Beware the False Friend of the Recovering Porn Addict - ‘The Pick Up Artist’

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by LycurgusTheLawgiver, Aug 19, 2020.

  1. LycurgusTheLawgiver

    LycurgusTheLawgiver New Member

    Why ‘Pickup/Game’ thinking is inherently Flawed...

    Dear friends,

    Please forgive me the somewhat grand-and-theatrical-sounding title of this post. I’m a click-baity sort of soul, and I simply couldn’t resist it. My reason for creating the post is hopefully to draw the attention of some fellow rebooters to the fundamental fallacy inherent in ‘Pickup’ (sometimes referred to elsewhere as ‘game’) - a specious pseudoscientific cult philosophy which many of us will no doubt stumble upon in our search for ideas which may be of use in helping to relaunch our social lives. Having travelled some way down the supposed royal road of ‘pickup’ myself a few years back, and having been less than pleased and more than a little alarmed with where it led me (I have related some of these experiences in my previous post ‘The Rise of the Porn Induced Sex Maniac’), I thought that I would create this post in order to point out what I believe is the mother of all errors in ‘pickup’ thinking. An error which ensures that ‘pickup’ can never truly help its followers in their quest to better relate to or connect with women; at best, the devout practitioner of ‘pickup’ can hope only to dupe them occasionally. The great foundational error of which I speak arises from the way in which ‘pickup’ perceives womankind - as being somehow less human than men. For, whilst the most dedicated ‘pickup’ zealots will freely admit to you that it is one’s personal qualities, habits, and interests which determine the quality and quantity of the male friends one has; when it comes to intimate romantic relationships with women, they start from an entirely different set of assumptions altogether.



    You see, at the basis of the ‘pickup’ mindset is one belief. A belief upon which the whole further edifice is built; and without which, the whole thing would come tumbling down, never to be rebuilt again (an event which frequently occurs on an individual level, and can cause longtime ‘pickup’ devotees, no matter how high up in the hierarchy, to suddenly see the light and to turn their backs upon ‘pickup’ forever). Namely, that
    being attractive to women is a cold mechanical skill, and therefore not a uniquely composite personal quality made up of the many diverse personal factors which make a man who he is, and what he is i.e. his personality, beliefs, ethos, interests, aspirations, career, physical appearance, age, background, virtues, vices etc... No, in the make-believe world of ‘pickup’ one’s level of personal attractiveness is totally and conveniently severed from any connection with one’s person. ‘Pickup’ therefore, offers very little in the way of incentives for its followers to actually change themselves. Instead they are encouraged to purchase more ‘pick up’ material (often at truly exorbitant prices), to attend more bootcamps or seminars (likewise costing them a fortune), or, simply to spend more time approaching women. All the while, and all too often, however, the root of their problems lies much closer to home.


    One does not have to spend long reading or watching ‘pickup’ material, or speaking to so called ‘pick up artists’, to realise that to the inhabitants of this strange underworld, socialising with women is little more than a mechanical skill - comparable to say, fly fishing, or mathematics - and not a personal quality at all. Now, there are two logical corollaries of this flawed belief: the first, is the consequent assumption that interpersonal interactions take place in a void, if you will, over which the personal qualities and life circumstances, of the two interlocutors, exert no influence whatsoever - it is conversation in isolation, and as such, the ‘success’ or ‘failure’ of any social interaction can be neatly and conveniently reduced to a misapplication, or unskillful combination of any of the following four factors - these are: words said, physical gestures made, body language assumed, and the sequence and timing of these things. The life advice offered from the ‘pickup’ pulpit to millions of naive, often desperate, and thoroughly willing listeners, is almost without exception, delivered through the prism of this faulty underlying assumption. And therefore, the attempts of those men (no small number) who accept the weltanschauung, to improve their relationships with the other half of the human population, are doomed to failure from the very beginning; since, if things are not going well for them with any particular lady, according to the ‘mechanical skill’ explanation of attractiveness which they now adhere to, their ‘failure’ cannot possibly be in any way the result of who they are: their ethos, or outlook on life; their lifestyle itself; or the choices that they are making or not making in life. No, according to the paradigm which they have now accepted, their failure does not suggest introspection as even a possible answer to their woes; it suggests only a further and ever more careful dissection of their interactions into: words said, physical gestures made, body language adopted, and the order or sequence of these things, or it suggests spending yet more time out approaching women, or watching ‘pickup’ material, when often they would be far better served in getting their houses in order, so to speak. Just as an astronomer, working from the underlying assumption that the sun revolves around the earth, shall never succeed in gaining an accurate understanding of our solar system, no matter how ingenious his methods; so too, our ‘pick up man’ shall never get to the root of his problems in attracting, or relating to women, until like Copernicus he abandons the flawed model which he has been working from - in his case, the assumption that personal attractiveness is a ‘skill’ that bears no relation to the other aspects of his life. This dissonance between ‘pickup’ doctrine and social reality accounts for the seemingly paradoxical situation which most long-term adherents to ‘pickup’ inevitably experience - one which I have had personal acquaintance with: namely, that the longer they practice ‘pickup’; the more time they spend out on the streets; the more dedicated they become to analysing the minutiae of their - words said, physical gestures made, body language assumed, and the sequence or timing of these things; the more ‘pickup’ material that they buy and avidly watch - the worse their ‘results’ actually become.


    The second implication of the ‘mechanical skill’ model of male-female attractiveness, one which is essential for widespread devotion to ‘the art’ of ‘pick up’ to flourish in the first place, is the implicit assumption that it is perfectly feasible, even easy, for the average man to successfully employ false and artificial patterns of behaviour in the pursuit of romantic success: to interact with a hidden agenda, to use preprepared lines in conversations, and to follow elaborately devised artificial routines or sequences, which lead from one’s very first meeting with a woman all the way to her bedchamber; and that women (as human beings) are not naturally wired to detect such falseness and ‘smell a rat’. Whilst I do not deny that there are men, perhaps naturally psychopathic ones in some cases, or, simply men with a natural talent for acting and but few moral scruples, who can successfully pretend to be somebody that they are not for an extended period of time; converse in a natural manner whilst essentially following a script and harbouring an ulterior motive; and in doing these things, totally dupe people into long term relationships which benefit the deceiver at the expense of the other party - the existence of such prodigious ability for dissimulation is of course testified from time to time by the occasional publication of newspaper articles which relate the tales of such devious impostors, who somehow manage to trick their way into highly paid, and highly specialised jobs without having any experience in the field whatsoever - it seems clear to me for several reasons, that this is not the path which ought to be presented to the great mass of men who are increasingly turning to ‘pickup’ as a solution to their problems in connecting with women. As, whilst almost any young man who stalks the streets persistently enough looking for a sexual partner, no matter how strange and awkward he comes across (either due to his own flaws, or due to the unnatural act or routine he is attempting to put on) will eventually succeed in finding sex (an eventuality which is of course assured by the simple fact that problems such as loneliness, desperation and naïveté are not exclusive to men), such deception, no matter how skilfully employed - as our newspaper articles demonstrate - is ultimately destined to fall apart at some point further down the line; and, even were it theoretically possible for a man to keep up the act indefinitely, a final romantic relationship formed under such circumstances, would by necessity lack any authentic personal connection, and must needs carry with it a persistent level of anxiety and insecurity stemming from the ever present necessity of ‘keeping up the act’. As such the ‘fake it until you make it’ pathway which ‘pick up’ claims to offer, ensures from the very beginning that one will never truly ‘make it’; unless, that is, one’s only goal in the first place, is a string of occasional casual sexual acquaintances with women as equally socially destitute as oneself.


    In the end, the belief that personal attractiveness and thus romantic success is a mechanical skill, serves as a liberating belief for many of the men most receptive to the ‘pickup’ message in the first place. That is, men who have problems attracting and relating to women: men who often have serious deficiencies in their lifestyles, flaws in their outlooks, and more often than not, a lack of meaning, purpose or responsibility in their lives - all problems that would otherwise require serious and painful adjustments to both lifestyles and attitudes to rectify. For these men the ‘mechanical skill’ revelation means that they do not have to personally sacrifice anything in order to solve their ‘problem’; they can continue to be lazy and unambitious, to live for the most part, as social recluses whiling away their days playing video games or watching porn; eating junk food etc. It means that they will never have to look themselves hard in the eye; never truly get their act together; take on any onerous responsibilities; or adhere to any stifling and restrictive systems of values. No, they can simply continue as they are, exiting their den of self-indulgent mediocrity occasionally to practice their new ‘art’. Never will they have to look in the mirror and admit that they themselves are the source of their ‘problem’. Now, it might well be contended here by some, that the ‘pickup’ lifestyle does in fact involve sacrifices, and, that to depart from one’s cosy routine and devote a significant proportion of one’s time to approaching strangers on the streets is in fact a tough and daunting commitment; but as Disraeli said “one of the hardest things in this world is to admit that you are wrong, and nothing is more helpful in resolving a situation than its frank admission”. it can be so hard in fact, to admit that we’re wrong, that some of us will go to extraordinary lengths in order to avoid doing so. Thus, in the case of ‘pickup’, men will adopt elaborate pseudo-scientific philosophies, even spend their days chasing down strangers on cold wintery streets, in order to avoid its admission. Furthermore, the belief that ‘success’ with women is a mechanical skill, is uniquely appealing to the modern social recluse. A recluse living in a ‘fast food’, ‘on demand’ society, and who more often than not spends more time than is healthy in virtual pursuits such as video games, porn, and Internet forums. The great founding belief of ‘pickup’, which was itself conceived by geeky American social recluses in the early 2000’s, holds a unique appeal to his socially naive and virtually inclined mind; it is to him the sexual equivalent to the cheat codes on his favourite video games; it explains why women, despite being so eager to have sex with almost anybody in the porn films which he watches, have no desire whatsoever to have sex with him; it is the romantic equivalent to the fast food which he finds it so convenient to consume. The first part of Disraeli’s shrewd observation then, and the uniquely virtual disposition of the modern social recluse, help to explain why this seemingly absurd proposition, that social ‘success’ with women is a ‘skill’ - itself propagated via the internet - holds so much appeal to so many young men today. For all of the reasons I have enumerated above, these young men are not only ready to believe this fatuous breakdown of human social ‘success’, but they actually want to.
     
    Last edited: Aug 25, 2020

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