this interracial forum I visited a few weeks ago: the white men who wanted their white wives to be fucked by black men were in no way liberal, most of them were down right racist. Often their fantasies did not come from love, but rather from misogyny and racism. In their fantasies their wives were sex-obsessed sluts that only wanted to be fucked by black beasts. In this picture both the women and the black men became rather one-dimensional stereotypes.

    When you ask 'why is this?' I think this is perhaps not a question you should ask to random group of guys on the internet but rather to a trained psychologist. What you describe really seems like a tough situation, both with the porn you watch as well as the women cheating on you. I have never been cheated on myself and I don't know a whole lot of people that have been cheated on, but I can imagine that is really tough to deal with. I don't think I or any other person on this board are likely to properly help you with that. Sometimes it's good to talk to a person that has actually learned to deal with situations like these.
     
  5. NeedSer10u5Help

    NeedSer10u5Help New Member

    Thank you all for your comments. I've been through therapy in the past, and to be honest I could see right through the therapist act; they don't tell me anything that I don't already know about myself, so in a way it doesn't really come across as helpful especially while I'm paying them. I wasn't expecting such detailed replies, and to be honest it means so much to me that you all cared enough to write those. Someone had mentioned being perpetually stimulated, which struck a chord. Ever since my soulmate left, I've been drinking non stop and doing whatever drugs I could find. When I'm sober, I'm always watching porn. I think I am using the most extreme inhibitors (drugs and porn that would normally disgust me) to push my mind as far away from her as I can. I just wish I had a time machine, that's the only way I feel would turn life around, because, as it sits now, if I died tomorrow I'd be happier. It's just a constant stream of distractions for me.
     
  6. forlorn

    forlorn Active Member

    Some therapists are better than others. And you have to approach it from the mindset that they're genuinely trying to help you. However you can't rely on them to work miracles, you have to put in the work yourself to overcome your addictions.

    Anyway see if you can treat this as a fresh start. Perhaps you could try slowly leaving yourself emotionally exposed instead of masking your issues with porn, booze & drugs.
     
  7. peelfresh

    peelfresh New Member

    Constant Steam of distractions. That's what i do after relapse as well. Except i don't do drugs and booze, instead i played games. Must be extremely stressful game, to counter the stress of my relapse.

    I definitely can tell you, it's a destructive cycle. As much time machine or retraction of time we'd like, we just wanted to waste time so we can forget a little bit of the fact that we relapse.

    That's the running away from reality we'act that we've been doing.

    Instead, how about just let the guilt, remorse, tiredness, brain fog and hopelesness seep into our mind. Just absorb it. There's nothing wrong with it. It will pass and then a new timeline is created. No need time machine to travel back. Instead, go forward. Accept the consequences of our action.

    I just relapsed. And i'm gonna take responsibility for it. Cause this morning comes a new day we gotta embrace and make do with whatever we can, not wait till we become perfect then only can we take action. Nope. I'm gonna take action now while being imperfect, brain fog, guilty, tired and hopelessness surrounding me. It's gonna be a terrible day for me but i still have to go through today by myself. I gotta take responsibility. I wanted to take responsibility for my action.

    See ya. Hope the best for you too today bro.
     

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