Better late than never ... i hope

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Matt2020, Apr 16, 2020.

  1. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    @Guts - Im intrigued to read more of your journal now! lol

    No not really. My morning wood today was only about 70% though but will be interesting to see what happens in the coming days.
    I'm not planning to MO again for ideally 10-14 days at least.
  2. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member


    Seeing as I’ve just joined here, I thought I’d reach out to a few folks on this forum.

    Trying to figure this out by myself hasn’t worked out, so time for another approach.
    Battlesword1 likes this.
  3. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    So that didn't happen as I've MO'd 3 times since Sunday. All without porn or fantasy, purely on sensation. The 2nd MO I had an almost hands-free O which was interesting but no 3 was less exciting so I really want to get back on the wagon and build that sensitivity again.

    Other than that I'm not feeling any side effects and I even have myself a distanced date on Sunday :eek::D
    Last edited: May 20, 2020
    Battlesword1 and Guts like this.
  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    I think that MO without fantasy is really something different than with P or F, but be careful with it, cause chaser effect is extremely dangerous. It is as if your whole dopamine-reward system goes suddenly from sleep-mode into overdrive. I fell into that trap multiple times. Awesome you have a date. Enjoy!
    Matt2020 likes this.
  5. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    I agree with Gil that you must be careful with MO. For now it's without fantasy, but that's get boring and it eventually leads back to PMO. I also find that MO makes me feel down. The odd time my wife gives me a hand job and that is very different than me doing it myself. We kiss and there is intimacy there.

    I'll look forward to hearing about your digital date. :)
    Matt2020 and Gil79 like this.
  6. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Hey guys, happy Sunday.

    Just a quick update - @Saville @Gil79 , thanks for the warnings on chaser effect and wow it really is strong. I've succumbed to it and ended up MO-ing 6 times in 8 days which was not my intention so i'm quite disappointed in myself right now. The good thing though is that i recognise it and so id like to get back to hard mode for at least another 30 day streak.

    In other news i had my date earlier today. The rules here at the moment allow us to meet one other person in open space so long as keeping social distance so we met at a local park and went for a walk then sat and chatted for a while. It was nice and we chatted easily and seemed to get on. The whole PIED lies heavy on my mind when meeting someone new, but then the lockdown may buy me some time and see how things go if we keep in touch.
  7. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Been there, done that! MO, for me, is the devil. Early on, I read on Dangerous Dave's journal that "if you don't MO you won't PMO." How right he was! At first when I read his journal it sounded a bit too macho, too cut and dried, but as I moved through all this I saw the clarity of those words. In general, I believe, I am a sensitive person, someone who appreciates gentleness and intimacy. However, to break the cycle of my constant PMO'ing I had to shift the paradigm. You've read my journal, so you know that I began to look at life as an ape, just so I could find my way back to something essential in me that I had lost.

    If you stick with the program your PIED will disappear, period! We are meant to get boners and have sex with another person. Indeed, not if, but when, you break free of all this, you will begin to enjoy sex in a new light and discover it is something that nourishes you.
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  8. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey Matt, sorry to hear about the chaser. I've not gone through with my planned MO yet and I think I'm going to keep holding off. Glad the date went well though man! That's positive. Social interaction is key to rebooting as much as staying off porn itself, since the interaction helps you begin to focus on real people and not the fantasy.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  9. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Hey guys.

    So the counter reset tells it all (if its updated yet). I succumbed to PMO on Fri night and again last night :(. Friday I actually watched some porn then MO'd later but its still the same.
    I think I was feeling a little low, had been a busy week with work so i had a few beers, then although i'm still messaging with the date i had, i'm not sure its going to go anywhere. None of that an excuse really, but an explanation.

    So, where from here? Its easy to say i'm not going to do it again but fuck that urge is strong. I was so determined (and still am) but i really need to recognise the triggers and distract myself. I know I can do it, cos i got 36 days no MO and 48 days without P.
  10. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yep, it sure is. But, the further we get away from it the less relevant it becomes. Even though I succumbed after a very long streak, indeed, I got back on the wagon quickly as I had really established a new way of living. You're definitely learning and you most definitely have the strength.
    Matt2020 and Gil79 like this.
  11. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    Hey Matt. Hang in there buddy. You've got all the right positive trends going on. Relapse is not the end of the world. You've got social interactions, learning the triggers, filling the routine with positive reinforcements, I think you've got porn blockers installed (and if not, that might help catch you next time you try to find porn?)...

    Did you go back to an old familiar porn or did you go to something new? That will also tell you a bit about what you were truly seeking (solace in familiarity or the experience of a new thing).
    Matt2020 likes this.
  12. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thanks @Saville , I hope so.

    I do but they blocked a non-porn site i needed, so switched them off and it went from there. They're back on now and tweaked so i shouldn't need to disable again.

    It was probably more vanilla/softcore than previous. I was never into anything extreme but like most guys I had found myself seeking more varied kinks over time so it was interesting that i just needed something erotic/sexual to get me off this time.
  13. Battlesword1

    Battlesword1 Active Member

    I think this is a good sign myself. You didn't go for something crazy, just something generally stimulating. The next time it will be even less. The time after that even less!

    The next time you get tempted, your blockers should hopefully but up enough barriers that you can catch yourself. You have to treat yourself a bit like a kid, and put on blockers you cannot defeat easily. The goal is to catch yourself, and let the willpower get back into the game.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  14. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    The slippery slope. And, it doesn't take long to go from fantasy to P, from vanilla to other stuff that normally we would have no interest in.

    I agree, it's a good sign!
    Matt2020 likes this.
  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    How are you doing Matt?
  16. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    I'm good thanks, work is keeping me busy and i've managed to keep the fantasy / porn thoughts at bay.
    My morning woods since the relapse haven't been very strong but i guess they'll come back in time. I don't feel like im in a flatline though.

    My watch broke at the weekend so I bought a smartwatch which monitors exercise, heart, stress etc.
    Maybe too much information isn't always a good but its interesting how the stress reading spikes throughout the day!
    I want to increase my fitness so its another useful distraction.
    My usual PMO time was just before sleep. Id take my laptop to bed and spend an hour or so watching various clips, usually skipping to certain parts (does anyone actually watch porn all the way through!?) so i know that's my weak time. I'm trying to read more and these forums are good for that time.

    I may have date no.2 next week with the guy from last week so that's something to look forward to.
    Gil79 likes this.
  17. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Haha, no one, ever! :D. We need the novelty to keep the dopamine high.

    I think it is really interesting to be aware of your stress during the day. It might help you to pinpoint which situations are most stressful, so that you can take (in)action at the right moment and right time.
    Matt2020 likes this.
  18. Clovis6

    Clovis6 Well-Known Member

    [QUOTE="Gil79, post: 708174, member: 2643"

    I think it is really interesting to be aware of your stress during the day. It might help you to pinpoint which situations are most stressful, so that you can take (in)action at the right moment and right time.[/QUOTE]

    Hi Matt, as Gil mentioned, awareness of yourself and your habits is a think a huge part of helping you to reboot.

    You mentioned that you’d take your laptop to bed. One thing I’d recommend is making sure your laptop is switched off and in another room. You could put it in it’s case or under some books. Basically, get it out of sight and as difficult to access as possible.
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  19. -Luke-

    -Luke- Well-Known Member

    I never did, but they do get married at the end, right?

    Good luck with your date next week!
    Matt2020 likes this.
  20. Matt2020

    Matt2020 Member

    Thanks guys for the comments and support.

    So i'm about to head to bed and this is when i would take my laptop with me. It will be staying in the lounge tonight, as will my phone.
    So glad its the weekend, its been a really busy week, but i made it.
    I'm nearly 7 days no PMO again, and the last couple of days i've been aching all over. Like every fibre of me aches. This happened last time i abstained.
    Is orgasm an anti-inflammatory? lol

    Of course, and they live happily ever after :p

    Thanks :)
    Saville likes this.

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