Better late than never ... i hope

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Matt2020, Apr 16, 2020.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Last night I read about it in the YBOP book. It is really one of the common withdrawal symptoms . . . Hold on!
    Matt2020 likes this.
  2. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    Hi Matt, as Gil mentioned, what you described does seem to quite common. Hang in there!
    Matt2020 likes this.
  3. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Matt,
    Just wanted to stop in and wish you well and congratulations on your progress... you are doing great.

    I am trying to get more exercise into my life as well. To me, I need to work on the complete recovery and make myself the best version of myself I can... I WAS alcohol sober for 27+ years only to start binge drinking last year... sucks but it shows we need to work on the recovery not just no PMO/acting out.

    Matt2020 likes this.
  4. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Hi Guys

    So here i am again, with a 0 counter. Ive PMO'd the last 3 days.

    When i found this forum and the realisation that my ED was something I could 'fix', I was elated. Here was the answer. I could have a sex life and it had all been because of porn. The 36 day streak wasn't easy but I just had to think about the future benefits to keep going. Then I MO'd and again, and again.

    Now, here I am. I have a date on Thurs that, who knows (covid permitting), could lead to the bedroom in a matter of weeks, and ill be there limp and apologising as usual.
    I'm actually close to tears typing this so that's a first after a wank!! Maybe the kick up the backside that i need this time.

    I had a look back at your journal @Gil79 , and there was an evening that you came close to PMO but didnt and the next day you said "I thank my yesterday self for thinking of today self". The last few days Ive not given a shit about my tomorrow self and it needs to change.

    As you can see I'm not doing so great today but i appreciate the good wishes, it means a lot, thank you.

    I dont really have any other addictions, i've never smoked and dont really drink a great deal but you're right, there's more to recovery than just no PMO. Lots of complicated stuff going on in our heads and acting out is just a release mechanism. We need to understand the triggers.
    What happened to make you start drinking again after so long?
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2020
  5. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    I think you need to bear in mind how you will feel when you are in the bedroom and embarrassed. I was and it's what gave me that kickstart. That feeling, I never want that again. it may not be your ticket, but blocking yourself with technology, remembering the bad feelings that inevitably follow, building in a good replacement habit... these are the keys to success Matt. You can do this brother.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Hi Matt, it is not easy and probably it is going to get a lot tougher even. But we have to keep our minds focused on the future. Not your date next week, but your state of well-being in 5 or 10 years. Most of us took decades to build-up our addictions, making them concrete in neural pathways. That is not something you can change in a couple of weeks or months. So, don't let yourself be demotivated by this. What I always find helpful is to look for the really good success stories in the success stories section What did people do to overcome their addictions. In most cases it comes down to making a plan and work on where you want to go with your life and change the aspects of your life that make you go back to porn. Myself I am going to loo for another success story as well right now.
    forlorn, -Luke- and Matt2020 like this.
  7. Give Me Strength

    Give Me Strength Active Member

    Hello Matt,
    Ive been here for a long time with starts and stops and relapses. The key is you got right back here quickly!!! I used to go months on binging to PMO. Once I was off the wagon I was indeed say "I don't give a shit..." and just keep on PMOing. For Months! This is one reason why I try not to count days and just work on improving my overall self. If that make sense?

    So you need to keep in mind you are here and that is the main point. Learn from the slip and what triggered it.

    As the say in AA... Keep coming back!!

    Matt2020 likes this.
  8. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    You must believe in the process. It needs to become your new religion. At the beginning that's what I did. If you can go for three or four weeks without PMO and MO you're dick will be fine if things progress to sex with that guy.
  9. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    I seem to have started getting this. I am trying to put a positive spin on it by saying that if an unpleasant symptom is appearing then its a sign that my body is changing and recovering.
  10. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    Hi Matt,

    I second what other folks said above in terms of believing in the process. The process may also take some time, and I think we have to learn to be patient and accept that it may not happen as smoothly or quickly as we would wish.

    As Gil mentioned, many of us have spend years/decades building up our addictions and so it is reasonable to expect that this is something that we won’t be able to change/rewire overnight. Having said that, every single step we take is moving us towards a better future.

    I found this post to be very useful:
    -Luke- and Gil79 like this.
  11. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thanks @Battlesword1 , @Gil79 , @Give Me Strength , @Saville , @Clovis6 for the comments and support, lots of great advice, it means a lot.

    The excitement when I first discovered this site, along with YBOP and NOFAP gave me a real buzz to think that 'simply' not watching porn anymore and wanking could make such a difference to my life. I still believe that but you guys are right, I've been doing it for over 20 years so its not gonna be a quick fix.

    Absolutely and that will be my new mantra. I cant say i wont PMO again, but the slip ups of the last few weeks have really opened my eyes to the process and how Im affected, both emotionally and physically.

    Ive had quite a good and busy week but i now have 2 days off work. Tomorrow is my 2nd date so im a bit nervous and excited for that.
    No real plans for Fri but will make sure i think of something to keep me occupied.

    Thanks for this, I shall have a good read :)
    Saville likes this.
  12. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    You’re very welcome, that’s what this forum is all about. I certainly found out that out that my reboots didn’t go very well without support, so I appreciate it as well.

    You mentioned that you’d been at it for over 20 years, which made me stop to wonder how long it was for me. Probably over 30 years...That’s a big chunk of my life, so I‘ve got to expect recovery to take some time.

    By the way, you mentioned aches all over your body before. How’s that side of things going?
  13. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    They lasted a couple of days last week but then I PMO'd and they eased so Im expecting to get them again in the next week.
    When i did my 36 day streak, i got them around week 2 or 3 and they lasted about a week. It was really strange but must be connected to no orgasm.

    You're doing great at 24 days!
    Gil79 and Battlesword1 like this.
  14. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member


    It’s good that you’ve recognised a pattern. You’ve now got something to look out for. I don’t know if thre is anything you can do to reduce the aches or whether you. Just have to go through them. I’ve had similar myself. all I could do really was to try and get out for a walk, that seemed to help. At the very least, it will take you away from the computer and reduce the chances of you wanting to act out.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  15. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    I'm feeling kinda giddy right now having had a great couple of days.
    I had my second date on Thurs which went really well so we met again yesterday. Rules have been relaxed a little here so we're now allowed to be intimate with someone from another household (just the one mind, no gangbangs!! lol).
    This meant we could hug, kiss and cuddle which was really nice and i decided to tell him about my PIED. I know i was taking a big gamble but the anxiety was becoming all consuming so i thought, what the hell. I couldn't have wished for a better response and he thinks he may have it mildly but hadn't linked it to porn so at the very least i could have helped someone else.
    We didn't do anything more than a cuddle but the relief after i explained, actually gave me a semi so i was buzzing.

    I've decided to remove the counter from here but i've put one on my phone which is easier to update, although i hope i wont be updating it too often.

    I tried pain killers but they just didnt work. Keeping moving is good though so a walk is ideal.
    positivef, -Luke- and Gil79 like this.
  16. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Active Member

    Keeping moving is a good idea. Walking is really good for use and not just for the exercise. A lot of folks through the ages have been convinced it helps their thinking process as well.
    positivef likes this.
  17. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    This is excellent news Matt! I know exactly how nerve wracking it can be to tell someone in real life. The fear of rejection can sting. But we need to be honest with ourselves and our potential or actual partners. If they like us for who we are, they step up and join us and help us become better versions of ourselves. So very glad to hear your date was accepting! Taking things slow for both of you also helps your rewiring. As you build that emotional and social bond with your partner, you will deepen the lustful bond as well.
  18. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thanks @Battlesword1 , Ive been single for 4 years and i think the main reason has been my fear of ED, although for 3 of those years i thought it was performance anxiety.
    Its very early days but its just really nice to know i dont have to worry about that now and i can work on recovery. We still haven't done anything other than a kiss and cuddle but i'm confident that when we do, ill be in a much better place to enjoy it.

    So my week has been quite stressful with work and ive been aching all over again but I keep moving and going for walks when i can.
    If anyone has any supplement thoughts (fish oil, collagen?!), it would be much appreciated.
    Battlesword1 and Gil79 like this.
  19. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    How's it going Matt?

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