Being satisfied with what I already have

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Gil79, Feb 16, 2019.

  1. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Intense dreams and sweating again last night. Get out porn, get out!

    Thanks @path-forward and @Saville for your support
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  2. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Been drinking quite a bit last night and around 11PM or so I started thinking that it might be nice to check out some hot chicks on you tube or likewise. Those thoughts stuck around for a bit, but then I decided not to do that, leave my phone downstairs when I go to bed and maybe just allow myself to fantasize a little bit. When I finally went to bed I did leave my phone behind. In bed I read a bit in a novel about Rumi I am reading now. Then I decided it would be okay to 'see' if I could come up with a nice fantasy. But I couldn't come up with anything. It was as if there was nothing on the shelf and I would have to go to the cellar, open the locks of the door there and pull one out from the racks. I fell asleep quickly and when I woke up I felt a great relieve that I didn't act out. I realized how shitty I would have felt if I had done that. I guess something has changed physiologically already, but I have to stay vigilant psycologically.

    Anyway, happy new year everybody!!!
  3. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Good to hear !

    Happy new year's as well.
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  4. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Struggled with some fantasies last night. I think I had sexual fantasies for 5 minutes before I went to sleep and later 5 minutes in the middle of the night when I woke up. Feeling grumpy now and a bit anxious for a long trip back home on January 5. I should not forget to stay proactive: which triggers can I expect in the upcoming days and which actions can I take to deal well with them.
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  5. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    You're probably tired as well from the trip and the Holidays. So one important thing will be to get adequate rest and self care when you're back home (sleep, diet, exercise, meditation, breathing exercises).

    Most probably the fantasies are also a sign of being tired.

    Sounds like you're doing really good work though, keep it up !
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  6. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks @Thelongwayhome27, I think you're right about that. I am looking forward to go back to the daily routine again and those activities you mention should definitely be part of that. Today I am feeling better and went for another nice run again. No more fantasies or urges since
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  7. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Tomorrow the long trip back home. First 7h in train and then the next day another 4h. My wife is very anxious. I am a bit anxious too, but I am a lot calmer and more relaxed than her. I will have to take the lead. When I am calm, then that will reflect on her and the kids too. It used to be common practice for me to fap my tension away in the night before traveling, resulting in more anxiety and irritability. Tonight I will just read a bit an go to sleep. Tomorrow I will be calm and in control. The same for tomorrow night. I also have to stay aware of triggers when we arrive back home. Homecoming after traveling or another intense event is definitely food for relapse. The other day I read that there is a brainphysiological reason for that. The same for when you finish a project or task. During the event or task dopamine and adrenaline levels are high. Then when the tension is gone, and you come home or you have finished your task, those neurotransmitters drop again, and that induces a craving. Typically it last 1 to 3 days (dependent on the intensity of the activity) to rebalance/restore your baseline levels again. Being aware of that should definitely help me to get through the weekend safely. Then the start of the new work week is a different thing again, but I can/must/will prepare myself for that in the weekend. One day at the time.
  8. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    The trip went really well. The kids behaved so good. Some stressful moments, but we managed and just let those feelings pass. Yesterday we arrived home. Stayed busy until the kids were in bed.

    No urges to fantasize or watch porn (which I kind of expected), but quite a craving for drinking alcohol. The last 2 weeks with the family I drank alcohol almost daily and in that short period I think I have developed a mild dependence. It shows how quickly that can develop and how dangerous that is.

    Tomorrow I am going to join a 6km run in the woods, organised by the local athletics club. Looking forward to that.

    A bit nervous for going back to work on Monday. I should plan something in the evening, like a 30 min walk when the kids are in bed, so I can avoid any anxiety/stress-relieve related relapse. Got to stay alert this week.

    Some activities this week I will do to be able to make good choices:

    - walks in the dunes
    - running
    - staying connected (wife, kids, colleagues, family, neighbours)
    - breathing exercises
  9. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Yeah, happened to me over Xmas. I'm back to abstaining from booze. Before Xmas I had three drinks a month, but then all of a sudden it was everyday. It can really sneak up on you.

    Sounds like you've got great energy!
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  10. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Just came back from the run. I think I ran a really good time, but was one of the last to arrive. Most people are member of the athletics club, so no shame in that. Still I notice some healthy competiteveness arising. This run is every other week, and I really want to make use of this to get better.

    Some hot girls there in tight running suits. Now it is a bit of a challenge to not let those mental inages turn in to fantasy.
  11. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Really having difficulties today. Fantasies kept popping up yesterday and last night I gave in to some fantasies. This morning I have been watching P-subs. Images of women in tight sportsclothes which should give me a kick, but they really don't. They are just empty images. My brain is just craving for dopamine.

    My current triggers are:
    - work-related anxiety
    - working home alone
    - general restlessness
    - physical tiredness

    What am I going to do about it:
    - work-related anxiety: taking things step by step, task by task. I just need to get back into the rhythm
    - working home alone: make use of this opportunity and meditate a bit and go for a walk after lunch
    - general restlessness: meditate and let the shit from deep down just come up. Let's hear what it has to tell me
    - physical tiredness: take it easy today and realize that I am tired from the run yesterday and be proud of that and realize that with this my body is getting stronger

    Oh yeah, I didn't stick to my plan to go for a walk last night before going to bed. Instead I watched TV . . . Also this morning I started the day with my smartphone and a coffee. I want to slowly change these habits into healthier ones.
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  12. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Woke up in the middle of the night and hardly slept anymore. Feeling groggy and off-balance now. Interaction with colleagues today was difficult.

    A voice in my head tells me that it is unfair that I don't have a place now to seek comfort (porn, fantasy). 'Are we just going to sit and wait until things are better again?!'

    Fortunately also some inner-wisdom is seeping through. That part of me that is separate from all the self-made stories and drama. And the Universe is helping me a bit with that: when I was cycling from work to the train station in the chilly and grey city, thinking of my difficult collaegues and doubting myself, I realized I heard a spring bird chirping in the trees. That sounds always makes me so happy and I had almost missed it by being occupied with useless thoughts. I should remember to stay connected to nature and to myself.
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  13. Thelongwayhome27

    Thelongwayhome27 Well-Known Member

    Voice of the Devil my friend ;)
    This to me makes a whole lot of sense. Also corresponds to my own experiences.

    In particular for me when I of on some kind of a small trip that can be stressful, when I get back to the nice cozy comfort of my own place and solitude, it can be extremely difficult to handle the urges.

    Anticipation of this does help to a certain point. And especially having some kind of plan in place.

    Nice, this is awesome ! Keep up this activity ! :)
  14. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Last night I MOed to fantasy. I could have just gone to sleep, but started fantasizing. After 5 minutes I thought fuck it, I went downstairs and polished the bishop. This morning I first woke up with regret because today I would have been for 8 weeks without porn and masturbation.

    But actually now I feel really good. More relaxed and balanced. I don't think this short MO session was really detrimental or affecting my progress. It would have been great if I could have relieved the pressure by having sex with my wife, but lately we just didn't find/made the opportunity. I am resetting my counter, but continue this current adventure. Note to self: more sex with Mrs. Gil79

    Thanks a lot @Thelongwayhome27. Hope you're doing well!
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  15. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Not much for an update. Getting back into the rhythm of work, etc. No further urges or difficulties. Got to trust the process and continue when it gets difficult, which it probably will at some time. Have a good and clean weekend everyone!
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  16. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    PMO last night. I could have just gone to sleep, but instead I chose to pick up my phone, look up some vids and fap to them. Weak moment, bad decision. A simple measure like turning my phone off in the evening would have saved me here. I haven't been proactive enough this week. will keep posting here, will continue this adventure!
  17. Saville

    Saville Well-Known Member

    Put it behind you and forge ahead.
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  18. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Thanks Saville, I will!
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  19. Gil79

    Gil79 Seize the day

    Yesterday my wife and I took the afternoon off, had lunch at home and then went to the bedroom for some fun. It was great to be together with no one else in the house. After these kinds of experiences I never understand why I need porn in the forst place. It was so nice, afterwards I felt so good and we're so much more connected.
  20. Mozenjo

    Mozenjo Well-Known Member

    Now that is some awesome news!
    Gil79 likes this.

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