Being single, having a gf, what is normal and what is not??? Depressed need help

Discussion in 'Social Advice' started by Psalm Reborn, Jun 5, 2014.

  1. Psalm Reborn

    Psalm Reborn New Member

    I am looking back at my past, and I am wondering if my behavior and my anxiety comes from porn and an overly sexualized culture and society. Let me explain this thinking of mine:
    I think that I have a fear to be single. But I don't know if it's a fear of being single or if it is just a fear of not having sex. I have had 5 gfs in the last 3 years. Some people told me it is a lot, but for me I ALWAYS feel lonely. I do not seem to be able to have a relationship longer than 3 months. I was with a girl for one year but it wasn't official. I think I loved her. But with the others there was always something that wasnt right since the beginning and I felt like it wasn't really what be in couple meant. I see those people who have love stories and who are in love for eachother. In my case. I feel like it's never the case. It's always a miss, I feel like after a while I can't stay true to mysrlf wth those girls.

    Now I am back at being single. The fact of being single makes me feel like I am a loser. Not having sex makes me feel like a loser. This feeling is strenghtened by the fact that there are a lot of articles about sex in the media and even if I never read them I see the titles.

    I am wondering: is this thinking porn induced? Do normal people have sex often and when they're single they do casual encounters? Are casual encounters even very common? Or do normal people (not fucked up people like us or like sex addicts or uliberal people) stay single and not have sex for months? I feel like everybody is having sex but me (or us if you want). Maybe it's because I've been around the wrong people and because I am porn addicted? Please can someone tell me I need to chill the fuck out and that life isn't just about sex. I have had insomnias and nightmares about my ex gfs lately and been thinking about one of them every day even though we burnt the bridges for almost one year.
     
  2. kopp

    kopp Member

    You gotta love yourself before you can really love a girl and have a decent, working relationship.

    You shouldn't define yourself by how much you fucked this month. Your sex counter is not what defines you as a man.
    You can't think "I have a gf, Im superman!" and "I don't have a gf, Im teh loser :(". Don't be that kind of guy that defines himself by the price of his car.
    I don't think you should chill the fuck out, I think you should try to get to know yourself better.

    Do you really love sex or do you only love the fact that, when you have sex, it means that a girl cares about you?

    Oh and please, don't try to be normal, normal people suck at everything (only a few people live the sex life they want to live tbh)
     
  3. gameover

    gameover Age: 26

    I haven't had a gf before so 5 in 3 years does seem like a lot.

    I dont think the majority of guys get laid regularly without a relationship.
     
  4. Psalm Reborn

    Psalm Reborn New Member

    Thanks for your responses. My thoughts are definitely fucked up by porn.

    I've been trying to be more grounded and know myself better. I guess I learned a lot with those relationships and now I should take the time to find someone that's really compatible with me. It just makes me anxious to see articles on website like huffingtonpost and shit all the time talking about sex like everybody's having a great time and you're the only motherfucker who's single.

    I guess my fear from being single is because my friends used to make fun of me when I was younger because I was a late virgin and I never really had a gf before I was 22. I am very sensitive to criticism and they really made me feel like I was a failure.
     
  5. KingJames

    KingJames Member

    You're not a failure bro, fuck anyone who tries to make you feel like that and fill you with negativity. I'm still a virgin at 25 and people in my OWN family make fun of me, but I don't listen cause I know life isn't all about sex bro. I'm focusing on myself, beating this PMO addiction and working toward accomplishing my goals in life. So yeah consider surrounding yourself with better people and I think what gameover said is the truth, majority of guys don't get laid regularly without relationships. Keep your head up bro :)
     
  6. Psalm Reborn

    Psalm Reborn New Member

    This is really brave of you KingJames. One day you will find someone worth being with. My two last gfs were bitches. I suspect that the last one was even "collectioning" men. It's pretty sad because she had an aspect of her personality that was beautiful but the 80% she was fucked up. Better be single than with people who as you say fill you with anxiety and negativity.
     
  7. KingJames

    KingJames Member

    Aye, thanks man. You'll find someone worth being with as well don't worry. Wish you nothing but success on your journey brother!
     
  8. kopp

    kopp Member

    If your friends make fun of you because you're still virgin instead of trying to help you developing yourself and getting girls, you're better alone than with those friends.
    But it also means you lack the skill to say "fuck you". Don't let ppl tell you you're shit, or they will try go as deep as they can.

    Guys, I strongly recommend you to love yourself and to live alone the life of your dreams, and only after that you'll meet interesting people.
    for exemple if in the future you want to go to cinema with friends, don't wait to have friends, just go to the cinema alone. So you'll feel more confortable going to the cinema the day you'll go with friends, because you'll already be used to go here.

    If you go to cinema/gym/whatever, ppl will be like "oh, you do? I'd love to go with you!". Or they will hear that you have a good movie culture and be like "how did you learn all that stuff?"
     
  9. Psalm Reborn

    Psalm Reborn New Member

    Very true kopp! On that note I am going to go chill at the coffee shop.
     
  10. whiterayn

    whiterayn New Member

    Sadly many people in groups turn into complete dickheads even when they are really good people one to one. Do not let other peoples opinions guide your life choices mate. Keep contact with the mates you like, and maybe go out with them in smaller groups during the week when big crowds are not around, I always find this is better for getting to know people and having proper deep friendships.

    The kind of women we go for can be completely guided by our pmo addiction. I see it so much round here, and my main relationships have been exactly the same. Because I lacked confidence and social skills to find a girl I liked, I only ended up with the ones who made it so obvious that they liked me, that deep down I knew I was not man enough to keep them or trust them so they were doomed from the start. I always kidded myself that they liked me so much they were coming onto me strong, but it takes a strong man to be with a woman who is so sexually aggressive that you worry who she is trying it on with now.
     
  11. Fapper3

    Fapper3 Guest

    nothing is "normal" you make whatever it is "normal"


    who cares.... fuck relationships, fuck marriage .
     
  12. WaveRace

    WaveRace New Member

    On being single - there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single and/or enjoying life while going through a period of singleness.

    Many of us prefer relationships. I do, but being single, heck I am going to use the chance to have myself in a good well rounded state so that when a awesome woman comes into my life I will be ready to just move on into a relationship. Rather than trying to fix crisis issues and b/s while in the relationship. This is not always avoidable.
     

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